Should I break up with my him because his parents are toxic, screwed up people ?

[cinnamon21]

Can your parents arrange a marriage for you that is more consistent with this? Is this bf from a different culture, caste, etc? Are you just slumming it as a form of rebellion?

 

No this is not arranged marriage. We’re from different countries and culture but we’re both Asian (Chinese). I met him at the workplace and that’s how it started. My parents give me freedom to choose.

[cinnamon21]

He is the best boyfriend I can ever have. Attentive, supportive, caring, patient, calm and is always there for me during hard and happy times. He's a great listener and is willing to go extra mile to do things for me. He's also my best friend. I can talk to him about anything. We rarely fight.

 

I'm sad that it has to be this way because of his family. I tried to ignore his family conflicts and convince myself that it has nothing to do me as long as he sets boundaries and we move to another country if we were to get married.

 

He always agrees with me that his family is messed up but this time, I'm very disappointed that he decided to make this 1 big mistake and gave away the opportunity and money that are meant for him to pay for his stupid dad's debt (recently 25K debt for stupid reasons, he became a guarantor to ex-prisoners, who in the end ran away and couldn't pay him back). I'm so angry that my boyfriend has to be the one responsible for his mistakes while the Dad has been an unemployed bum since he's 50 years old and just spent his time watching TV at home.

 

You need to realize its NOT his family, its your boyfriend. He at any time can stop giving them money and he did not do so before he met you, nor cut the ties and he has learned to be shady because of what he did to your aunt. He is not legally responsible for anything his dad does. you have to STOP blaming his family and look at your boyfriend.

 

Okay -- his family bleeds him dry because he ALLOWS it. His bank account is a joint bank account with his parents, otherwise they wouldn't be able to take money out of it or he is lying and they can't touch it but he freely gives it.

 

I and my ex moved 2000 miles away from his family and he STILL gave them money, gave away my things to them that they liked, or otherwise enabled them or became involved in their problems. If you move, mom can still commit emotional blackmail over the phone and by mail and he will find someone else to let interfere. Moving to another country will not solve much. Because now, married, your bank account will be joint and he will still pay for his parents. And then your money willl be gone.

 

There are tons of guys that care and who are good listeners.

 

In Asian culture, it’s very rare to cut parents just like that no matter how bad they are. Kids are also expected to take care of parents financially when they’re old. I just wish he knows how to set boundaries. But this time, I can’t defend my boyfriend, I know that he lets it happen. So I’m very disappointed in him.

[Wiseman2]

Ok it sounds like there are massive incompatibilities from your culture, country, how you deal with family, finances, etc. Additionally you dislike his family and do not respect them. You would be better of letting your parents pick someone or choosing someone more appropriate for you. You are not going to fix his entire family nor there way of being, culture and traditions. Be fair to everyone involved and find someone more suitable.

No this is not arranged marriage.My parents give me freedom to choose. We’re from different countries and culture but we’re both Asian (Chinese).