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Possible retroactive jealousy situation - help! :(


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Thank you for taking the time to read.

I met this guy back at the beginning of March and hit it off straight away. He’s 41 and I’m 25 (we discussed the age gap further a few weeks in and both agreed it wasn’t an issue. We have similar interests, hobbies and are both very outgoing) lockdown happened on the day of our fourth meeting so I thought it would whittle out. It didn’t and we spoke everyday and had phone calls etc. Feelings were reciprocated and we were both very excited to see each other again. I ended up having a cooling off period at his place middle of April as I sadly lost my eldest dog unexpectedly and he was wonderful and so supportive. As lockdown eased we took trips to different areas of the UK, have done boat trips and some wonderful walks with another of my dogs (who he has really bonded with) everything felt wonderful. Then 2-3 weeks ago I could feel a slight shift. I was going to bring it up but on the day I was going to he had some sad personal news so would have been too inappropriate and gave him support. He did start smoking weed during lockdown (he has on and off since his 20s) which was initially a red flag as I’d dated someone when I was 18 who did and know the negative effects (I’m not against it!) but I wondered if it was the weed starting to get too much as he said he needed to get off it as it makes him lazy and he’d started cancelling on friends, always tired and not sleeping. I was meant to see him last Thursday but long story short he forgot to message me when he got home and I mentioned that he seemed distant recently which he didn’t reply to. I messaged him on Sunday to check up on how he’s feeling and he said he was ok and he guessed I was right about not feeling the last few weeks and that a story I told him when we were on a day trip has been playing over in his mind. We were telling each other funny dating stories and this particular guy in question was NOTHING serious and we only met a handful of times - there was a huge language barrier so I was very confused. I called him and told him I was confused and he said ‘oh it’s not you, you know how my head is, it’s just the way I think. Don’t worry, don’t worry.’ And I said ‘well where does this leave me?’ And he said ‘I don’t know but don’t worry’ - obviously I did!! He also said it seemed like I was easy to give my number out (it’s not!) But we agreed we’d meet today for a talk. Unfortunately we are rescheduling to Wednesday because of his work which is fine. I just feel at a complete loss how he went from this sweet, attentive and funny man to distancing himself, not messaging and has now said all this. I feel so hurt and upset. I’ve been reading up about retroactive jealousy and wondering if he has this as he told me about a girl he dated who said something which he couldn’t let go of and ended it. I really don’t want this relationship to end and we had so many plans that I wanted to do with him. Just want experience for anyone on this subject or just a perspective. Thank you

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