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Timeout74

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  1. Thank you for taking the time to respond in such a time consuming manner. Unfortunately I can't remember what life was like without her in it. We were together from a young age and grew into middle ages with each other. Hobbies, I have tried. I have been through every right and wrong thing I can try just now. Obviously the lock down in the UK is putting major restrictions on anything that can be done. It's been like this for nearly a year now which hasn't helped the situation. All I can really do is walk my dogs which as nice as this is, it's frustrating I can't get out and meet new friends.
  2. Not legally divorced yet Scottish law state you have to be separated for over a year. Again my daughter is now over 16 so there is no need for a custody arrangement, Scottish law class her as an adult after 16. There is no legal restraints against me, but the threat is real, I have been advised by my lawyer not to approach the house myself due to what I could be blamed of ( I'll let you think about that lol) and also I can't afford any kind of legal offence against me with my future career. She has just turned into such a vindictive individual, I don't think I will ever understand how someone I spent 20 odd years of my life with could turn so hateful, we are now strangers which is strange in itself.
  3. Hi folks, This time it really has been a while, 3rd of May last year to be precise. I just thought I would pop back with an update. Well law and behold I'm still pretty much in the same place all round. My ex wife is still in the martial home and hasn't paid the mortgage. Its only now that the bank is forcing to take the house through court. I haven't been allowed to step foot in the house since I left, she played a very clever game by threatening me with the police if I go near (which I can't afford to risk). I had family going to collect my mail but she put a stop to this by reducing my family members to near tears with the words that came out her mouth and my rear door of the property. I have now moved into a brand new home which I've settled in, I now have a whole new career in the making and when I finish university I will be a member of a professional organisation. I still don't see much of my daughter, in fact I've only seen her when she wants something from me to be honest, when I say wants something I mean money. When I do see her she doesn't speak, she won't sit in the same room as me. For anyone that may read this, it's now been nearly a year and my feeling for my wife,,,,, well they are still there, why, God only knows because I've been put through absolute hell. We haven't spoken a word to each other since March last year and I still feel I would take her back today if she asked. I'm now at a stage with my lawyer where I'm going to try and take possession of my home back, yes I'm in a new home but I'm not comfortable here, I'm settled but I'm not comfortable. It's never going to feel like my home, this is just a personal issue for me. I could lose the house when it goes to court and if I do well so be it, I will have tried. I now have an amazing network of new friends who have helped me emotionally and they will never know how much but I still struggle daily, I still don't sleep well, I don't eat well and my life I'd really lonely but I'm still going. I just hope one day all this will be out of my head and allow me to fully move forward.
  4. I closed the account as I was advised to and turned out I had the right to as it only required one signature. Although again I had to pay costs she had on the account that were pending in order to do so. Made her pretty mad because as crazy as this sounds I never had any access to this account to see what was going on transaction wise. I just paid into this weekly and had been for so many years an amount of money to cover my half of bills. This was a major problem when it came to me trying to see what was happening, involved a meeting with the bank in where I was to produce documents to confirm my identity then a waiting process to get me details to allow me to see what was going on.
  5. Sorry I should have mentioned that my daughter turns 17 this year, the year I have been looking forward to most her life because I can teach her to drive. Would also like to ask if anyone can advise me on where I stand regarding me leaving some of my belongings in the marital home even if I've moved into another home. This would apply to UK law if anyone has had to deal with this before. I ask as I am moving into a far smaller property and won't have the space needed right not to house all my belongings from home.
