Porn affecting sex life

[Simmshouse]

My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years. He had always been quick to orgasm in the bedroom but over the last year and a half, he orgasms in less than 30 seconds. In January, I sat him down and tried to figure out what the problem was, I told him I was feeling unsatisfied and undesired - as he was never the one to initiate sex. It was always me to be the one to start things. He told me he had a porn addiction, and he would orgasm quick when watching porn which therefore programmed his brain to ejaculated quickly in the bedroom. He swore to me he would stop watching porn and try to rewire his brain so our sex could last longer. Fast forward to today, I snooped on his laptop only to find he has still been watching porn. He has been ejaculating VERY quickly when we've been having sex lately. I even asked him 3 days ago if he's been watching porn still, and he said no.

 

Where do I go from here? Do I try to help him overcome his porn addiction? Can I trust him after he lied to me? Or should I just bite the bullet and break things off? I'm beside myself. I love him to death but I need a healthy sex life and im not sure he's willing to put in the effort to make that happen.

[Nickie012]

Oh wow that’s difficult. I don’t think leaving him straight away is the best option. 
I know how hard it would be on you but maybe stick around and try and help him. I know you shouldn’t have to he should want to fix his problem himself but sometimes a little help could make a difference. Maybe ask him to go see someone about it. 
my husband went through a stage where he couldn’t keep it up he took it upon himself to see a doctor to prove that it wasn’t me and we worked together with doctors orders on what to do to fix the issue and it’s now gone. 
maybe he just needs a little guidance. I’m sure it affect him also not being able to last long or please you. 

[SooSad33]

Yes, a man can orgasm quickly.. but is there maybe more to all of this?

Like, why are you always the main one starting things off?

Does he ever start on you first, so you get in your satisfaction first, before he does, as well all know it doesn't take much for them to get there!

Maybe you can discuss other 'ways' to work with this?  Like him trying harder to 'hold off' to try & make things last a while longer...

"Fun in bed' can be actual FUN for a couple.  Not a chore .  

 

 

[lostandhurt]

You need to confront him about knowing he is still watching porn.  If he continues to deny it then he clearly isn't taking your talk seriously so basically he is deciding for you what you need to do.

  If he admits he is still watching porn then ask him how are WE going to work through your addiction?  Since your love life is suffering because of his porn watching it could be called an addiction but usually an addiction affects several parts of the addicts life in negative ways to the point they ignore important things to satisfy their addiction.  He could be calling it that as an out or excuse.  Either way he needs to stop cold turkey and never watch it again.  Then you need to talk about seeing a doctor for a referral to a therapist to help him understand his compulsion and get a handle on it. 

Basically if he really loves you and wants you to be happy in and out of the bedroom he should want to do anything to make this right.  Anything less than that is him just stalling until this blows over again.

  Please understand it isn't you or how desirable you are, he is the one with a problem.

Time to sit down again and have a talk.  Figure out what you will say before hand but no threats or ultimatums.  If it is to be real he needs to step up on his own.

Lost

[SherrySher]

I'm going to get straight to the point. Break it off.

Not because of the sex, not because if the porn addiction, but because of the hiding and lying.

If he can't be man enough to admit that he has a problem, be open and honest with you about it, then he shouldn't be in any type of relationship.

This is only a small part too. If he is comfortable lying and hiding things, he will lie and hide about other things too.

There is no way I would trust this man.

[MissCanuck]

3 hours ago, SherrySher said:

I'm going to get straight to the point. Break it off.

Not because of the sex, not because if the porn addiction, but because of the hiding and lying.

Same. 

I would not be able to live comfortably in a relationship like this. It has the potential to implode into so many other problems and I would not be interested in the constant stress that would present for me. 

[Wiseman2]

8 hours ago, Simmshouse said:

  I need a healthy sex life and im not sure he's willing to put in the effort to make that happen.

Agree. Yes. End it. This is about incompatibilities, selfishness in bed and premature ejaculation.

Why isn't he satisfying you first? Why is there no foreplay?

Why bother with someone who you can't have a decent sex life with?

You're assuming it's about porn and think you can talk him away from that. 

However he's got you on a wild goose chase with that. 

Policing his porn is pointless. Just end it.