I have been debating with myself for some time if relationships are worth it

[Bukasha]

Hi there! First off, this will be a copy-paste from a similar post I made on another forum seeking some advice, so here goes.

 

So the title does kinda sum up the gist of the post, but I will, of course, elaborate here. I will say sorry in advance if the post is long or jumbled.

 

I am a 32 year old male (if anyone wants to know), and have long had this debate with myself on whether or not romantic relationships are worth having. I know, for some, the very notion might seem ridiculous on its face, and to some extent, I agree, yet... Yet I am really torn.

 

Part of me is a hopeless romantic. If I read a book or watch a movie with characters in love or in great relationships, I find myself yearning for that. To have someone that you love and loves you back, for someone to be close with emotionally and physically. Someone to just... Be with. Someone you trust with your entire being, someone to share your life with. On some days, I want that more than anything.

 

But then there is the other part of me. That part that looks at my past relationships, at the relationships of people I know and the world at large... And I just can't seem to convince myself that it's worth the problems that can, and will, arise. I see how my friends have changed, and not necessarily for the better, when they find a partner and/or have a child. I've seen the stress of family members having children with special needs. I've seen my, and my friends families, torn entirely by drama and human pettiness. I see how nearly half of marriages end in divorce and the issues this cause. I've felt the intense pain and heartache of opening up to another person, only for them to crush your heart and spirit by breaking your trust.

 

And this leaves me in some weird... Limbo. At my age, it has gotten to the point that I'm one of the last people in my circle of friends not to be in a relationship. In my family, I'm pretty much the only adult not to be married or engaged, and it all comes to a head. I go to family gatherings or parties and... Just kinda feel alone. Everyone is talking about things related to their relationships or their children, and I just feel this weird disconnect with everyone.

 

I find it hard to rationalize. I can't just make myself be okay with a relationship just so I don't feel alone at family gatherings. Also, at my age, kids become a relevant topic, and I don't know on that front either. I might want want kids someday, but not right now, and I find that most women my age kinda... Don't want to wait.

 

So, thanks for sticking with my mad thoughts so far. I dunno quite what I am hoping here. Maybe, by writing this, it can help me pin down my thoughts and help me make sense of it all. Maybe someone has gone through something similar and have some insights they want to share. Or maybe no one reads this.