Ex girlfriend came back

[TumeloR]

Hey guys, any advice you give would really be appreciated.

Okay, so me(22) and my ex girlfriend(18) got into a relationship around the end of March (we met on Valentine’s Day), everything was great, we’d see each other at least once a week,we even got an airbnb together, went on picnic dates, even got to meet her mom and family and she met my parents as well as we were really serious about each other (so I thought). So a couple of months down the line in August, things started to change, she wouldn’t call me as often, she started giving me excuses when we were supposed to meet up, for example there was a time when she when said she was going to come over on Sunday but then by Friday she just went MIA and only texted me on Sunday evening, she acted like it was nothing and all she had to say was just “sorry”. I was furious and confused at the same time, her excuse was that she went to stay at her sister’s place, but I felt like the least she could’ve done is let me know they she can’t come anymore and also tell me she’ll be busy the entire weekend instead of just ignoring me. Anyways, me being the kind person that I am, I let it slide and moved on from it. There are other minor things that happened as well but it’s too much to explain.

Anyway, a week later, still in August, we got into an argument over text, basically I was letting her know that I didn’t like the sudden change in her behaviour and I didn’t appreciate how she was treating me. She ignored the message for FIVE days and then sent a paragraph out of the blue telling me that she was sorry, and that it’ll never happen again and that she’ll make it up to me. I accepted it and so she said she would take me out the following Sunday. During the time after the apology, it was weird, she’d take long to reply to messages and when she did they felt cold. It’s like the energy that was there when we were dating before was gone. So I decided to call her instead of texting because I thought it would somehow be a better way to communicate, when I called her we spoke for two minutes then she told me that she was busy at home and she’ll call me later. She only called me back the following night (almost 24 hours later as I called her the previous morning). I was fed up at that point and told her that I can’t do this anymore and deleted her number.

A month down the line(September) she calls me saying that she’s just checking up on me to know how I am and that she’s sorry for everything. I told her I can only forgive her if she could tell me why she was continuously ignoring me and being cold. She couldn’t answer the question so I told her that there’s nothing for me to say and hung up.

So, last week she followed me on Instagram and told me that she wanted to meet up, now me considering that it’s been a while since we’ve spoken and it’s a new year and all that, thought that maybe she might’ve changed her behaviour. I agree to meet up with her and on the night before I asked her if we were still on for tomorrow and guess what? She doesn’t reply. On the day of meeting up she doesn’t say anything and later on posted a story of her walking with some guy at a theme park. I was was livid at that point because I really had my hopes up and at the same time I was hurt that she could treat me like that. So I blocked her on all social media after that because I couldn’t deal with such anymore. I genuinely loved this girl and was willing to go all out for her but I guess she didn’t see that. I’m just really disappointed guys

I just want to know if I did the right thing and also your take on the whole situation. (Sorry for the long message)

[boltnrun]

She wasn't into the relationship anymore.  Trying to hold on would have been pointless because it requires the both of you to keep it going.  She didn't intend to.

You did the right thing.  Now you're free to meet a young woman who is as into you as you are into her.

[Wiseman2]

25 minutes ago, TumeloR said:

in August, things started to change, she wouldn’t call me as often, she started giving me excuses when we were supposed to meet up, for example there was a time when she when said she was going to come over on Sunday but then by Friday she just went MIA and only texted me on Sunday evening, she acted like it was nothing and all she had to say was just “sorry”.

On the day of meeting up she doesn’t say anything and later on posted a story of her walking with some guy at a theme park. I was was livid at that point because I really had my hopes up and at the same time I was hurt that she could treat me like that. So I blocked her on all social media after that because I couldn’t deal with such anymore. 

Sorry this happened. You seem like a sincere guy. A nicer more mature girl won't play with your heart this way. You did the right thing deleting and blocking her. In the long run, you'll see you dodged a bullet. 

[SooSad33]

25 minutes ago, TumeloR said:

we got into an argument over text, basically I was letting her know that I didn’t like the sudden change in her behaviour and I didn’t appreciate how she was treating me. She ignored the message for FIVE days and then sent a paragraph out of the blue telling me that she was sorry, and that it’ll never happen again and that she’ll make it up to me. I accepted it and so she said she would take me out the following Sunday. During the time after the apology, it was weird, she’d take long to reply to messages and when she did they felt cold. It’s like the energy that was there when we were dating before was gone. So I decided to call her instead of texting because I thought it would somehow be a better way to communicate, when I called her we spoke for two minutes then she told me that she was busy at home and she’ll call me later. She only called me back the following night (almost 24 hours later as I called her the previous morning). I was fed up at that point and told her that I can’t do this anymore and deleted her number.

Wow 😞 ... I feel YOU need to calm down a bit.

Fine, she gets busy.. she goes quiet for a bit.. Good on you for actually 'calling' her... BUT, to me, it sounds like YOU have some low tolerence & anger issue's/

- She'd take too long to reply.