  6. Thanks for all the input. Had a heck of a few days through one thing or another any I'm trying to pull through that. Reading through the comments I would like to explain a little. The healing process mentioned,, I had done this, I was finally starting to accept what had happened and where my future was going. I had moved back into the marital home because my wife and daughter left it. I found out after she left we were in serious debt, real unbelievable debt with our mortgage, taxes and loans. I was flabbergasted but felt somewhat responsible as I should have paid far more attention. I went to the bank to check where all the money was going in our joint account and it seems my then wife was transferring large amounts of money (to us) into another account which I had no access to. Anyway long story short I had to contact all the companies and sort all this out and managed to secure my home because it was in the process of being taken by the bank because it hadn't been paid in so long. I moved back into the house and with the help of family I went about clearing it and cleaning it then redecorated it. Not even two day later I was contacted by my wife who asked to speak to me as she felt this wasn't over. I agreed and she came to the house sat in tears on the sofa and basically said she wanted her family back. Now this is where I done the wrong thing. I agreed so her and my daughter had been out the house just under a month and they both moved back. Everything seemed good we were making plans, I changed my job to a better suited one with better hours all seemed good but it didn't last. Within a week my wife went cold, I was being ignored i was being shut out and it was like I had rewound my life six months. I was crushed, devastated and heartbroken again and before long I had been sickened out my own home which I had just saved and worked every waking minute to bring back up to scratch. Sorry this is long. Regarding my daughter. I really felt I had her back, she was great and I was being involved again in her life. She was asking for my help just all normal stuff but it ended also. Since I've been away I haven't seen my daughter once apart from when I found her walking the streets at 11pm at night during what's meant to be a lock down. I told her to get in the car and took her home. She has totally shut me out which is well I don't know what I'm actually feeling about this. I'm being told and maybe I'm just not seeing it because I can't accept it still but between friends and family I'm being told I've been played like a fiddle and it's obvious my wife has came back to that house for a reason, what that is I have no idea because i got a call from the mortgage company two days ago to ask why there has been two payments missed after me making arrangements with them so she is doing what she done the last time but unfortunately she is hurting me also in doing this.
  7. I'm trying, really trying. Just about every person has told me I'll get through this. I really hope I do because I've yet to see a glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel. Thanks for sharing your experiences.
  8. Hi. I have just put up a somewhat similar post and I'm experiencing similar feeling to you although it's not been seven years but all in perhaps a year for me on and off. I won't go into to much detail as its mostly been shared on here. I also have strong feeling for my ex that I just can't shake no matter what I do or try. I would say I dream of her every single night and that's if I actually sleep because I have some really bad night, nights seem to be worse for me. It can be something silly as a small memory enters my head and that just sets me off, it can be a movie a song. I actually had to run for my car last week as I was walking our dog (who I have with me) and something I had completely forgot about entered my head and it was something that happened between us a nice memory. I was walking in the same area, same spot and with the same dog and the memories just hit me like a truck. I felt sick I felt light headed. Went into a panic attack and made a run for my car. I sat in there for 30 minutes before I could start the engine. Now I know all this sounds crazy and bazaar, if someone else would have told me this a few years ago I would have wondered what the hell was going on with them. What I'm trying to say is I understand, I can't help because I can't help myself but I am really struggling with this and I shouldn't because although there was no physical abuse I did get my feelings played with a lot, I got lied to and deceiver in an unforgettable way but I still have very strong feelings,,, I actually think the way my head is I would return to my ex if she asked and I know it would be so wrong on so many levels. I have done the whole therapy thing I've seen a doctor I've tried medication but it's in my heart body and mind and I can't let her go. I'm a 45 year old man who barely shed a tear in his life and I'm a bloody mess now. I've broke down in tears in front of so many people I feel so embarrassed afterwards. I'm sorry I can't help and the only advice I can offer although for me it only works sometimes is to go for a long walk, wither it be morning noon or 3am I just walk it off the best I can.
  9. Hi all, I'm not sure if anyone will remember me being on here as it was a few months ago now. My title was sexless marriage. Well that is now resulted in the end of my marriage and not through my doing I believe. I can't remember where I was at the last time I posted but I have been to hell and back several times over the past months, I've been heartbroken and had that mended and broken again. I've had my feelings toyed with and been used and played which has resulted in me being in a very dark place. I'm struggling, really struggling as I can't no matter what I do get my wife out my head. Every single day I end up feeling down and become upset. It can be the smallest thing like a memory will come into my head. I shouldn't allow myself to feel like this after the way I have been treated because she has been truly horrible to me. The friends I have left and my family think I'm being an idiot after what she has done to allow her to have this hold over me. I've been to a Councillor I've been to a doctor who just gave me medication but that makes me feel muted and I don't like feeling like that. I really need to talk to people for ideas and suggestions because being honest here I don't think I can continue this path. I've moved jobs, I've now had to find a new home I'm trying to build a new career but my memories are always overwhelming me from thinking positively and moving on. I know my wife doesn't feel like this she is living her life as normal with not a care in the world about me or what she has done to me over the past months. To top it off I'm not getting to see my daughter because her head seems to turned against me which is unbelievable and sole destroying as I spent most of my daughters life with her. I was the one who took her everywhere myself, took an interest in everything she had an interest in, built all her school projects with her,,,, I'm sure your getting the picture here. I can barely get a reply to a text message from her now and haven't seen her in weeks now. Just need to talk this through if anyone is willing to
  10. The one thing that constantly runs through my mind on making a decision is, can I ever trust my wife again because of what she has done and been doing for months now behind my back. I think if trust has gone there is no going back but this is what I’m talking through with my councillor at the moment to try and help me see it in a sensible way and not through anger and upset.
