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How can I deal and get over this?


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Hello, I am very new to this and just want to hear peoples opinion on my situation and hopefully advice to help me get over this whole thing. This is my story


Im sorry for making it so long


I never believed in love at first sight until I saw this one particular girl. We are in college and Im an upperclass men while she just started. Well we meet and right away I dont know what got to me but I was a different man with her. I saw myself doing things I have never done or even thought about doing for any girl but this girl was so special in my eyes and I truly feel like I can relate now when people speak about the word love. That word was always very bland to me as I knew what it was based on what others have told me but I never got to experience it until now and honestly, It has caused me so much pain. So I start seeing this girl and I'm so happy to spend time with her and she was so sexy and beautiful and everything was great in the beginning for like 3 months. I started to realize that we were not in the same place mentally and she was very inmature which in turn would eventually take a toll on me. I loved being with her and finding things out about her and i had never been more interested in a girl in my life. I was ready to settle down with her nothing mattered to me anymore and she became my world (very unhealthy i now know that). Fast foward we had alot of arguments mostly me trying to make things work and spend the most time with her but it just ended up with me becoming the clingy bf (im not proud of this). We broke things off for like a month but i returned to her because i just couldnt bare not having her by my side. We dated for a month or 2 more and same issues aroused and we ended up breaking up for good (I was still madly in love when this happend).


This is where things go south for me. I have been in plenty of relationships before her and when things end I usually hurt for about half of the time I spent in the relationship and I would usually heal but this time was way different then expected. I thought about her everyday and i couldnt bear not being with her. I tried to reconnect after 2 months of the break up and she rejected me and honestly i dont blame her for this since we did reconnect before and things did not end well then so i would assume she thought it would just be the same outcome. I cut off all contact with her after that and tried my best like never before to forget this girl. I dated 3 different girls after her and the feelings i had for this girl have not been replicated. Its been 9 months since the real break up and although I am better then how i started, I still think about her everyday, still hope to speak to her again, still want to kiss her, hold her, and it breaks my heart that i can no longer do that. The crazy things is, the new girls i dated after her treated me 100% better then she did and they would be the best girl on paper if we were to compare but yet im still cling onto this one girl. She made me feel insecure, bad about myself, didnt fulfill my needs, didnt seem to care about me the way i cared about her but yet all I can think about is her. I recently saw her at a party and I believe she now has a bf. This is one of the worst feelings I ever experienced. Knowing that someone else is enjoying what I want most. I have hope that one day we can reconnect and now be mature enough to make things work but i feel like im just hurting myself even more by doing this and i cant seem to stop it. Worst part of it is, i never got to tell her that i loved her. She truly doesnt know the way that I truly feel about her. I believe she feels she was not that important to me as she has seen me with other girls after her and I have tried my best to enjoy my life and continue to move on. If only she knew she means the world to me.


There are plently of other things i would like to share but i don't want to make this too long and im sorry for that. Just want some advice on what i should do to move on or if i should fight to get her back.

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I'm sorry to hear things didn't work out with this woman. No, it's VERY wrong for you to "fight to get her back". Don't do that! This relationship sounded a bit toxic. Breaking up, getting back together, breaking up again. It sounds to me, like there was a lot of infatuation with this woman. You know, there's a difference between love and infatuation. The fact that you couldn't get her off your mind (and still can't), that "she became your world". That's an absolutely terrible mindset to have with dating. When you date someone, you still need to be content with your own life. You need to have your own life, your own hobbies, friends, relationships. You can't dump your entire feelings and thought processes into another person, or you will set yourself up for disaster.


It didn't work out, man. And, you know I want to tell you something. My first real love... it took me years to get over her. You mentioned 9 months. Maybe that's not enough. It takes time to heal and get over someone. This has been said on here countless times, but I will say it again. You need to cut her out of her life. Destroy pictures, take her off the social media, remove her from your phone. You need to find other things to occupy your time. And you need to tell yourself that, this person isn't worth my time or energy. You even met people that were better than her, so why would you dwell on someone like that?


Distance yourself from her, keep your thoughts distracted. Over time, things will get better, I promise. :smug:

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  • 2 weeks later...

It's a good idea to mind your own self and move forward from this. Don't meddle in anyone's business, most of all hers. She's moved on with someone else.


You found her immature and yet say that you love her more than anyone you ever loved before. Are you sure you're not speaking about your ego or any slighted feelings from the break up? She didn't appreciate you as a person. You didn't respect her as a person. This is an unhealthy mix. Take it easy and don't hurt yourself further.


You can make peace with this part of your life by genuinely wishing well on the people you've known and letting go with some grace. The more you obsess about this person and tell yourself that you have a chance with her the more you'll appear delusional and very inappropriate. Don't harass her or intervene in her personal life or attempt to break up her relationship. It won't be good for you in the long run.


Keep up your mental and physical health. Take care of yourself. This means, realistically, stop serial dating and meeting up with women when you are not ready to date again. Spend more time on yourself and enjoy the company of friends and family. Focus on your hobbies and clear your mind. Let go of the past and heal yourself inside and out. You're upset and trying to run before you can walk. Give yourself time and do things the right way. Good luck.

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