- She ignored your msg for 5 days (maybe because she was feeling constant pressures from YOU) - so felt she had to work herself up to deal with you & your reactions.

You deleted her number.. Fine.  Then you are done.

31 minutes ago, TumeloR said:

my ex girlfriend(18) got into a relationship around the end of March (we met on Valentine’s Day), everything was great, we’d see each other at least once a week,we even got an airbnb together, went on picnic dates, even got to meet her mom and family and she met my parents as well as we were really serious about each other (so I thought). So a couple of months down the line in August, things started to change, she wouldn’t call me as often,

- Pls note.. she is only 18.  This age, they are still BIG into their 'high life'.. hanging out, parties.. friends.

Not more settled down yet.

- You did a lot together.. but things simmered down after a cpl of months - normal for the 'excitement' in the beginning.. and to have things settle. ( honeymoon phase comes to an end).  This is when we usually come to see IF things will progress.. or not.

As poster said above ^....  she is not as interested as you are... she should not have led you on for so long..

But, we learn.. you two are still young.  IF someone is truly interested, they will stick around & try.

[TumeloR]

12 minutes ago, SooSad33 said:

Wow 😞 ... I feel YOU need to calm down a bit.

Fine, she gets busy.. she goes quiet for a bit.. Good on you for actually 'calling' her... BUT, to me, it sounds like YOU have some low tolerence & anger issue's/

- She'd take too long to reply.

- She ignored your msg for 5 days (maybe because she was feeling constant pressures from YOU) - so felt she had to work herself up to deal with you & your reactions.

You deleted her number.. Fine.  Then you are done.

- Pls note.. she is only 18.  This age, they are still BIG into their 'high life'.. hanging out, parties.. friends.

Not more settled down yet.

- You did a lot together.. but things simmered down after a cpl of months - normal for the 'excitement' in the beginning.. and to have things settle. ( honeymoon phase comes to an end).  This is when we usually come to see IF things will progress.. or not.

As poster said above ^....  she is not as interested as you are... she should not have led you on for so long..

But, we learn.. you two are still young.  IF someone is truly interested, they will stick around & try.

I hear you, maybe I expected too much from an 18 y/o and yes, you’re right, I have a very low tolerance for nonsense. My thing is though if she’s not interested at all, why does she continue to make contact with me after I dumped her? Could she just be trying to stroke her own ego? It’s quite confusing to me actually.

[boltnrun]

Because, generally speaking, young people love attention.  The popularity of Instagram and Tik Tok proves this.

She's a teenager.  She's going to act like one.

[SooSad33]

4 hours ago, TumeloR said:

A month down the line(September) she calls me saying that she’s just checking up on me to know how I am and that she’s sorry for everything. I told her I can only forgive her if she could tell me why she was continuously ignoring me and being cold. She couldn’t answer the question so I told her that there’s nothing for me to say and hung up.

So, last week she followed me on Instagram and told me that she wanted to meet up, now me considering that it’s been a while since we’ve spoken and it’s a new year and all that, thought that maybe she might’ve changed her behaviour. I agree to meet up with her and on the night before I asked her if we were still on for tomorrow and guess what? She doesn’t reply. On the day of meeting up she doesn’t say anything and later on posted a story of her walking with some guy at a theme park. I was was livid at that point because I really had my hopes up and at the same time I was hurt that she could treat me like that

You ask, WHY does she continue to contact you... after you 'dumped her'? 

Maybe because YOU keep responding/ accepting/ reacting to her.

Look at how many times you 'gave in'.  IF you 'delete' her number.. but talk with her again.. and again.. and even agreed to see her again.. Then,  "OMG, she's not acting like I want her to!"

Fact:  You already knew how she is.  Yet, you agree to see her again- that was YOUR choice.

 

IF you continue to let her at you.. then she will.  IF you are done, then be done.

[TumeloR]

5 hours ago, SooSad33 said:

You ask, WHY does she continue to contact you... after you 'dumped her'? 

Maybe because YOU keep responding/ accepting/ reacting to her.

Look at how many times you 'gave in'.  IF you 'delete' her number.. but talk with her again.. and again.. and even agreed to see her again.. Then,  "OMG, she's not acting like I want her to!"

Fact:  You already knew how she is.  Yet, you agree to see her again- that was YOUR choice.

 

IF you continue to let her at you.. then she will.  IF you are done, then be done.

Thank you for the hard truth I needed to hear.

[MissCanuck]

12 hours ago, TumeloR said:

I hear you, maybe I expected too much from an 18 y/o and yes, you’re right, I have a very low tolerance for nonsense. My thing is though if she’s not interested at all, why does she continue to make contact with me after I dumped her? Could she just be trying to stroke her own ego? It’s quite confusing to me actually.

Bingo. 

She lost interest in you in the summer, but she'll seek your attention when she's between other guys. 

She's way too young for a serious commitment, OP. Her immature and self-centered behaviour is a reflection of that. Leave her in your rearview mirror.