  11. My wife and daughter are still in the family home. As I mentioned above they were all set to move and I went about saving my house from the creditors and was meant to be moving back in. My wife contacted me days before I was going to move back to ask if I could let them stay in the house as she felt it would help her sort herself out. I obviously said yes but as soon as I did the very next day the nicely nicely had gone from my wife and back to speaking to me like I was nothing. I have remained civil and polite through the most part of this. My only fault was the thing with my daughter which I may add wasn’t gossiping and turned out to all be infact true but I thought I had already mentioned this🤔. I could go on and on about everything my wife and her family has done to try and put me down and I will admit there has been times when the anger inside me has been at levels I never knew I had but I’ve always kept this to myself and not lashed out. My family think I’m absolutely crazy for putting up with it and sticking up for my wife and daughter because of the mess that has been made of me. I know myself what’s going on is down right cruel towards me but I still can’t go against my wife. I’m not ashamed to say I have had nights after a call from my wife or a text where she has had me in tears with the things said or done. I am now living myself and have lost everything through this, I’m now left dangling like a unused puppet awaiting my wife’s decision on how she wants to proceed in our marriage. I just need to know if this is all over or are we giving it another go but she refuses to give me an answer at the moment. The problem is from my view this is all making things worse for us and I’m starting to feel that I should just make the decision to end the marriage once and for all because I feel this has went on long enough and I need to move on.
  12. Well a bit of an update/story for you people. I haven’t been near the internet recently as unfortunately I haven’t been taking this ordeal very well at all. I have now been of work for the past seven weeks and I’m seeing a councillor because as silly as it sounds I just can’t absorb everything that’s going on. I am still away from the family home where my wife and daughter are still staying and I’m getting very mixed signals from my wife when I’m trying to get my head straight. As of about a month ago it was decided by my wife that our marriage was definitely over and she was moving into another house. I then got myself a financial advisor and sorted out the family home as my wife and daughter had said they didn’t want to be there anymore so I planned on moving back if it was affordable to me which turns out it was but money would be tight for me. Two days before I was moving back in and my wife was moving out I got a call from her saying that she was sorry for what she said and it wasn’t over and that she just needed time to herself and I’m her wanting this time could she stay in the family home for this period of time. I was told this would be till the start of January. I agreed to this as I want to try and keep us all together and mend whatever is broken if I can. Well since I agreed to this things have just gotten worse, worse in the fact my wife can’t speak to me in a civil manner, she still refuses to even see me so I can’t go near the house and for no good reason my daughter is refusing to speak to me, speak to me on a phone not even answer a text message. She has actually blocked my number from calling her. Now I will point out I have only seen her once since I left at the beginning of October and this was through her choice not mines I tried like a bear to make arrangements. When we said our goodbyes things where great but she went away for a few days with my wife and her family and since returning she refuses to have anything to do with me. This really upsets me as it her birthday soon and I wanted it to be a happy time as she told me she wanted for me her and my wife to go for a meal on her birthday. Well I was so looking forward to this but again since they returned from there few days away this has also changed and this meal now includes all my wife’s family. Better still if I hadn’t asked what was happening on my daughters birthday I would never had know this was happening. Now you can feel free to jump on me here but I have refused to attend this meal which I am upset about but for all that my wife’s family have done during this I can’t bring myself to spend time in there company, it would be very awkward and uncomfortable and I don’t want that on my daughters birthday. Soooo where I stand now is I feel like I’m going out of my mind with what has been said and I don’t know how I should be moving forward. Do I wait to see what my wife has to say about our marriage in January? I can’t even get a hint of what she is thinking about all this. If I’m being totally honest with myself and part of me doesn’t want to be thinking this but I personally don’t think I want a relationship with my wife anymore. She has caused me so much upset and done some horrible cruel thing during this period. I just feel like there is no going back anymore, that it’s went beyond repairing for me. Because of what my wife has done I have literally lost everything I have ever loved in my life. Again I know you don’t know me personally trust me when I say it that I have lost everything I have ever loved. Well I look forward to people’s input and sorry for the long post.
  13. I do make a point of texting my daughter every few days. It’s the only contact I have with her at the moment.
  14. I have made the attempt a number of times but the way things stand the now my daughter doesn’t want to see me. She said things need to calm down first.
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