What happened to us?

[Tonight We Fly]

Hello everyone. This is my first time posting here, and this may seem long-winded, but I need some advice on my situation.

 

In September 2003, I met a guy at school. We'll call him "Russell." We were friends for about two months, and he asked me out in the beginning of November. Looking back on it, our relationship was alright. It wasn't amazing, but I fell in love with him. He told me he loved me as well. We spent time together, he treated me well, and things were heading in a postitive direction. In March, he broke up with me. I never got a reason. I also never got over it. For over a year, I thought about him constantly. When I dated other guys, I never loved them, or even liked them, as much as I loved "Russell." I would cry myself to sleep each night, and it hurt me so much to see him.

 

In December of 2004, Russell and I began talking again. We became friends, and he asked me back out in the beginning of February. My dream was finally coming true. The only man I had ever loved was coming back to me. We entered a new phase in our relationship, and both of us agreed that things were much better this time around. We spent a lot of time together, had great conversations, were both very attracted to each other, talked about the future, etc. We found ourselves head over heels in love with each other. I couldn't go a day without seeing him.

 

Now we're half way into the month of May, and something has happened. The relationship between Russell and I is falling apart. It seems as thought the "spark" is missing. Not only that, but there are a few problems I have with him. For one thing, he appears to be going nowhere with his life. He openly speaks about how he loves to do nothing but "sit around all day." Sometimes, I don't even think he loves me anymore. He doesn't call me (although he never did), and the only times we talk on the phone is when I call him. Less than a month ago, he went away on vacation and called me every day.

 

Another problem is that I recently lost my virginity to him. Since then, I've begun to feel like all he cares about is sex. He claims that he doesn't, but that he's "so attracted to me he wants to have sex all the time." He says that sex isn't the only thing he wants, but that he truly wants to be with me and that he can't see himself with anyone else.

 

I can't see myself with anyone else either. I think that if we do break up, I won't date anyone for a long time. I don't know if we fell out of love or what… but I really don't know what to do. Should I stay with him and attempt to mend the relationship? I really don't know what went wrong. Should I leave him? I don't know if I could do that.

 

First impressions always stick. When I first met Russell, he was the nicest, sweetest, most respectful person I'd ever met. I still think of him that way, although whether it still holds true is debatable. I feel as though despite the fact that our relationship is crumbling, that I can't leave him. I suffered for over a year without him, I don't know if I'll be able to do that again. We've become very comfortable with each other.

 

Thanks to anyone who read this whole post. I feel very lost and confused right now, and I need some advice.

[goddess23]

o wowwww....honestly it sounds similar to my situation in the sense that im scared to let go this time around even though i know there are major flaws. because i know i wouldnt even lay my lips agaisnt another guys until a new chapter in my life begins (in my case im referring to the end of high school which is still awhile away). i really love this guy yet his feelings yo yo like crazy. it seems you two have a very strong bond though, and i would just mark it off as a faze right now. however if this feeling persists then you will have to eventually bring it up and talk about it. you know what, the fact that you did live without him will show you that you are stong enough, howeever i realize the boredom that comes iwth it lol. for now let it go...but if it persists then talk to him about how you're feeling. you shouldnt have to feel like you have to walk on eggshells around him. so talk to him about it. thats the best thing to do to at least give you clarity.

[shorty20]

this problem happened with me and my ex also. We became so comfortable in our relationship, that we just started getting bored. He wouldn't call me anymore, and when I'd call him he'd always be doing something. The thing is, when I tried to talk to him about it, and ask him if he thought our relationship was changing, he would shut me out. He wouldnt give me streight answers, and if I persisted he'd get upset and hang up. Time and time again, I'd tried to get through to him. Then he started telling me that I was nagging him and becomeing the gf that everybody hated. If only he had sat down and talked with me about our relationship and showed me he cared we could have moved on from it. So, we broke it off. 6 months later he called and said he wanted to be friends again, and we remain great friends today, 2 years later. I say that you should probably wait it out a couple weeks, see if he's just going through a phase. If not, sit him down and talk about it. Don't make it seem like you're mad, just make it seem like you truly want to work things out. I would try my very best to sit down one night, talk about it, and once it's solved to leave it there. Otherwise it gets frusterating to the guy and they think you are nagging. Good luck!

[RandomAdvisor]

It may be possible to save your relationship with him, but you need to sit down and have a serious talk with him about all the things you have laid out in this post.

 

Did you ever find out why it was he dumped you the first time?