Please help. Can we be together? When do I give up?

[uzbyz9]

Thank you for sharing that bluecastle. I think you're absolutely right that not one story is any sweeter than the other. I need to try and shift myself more towards that mindset, and away from the one I'm at now, where seeing that "reward of reconciling" as the only sweet ending. I do like the approach, because I think it validates the fact that a lot of people in a one-sided break up will have that urge to reconcile, especially when it's new, but the steps one takes to promote getting there can work on the self and the letting go of that urge, which as most people have said, is the most important thing.

 

I very much like what you've said here...

 

trusting you're the only navigator you need.

 

There was a time when I did feel like that, after sorting myself out and pulling myself out of the ground, I guess the breakup has pushed that sentiment and the importance I did place on it to the background. As you've said about the feeling in your bones, it's there for me too. Others here have pointed out I'm unwilling to truly move on, and in many ways that's true, as you said in terms of the head, the heart and so on. But still, there is that desire somewhere, conflicted by the others.

 

I think it's time I start throwing myself into putting the work in for myself, and accept whatever outcome that comes from that as positive. It certainly would be a great deal better than how I have felt, and am feeling now. Time to navigate my own path and whatever bumps in the road come up along the way. Thanks again for sharing, I appreciate all the insight you've given.

[bluecastle]

Probably I shared that because, the more you write, the stuff in your bone marrow is coming out. But also? It's been five minutes in Breakup Time, so cut yourself a minute of slack. Flailing is part of it.

 

Weird realization I had not all that long ago? That the times in my life that have been most profound—which is to say the times I look back on fondly—are both falling in love and being shattered by love. Sharp edges, bright colors, growth happening. Ripe stuff, sweet stuff.

 

But with that came a sour thought: that inside the relationships things were a bit static, brightest in the before and after, but not the during. That (a lesson probably learned in heartache) helped shift things for me a bit, helped me see the kind of relationship I wanted to be in—not falling into or out of, but in. If you're doing all the growth alongside the potential of someone, or alongside the void where there was once a person—well, something is off.

 

Means, more often than not, that that wasn't the right person.