BF feels scared and stressed when thinking about marrying me

[ambereyes]

Amber:

 

" he thought he would be a bachelor till 30 then wanting to settle down or something"

 

That's the first sane thing I've read, Amber. Nowadays few marry before they are thirty. Thirty is the new twenty!

 

It is relatively simple, Amber. What's the big rush. Take a few more years to yourself (yourselves).

 

Yeah I'm not rushing, I honestly don't think I rushed him either but, I am older than him so maybe he assumed...? I did tell him though, that I want to buy a house and it's nice to do it with him but it was just some good wishing, I guess he took it somewhat seriously?

 

Howeverrrr, I admit I have this fear back in my mind that if this one doesnt work out, I will reach 30, and with some bad luck I may just not be able to have family and kids anymore...

[bluecastle]

I say take a deep breath and give this some time—but, as another said, not too much. Listen to him, listen to yourself: two ever-changing organisms. You'll know sooner than later if what he's expressing are some edgy feelings triggered by moving in, to say nothing of a wild moment in human history, or something deeper, a divide between who you are and who he is that can't quite be bridged.

 

Looking back a bit at my own 20s, I recall just about everyone I know being a little "freaked" whenever they did...well, anything new and "adult." Moving in, new job, everything seemed super consequential, with 30 looming as some moment when the cement dried and you were who you were, living the life you'll live forever and ever. Doesn't really work that way, I don't think. Which is scary, from one angle, but pretty thrilling from another.

[ambereyes]

So you mean, having doubts doesn't mean the relationship is already doomed? We need some more time to tell? ok..

 

When we moved in, it was a way to see if we can be a forever thing. We thought it would be a simple “not working -break up” or “working-marriage” thing. But reality is apparently complicated. I think it's fair to say he is feeling somewhere in between-“ it’s working but I still need to make sure forever things are definitely what I want. I'm not there yet“.. so I need to decide if Im ok with him not being 100% sure yet.

 

Also I feel like it's a word game. "Im not ready to marry you now" really is the same as "I'm not sure about being with you forever now", but everyone seems to think "not ready for marriage" is totally acceptable for some 25 year olds but "not sure about forever" is totally a deal breaker..

[kamurj]

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