3 years...Help me get through this

[blackberry]

hey all, I've been a lurker for a few days, but just decided to go ahead and start posting. You know, you don't really start looking for advice until it really happens, and the songs don't have any sort of meaning until...

 

blah, anyway...sorry for that babbling.

 

My ex and I had gone out for 3 years. We met late in 2001 started out pretty close in distance to each other, I was in Baton Rouge, La; she in New Orleans...about 45 minutes away from each other. We started off great, saw each other almost every day. She got accepted into Optometry School in Houston, Texas (about 4hours away) and we decided that we'll continue the relationship on the LDR basis, but still committed 100% to each other.

 

Let's fast forward to 2004. The relationship is still going great, I'm doing my thing, she's doing her studies. During that summer, I find out that I'm so close to graduating, but wouldn't be able to get into my university's business college (i started off horribly, but ended in alot better shape...) Because of this, my mental state and psyche were severely damaged, due to me viewing myself as a failure, and me not feeling "good enough" or not on her "level." She tried and tried and tried so hard to tell me that things would be okay, but as a man, I just felt like a complete failure. As the year progressed, we stayed together, but got into arguments (we never really had before) that would leave her in tears, and me in a very bad state of depression. I regret so much what I had put her through with me.

 

Fast forward to the breakup:

 

We hit our 3 year anniversary on December 8th, 10 days later, she asked me to give her some space. This was my first real relationship, and when she asked me that, I was thinking that it was a temporary "break" of sorts, to give me time to sort out my situation, find a career, and become stable. Her words were "do this for yourself, not me." I'll admit that I wrote her the "I WANT YOU BACK" e-mails, and I called her more than I probably should have. She responded with "just concentrate on what you have to do. Things will work themselves out. We'll get back together if it's really meant to be, but don't force it." That just broke my heart, and left me in worse shape as I was before.

 

I visited her twice, once without her knowing, and once her asking me to come down to Houston. She says that "The truth is that I really want to be with you, but I want to see where you are in your career." When I heard that, I was ecstatic I guess, I mean, she still wanted to be with me! That night, she also said "I LOVE YOU." Wow...I was just..floored.

 

Well, that was back in February. Since then, we've been talking regularly on AIM, up until about 2 weeks ago. The communication has stopped. Everything has come to a standstill. (I'm rushing this b/c I've gotta head to work in 10 minutes).

 

I've gone back to school for Internal Audit (which would pretty much guarantee me a great career afterwards), and I'm steadily getting my life back together. I've also got a great job while I'm focusing on this.

 

Basically, What would you do in my situation? After what she's told me, and after this silence in communication, do I hang on? Do I ask her to wait and hang on for me? Do I just let it go, and proceed to take in the "whatever happens happens" deal?

 

I'm sorry for this being so long. I've found myself again, but I've felt so lost w/o her in the past 5 months.

[h_b_k_02]

NC. If she wants to come back, she will. She knows you want to be with her, so focus on your school and getting YOUR life in that great career, to earn a potential great income to support YOURSELF, and if you do happen to meet someone else, then so be it.

[sisterlynch]

If it is taking you this long to get through a break up, then you really need to darken the door of a psyhologist room, go and and have a talk.

[sidhat]

Dear,

 

If i m in your shoes I will leave her on her own and start doing my important things for my life.. I know will be hard for me to forget the memories but I start try to occupied my mind too busy so i will hardly think abt her.. studies , job, exercises..all I can have for me .. and start improving myself..

 

And simple and short do NC and improve your self and dont get in any relation until you think you forget her completely.. and then enjoy yourself.

[blackberry]

well, it's only bout about 4.5 months, I'm not sure if that's long enough to warrant any type of psychiatric care...but correct me if I'm wrong.

 

I thank you guys for your comments. I'm trying to stay strong, concentrating on everything that I have to do to become a stronger, independent person. But I get this feeling that there's always gonna be that "something's missing" type of feeling no matter how successful I become. I'm not looking for any sort of relationship as I'm sure that'll distract me from what's most important...ME.

 

Also, the biggest obstacle that I faced was convincing myself that it wasn't all my fault, that she wasn't perfect, and that I deserved so much more than i was really getting after the breakup. I had to convince myself everyday that I'll be happy and complete one day, but not now. I'm too busy rounding myself into a much better person.

[heloladies21]

You got the right idea playa, just remember that No Contact is your friend and stick to it. It will help speed the healing process. Every time you communicate with her, you go back to square one. So keep it silent and you will be back on top in no time.

 

And don't believe that crap about her wanting you to find out where you are in your career. That's just an excuse to explain the emotion she feels about not wanting you anymore. She most likely doesn't even know why she lost it for you, but i guess she felt like she had to say something.