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Purdy

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About Purdy

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  1. should i say it again? Stop Caring. it's that simple. i haven't been on the forum for a few months but wanted to check-in. my husband and i are still married and kinda working through the issues, if you want to put it that way. things are not perfect, nor do i trust him but i eventually got to the point that i stopped caring and HE NOTICED! i stopped asking him how his day was, stopped checking-in to see what he wanted to do over the weekend, stopped wanting to talk about our problems and how we could fix them, stopped crying in front of him, just stopped everything. he noticed it r
  2. thank you everyone for your support and thoughts. it's been a very difficult time. my husbands constant going back and forth with what he wants has been torture and it's forced me to start "moving the fence" if you will, because i just can't keep letting him string me along. i've cried my eyes out the past month and slowly started to accept that he won't be coming back to this marriage. the separation agreement proceedings was a big step for me. to have the peace of mind i'll be protected should it eventually come to divorce. it's not about playing divorce chicken as someone said,
  3. yes, i have no proof he's cheating but his behavior makes me not rule it out. that's exactly why i've taken the time to get all this set up, so it shows him i'm not going to wait on him to make up his mind and get through his "grass is greener syndrome". he's going to see what he's losing if this marriage ends, and it will be right there in black & white. then i can walk away protected...with a broken heart, but protected financially.
  4. for those of you who know my story this is an update... he's 35yrs and i'm 31yrs. he's been back and forth with divorce talk and even called attorney's (which made me call attorney's and do my research to protect myself). well, i'm tired of getting the "i'm confused" response and "i love you but i don't trust my own feelings right now" responses. so i've recently took action and got us an appointment for a separation agreement. i told him he's left me no choice but to protect myself should he maintain this attitude and not want to work on the marriage with counseling, communicating with
  5. you were absolutely not ready to get married to your longtime boyfriend, it was very unfair of you to do that. yes, it was awful that your boyfriend hit you after you confessed about your affair and plans to be married to Adam but you should have known your boyfriend wasn't marriage material at that moment when he hit you, but neither were you! as you were not being faithful to him. i also find it strange that Adam just up and quit the relationship when he was so willing to marry you right away, just seems like he wasn't a good choice for a partner either as he didn't stick around. at
  6. sex for females at 18 is different for males at 18. most females will need commitment and loyalty to be vulnerable enough to have sex at 18 but males don't need that. sure he's in a relationship with you now but it's highly unlikely you're going to be it for him and he'll never be with anyone else. i personally was not ready for sex until my mid 20's. i knew guys needed to have sex with a bunch of women before settling down and i didn't want to be used or another conquest. so i waited, but that's just me. and i didn't even end up with the guy i first had sex with but i was way more pre
  7. Trust me! he is not going to change this part of him just because of you. this is something that will need to be dealt with on his own and will probably be a life long struggle for him. once the butterfly stage comes to an end and you're together for years, he will venture back into these habits. i dated a guy once who admitted to me he let girls and guys go down on him AND he had gone down on guys too! i tried to deal with it but the relationship had to end. there are a lot of men who think porn is normal bedroom activity and have been corrupted to think they are porn stars themselv
  8. well if that's the case and she specifically told you the dose would be lowered and told you she's began taking the lower dose and isn't doing so, then all you can do is make a mental note of it (that she's not telling you the truth). you cannot force her to lower her dose if she's not ready all you can do is control yourself and ask yourself these things. is this who i want to continue to love forever, a liar who can't even tell me the silliest of truths? is this enough for me to leave and/or file for divorce? is this how someone who is supposed to love me should behave? like i'v
  9. agree with this! i mean sure, most women want a man who can provide BUT she agreed to this arrangement and now is resentful to you? makes no sense to put blame on you for something you BOTH decided. she's definitely not in the mood to talk, which is code for she's not in any place to work on things with you. therefore, i'd keep looking for jobs and also watch her closely to see what else is going on. i have a feeling there is someone else in the picture feeding her lines of "you deserve better", "you're husband isn't a man", etc. now this person could be a new friend or a secret affa
  10. his response to you is basically that he's moved on. i know that hurts, but he doesn't sound like a winner to me if he let you go. you want a guy who will fight for you, always! i agree with some of the other posters here, he was using you to talk to until he found someone new to spend his time on. i would go NC and block him from all social media as well, out of sight out of mind. plus it will send a clear message to him that you meant it when you said you didn't want to be friends. you don't want to be "that girl" who he keeps as "friends" if his new relationship doesn't work out.
  11. i'm female so i can only tell you how guys have approached me (when i was single) in college. 1. i took a debate class and when it was my turn to give an opinion the guy who liked me immediately followed up with supporting my opinion and continued to with other debaters in the class. i thought it was really sweet and after class he talked to me about how he thought my stance was agreeable to his and asked me out for lunch to "talk" more about class. we both knew it was going to be getting to know each other though, and not so much about class. 2. waiting for english class to start, i h
  12. i had a friend who's sister didn't want to be MOH either in her wedding and showed up to the wedding last minute. her sister literally tried so hard to ruin what is such a special day. in fact, i think she is estranged from her sister now because the relationship got so toxic. anyway, as her husband i would just focus on supporting your wife. you DO NOT need to get involved in the situation and bad mouth her sister. it's best to just be there for your wife. let her vent to you, be a shoulder to cry on, etc. i mean you're married to your wife and she comes with a crazed sister unfortun
  13. your wife's meds may or may not be the same as mine but i will tell you how i got off my antidepressants just so you know how it worked for me (if that even helps). when i visited my doctor wanting to get off my meds, he instructed me that the dosage would remain the same. the only difference would be to slowly come off of them. so instead of taking a pill every day, i'd start with taking one every other day for 2wks, then every 3 days for 2wks, and so on and so forth until i was down to one pill a week, then one pill every 2wks to eventually no pill. he said coming off antidepressant
  14. there's no way i could continue a marriage without sex. as a woman, i want to be desired and feel like my husband is insanely attracted to me. maybe that's just me but i HAVE to feel like i'm meeting his appetite and am the apple of his eye. otherwise, i would have a hard time wanting to have sex with him because i wouldn't feel like he's interested so i'd lose interest and eventually want to end it and find a man who can meet my needs and appreciate having a woman who enjoys sex. i completely get how you feel. i was doing the same zoned out moments when we had interaction, thinking i did
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