Am I wrong?

[Purdy]

 

Sorry but another question you may be able to help with, in giving her this space and she approaches me to spend time or go do something how should I react to this? Will I be caving in on my giving space if I oblige her in this way🤔

 

Good for you, would be interested to hear how you get along with this as it could be helpful to myself and other in the same situation.

 

if she approaches you and wants to spend time together, etc. then it's up to you if you want to participate. if it were me, i'd probably want to spend time with my husband if he asked me to. some might think that's weak, but at the end of the day i love my husband and i miss spending time with him. i also feel like if my husband eventually decides to end our marriage, then he won't be able to ever say i was a bad wife. he will have to live with the memories of how good i was to him in the end, that i stuck to my vows.

 

had the counseling appt. and it went well. definitely some tough things to hear and i had to rush off the phone once he arrived at home but i'm glad i had the appt.

 

the positive: i was reassured that i wasn't at fault for his actions, that i was doing my best to remain true to my vows by wanting to work through our marriage, that if our marriage ended it wouldn't be because of me and i could stand tall knowing i did my best should i have to bear the label of divorce

 

the negative: he's not acting like he's married so i should refrain from sex and acting like his wife (essentially stop taking care of him and doing things for him, which i have and need to keep refraining from), that i need to work on myself in regards to getting stronger so i can see i don't deserve this treatment, that my marriage absolutely should end as there may not be any coming back from this, and i need to start thinking of my future without him and making plans for me

 

tough stuff to hear and talk about but i needed to hear it.

[Timeout74]

if she approaches you and wants to spend time together, etc. then it's up to you if you want to participate. if it were me, i'd probably want to spend time with my husband if he asked me to. some might think that's weak, but at the end of the day i love my husband and i miss spending time with him. i also feel like if my husband eventually decides to end our marriage, then he won't be able to ever say i was a bad wife. he will have to live with the memories of how good i was to him in the end, that i stuck to my vows.

 

had the counseling appt. and it went well. definitely some tough things to hear and i had to rush off the phone once he arrived at home but i'm glad i had the appt.

 

the positive: i was reassured that i wasn't at fault for his actions, that i was doing my best to remain true to my vows by wanting to work through our marriage, that if our marriage ended it wouldn't be because of me and i could stand tall knowing i did my best should i have to bear the label of divorce

 

the negative: he's not acting like he's married so i should refrain from sex and acting like his wife (essentially stop taking care of him and doing things for him, which i have and need to keep refraining from), that i need to work on myself in regards to getting stronger so i can see i don't deserve this treatment, that my marriage absolutely should end as there may not be any coming back from this, and i need to start thinking of my future without him and making plans for me

 

tough stuff to hear and talk about but i needed to hear it.

 

Well that is the thing I feel like I would want to spend the time with my wife but I also feel like I would be giving in on trying to give her space.

This is the first day I’m trying to leave her be, I will admit I told her this morning I was doing so and why. I just explained I felt like what I was doing at the moment has not helped matters and she has made no effort to try at all. I said that I am going to give her the space she maybe wants as she doesn’t seem to want to be about me. I will see how it all goes but I’m sure I know the outcome and that will be I’ll be wronging her in her book.

 

I’m glad your session with the counselling went well and yes I’m obviously no expert but I do have to agree with what they told you and from what you have explained. I’m sure if you stick with there advice you will feel stronger although it’s easy to say I know I would find this heartbreak myself.