NC is the only thing that works!!!

[rb79]

i am relativrly new to this forum but my story has similarities with many other i have come accross, my ex gf and me broke in jan of this year she instigated it but i agreed, but technically i was dumped!! we were together for 3 years but knew each other alot longer..the r/ship kind of fizzled out i guess we spent to much time together and took each other for granted we still continued to live together and it wasnt until she started seeing some1, a friends she claimed (and still does) that it all kind of hit home i reacted emotionally and irrationally for the last two months...i have gone from being extremely angry with her to acting incredibly needy and puttinging pressure on her to ttry again

unsupprisingly she said there is no chance but that she wants to try and b friends she asked for space but to be honest i didnt really give it to her i acted impulsivly texting her and relaying whatever emotional high (or low) i was feeling at a prticular time...i wanted her to know how diificult lifwe was for me without her and how much i needed her.....

 

And you know what? THAT IS THE WORSE THING I COULD HAVE POSSIBLY DONE

 

NEVER show yourself to be needy to your ex especially if you harbour the possibility of getting back it is by far the the most unattractive quality in a person especially in a break up situation my desparate and often irrational behaviour pushed her away further.

 

Instead of just backing off and givving her the chance to consider just what she is giving up i suffacated her and that just simpy hardened her resolve against me..

 

The quaestion i have been pondering with greater clarity i might add is wehther or not i really did want her back or was the possibility of living life without some who i can depend on or have depended on was that scary...i have concluded that it was a combination of both but the fear factor of being alone is the more desructive of the two.

 

For the last 12 days i have had NC now that might not seem a long time to many but for me it is the first time i have instigated it and it has given me a chance to consider my past actions and what theirr consequences are. while we were maintaining contact she had all the control. I would be the one who would contact her if she replied i would see it has being a huge positive event andd if she didnt i would have fits of deppresion and impulsivly text her saying as much...her actions could sway my modd one way or the other and that my friends is not a positive state of affairs.

 

i should have valued my self worth alot more i should not have appeased her indiscretions (with this other guy) by provifing a pillow to cushion her. i let her know that i was waiting fo her like a dog waiting to be throw a bone or some scraps excuse the the crude anology but it is true.....

 

so many peiople in this forum are guilty of the same behaviour and it is so easy to go down that same route but i implore you do not do it!!!

We should value ourseves more because if we dont how can we expect others to value us be that our ex or somebody new. Its not easy in fact i think about her every day but i knw one thing for certain nobody wants someone who does not value themselves so intend to use this time to better myself in any way that i can and when i do feel secure within myself i will decide at that point not now whether i whish to pursue her again and whether she is worth it or not.....only when my head is clear and my emotions and self worth are in check. The only way to achieve this clarity is via NO CONTACT.

[usied]

omg...sooo true...ive also witnessed such things...and til you are over the situation you have figured out that they werent right for you anyway...i totally feel what you have said though..much luck finding a good lady ..take care

[blackberry]

I can definitely attest to acting the part of the "needy" and not willing to initially give her space. After she dumped me, I was initially okay, but things hit home and it finally settled in that this was real. So, i called, emailed, texted her a time or two too much. I'm NOT proud of doing that at all..probably the worst thing I could have done. In the past couple of days, I have come to the realization (with the help of this board) that NC is for me to find myself, to experience the personal and spiritual growth. NC is the only thing you can do right after a breakup.

[blackberry]

I can definitely attest to acting the part of the "needy" and not willing to initially give her space. After she dumped me, I was initially okay, but things hit home and it finally settled in that this was real. So, i called, emailed, texted her a time or two too much. I'm NOT proud of doing that at all..probably the worst thing I could have done. In the past couple of days, I have come to the realization (with the help of this board) that NC is for me to find myself, to experience the personal and spiritual growth. NC is the only thing you can do right after a breakup.

[blackberry]

I can definitely attest to acting the part of the "needy" and not willing to initially give her space. After she dumped me, I was initially okay, but things hit home and it finally settled in that this was real. So, i called, emailed, texted her a time or two too much. I'm NOT proud of doing that at all..probably the worst thing I could have done. In the past couple of days, I have come to the realization (with the help of this board) that NC is for me to find myself, to experience the personal and spiritual growth. NC is the only thing you can do right after a breakup.

[pattysky]

Thanks RB, you are helping me to stay tough and stay away from my ex. He left me two weeks ago, and I wrote the whole story on another thread called "I need advice from men out there...Will he call me back?

I am so devastated and hurt right now, but reading all these posts written by all you wonderful people made me realize that whether he comes back or not, I can't diminish myself and humiliate myself towards someone who has rejected me. The temptation to call is so great, but I know I will end up in tears again so I don't. The scary part is that I miss him so much and I wonder if I will ever hear his voice or see his eyes again. I don't think so. I hope the pain subsides with time, but right now, it is just unbearable. I just keep telling myself to breathe...

[Napoleon Bonaparte]

It might take as long as a year. And remember, when they lose power, they WANT you back., Dont fall into the trap of confessing how desperate you are for em.

[rb79]

i couldn't agree with u more Napoleon, power is a key factor in the break up situation i know this implies playing games and maybe initailly it does but the end result is achieving a sense of power over your self not just the situation and the ex...its about the power to put things right for yourself to get your life together to become independent and self-relient..this may seem like an unattractive goal especially soon after the break up

 

we think we want them back only they can make things better and make us feel better!!!

 

The truth of it is only we can make ourselves feel better and that is always the case a relationship should only increase our happiness not be the sole reason for it!!!

 

Im far from over her but each day is another achievement. Im a firm believer that if you put your mind to something we can achieve anything..but in order to do this our mind has to be clear and focused and stying in contact with someone who has rejected some1(for whatever reason) is not the right state of mind.

 

Pattysky idont know the exact details of you break up but i can empathise with what you are going through if its any comfort many people go through the same thing and come out the other end stronger and wiser people i know you will too....you got to just keep breathing and i promise it will get easier .....

 

peace

rb