How often do you see your ex's?

[marolua]

I think that I am contacting to my ex's too much, but I am not sure actually. I mean is it wrong to see your ex's if they call you and have some time together, no sexual intercourse but some time together, talking about how your life is going and things like that. Am i doing something wrong?

 

I am not talking about people who you still love, than it is better to have no contact. but if you are sure that you wont fall into love with one of your ex's anymore? what s wrong in meeting them time to time?

Guys, why do you call your ex's? Does it always have to because that you seek something from them?

 

Am I being naive by thinking that I am different from other people since I can be friends with my ex's after breakups and some time?

Does spending time with my ex's and and the condition of knowing that I can phone one of them if I need someone to talk to, lessens my chances of finding someone else?

 

I am really concerned, I mean how can I know for sure? many people are not friends with their ex's, but I have 4 ex's that I see on a regular basis. We see each other usually when we feel alone, thats right! But...

Could you reflect upon this a bit?

[annie24]

For me, strict NC works best. But, I was just talking to my friend this weekend, and he keeps in contact with all his exes, except for one who refuses to talk to him. I mean, if you are over them, and you just want to be friendly, sure, I don't see anything wrong with that. I think talking to them, hoping that they may change their mind about the breakup isn't healthy though.

 

If what you're doing is working for you, then I say, keep doing it.

 

Just a question, but why are you worried about this? Did something trigger this?

[shes2smart]

How often do I see my exes? With one exception, never.

 

The one exception was my college bf (Dave), who I still talk to every few months. We dated for 2 yrs. in college & lived together for 5 yrs....broke up, oh...nearly 15 years agon now. We don't live in the same town anymore, so I don't see him. When we did live in the same town, I saw him maybe every couple months. All new bf's had to meet Dave at some point if they wanted to stick around. He's great at reading people and I value his opinion. When we first broke up I didn't speak to him for over 6 months. Then something screwy happened with my parents, and Dave was the only one who understood how messed up my family is, and that's when I started talking to him again.

 

The rest of my exes I don't bother with. Every last single one of them has tried to contact me at some point after the relationship was over, and when they do, they are reminded that I was serious when I said I didn't want any more to do with them. I don't have feelings either way (love/hate, like/dislike) for any of them. I wish all of them well and hope they are happy. However, as far as I'm concerned, they are part of my past and and the past should stay behind me.

[Hope75]

I think if you are able to be friends with your exes and know for sure that you aren't seeking something more from them at least on a subconscious level than it's fine. Since you are friends with 4 of them I doubt you want something from all of them!

 

It takes alot to be friends with an ex after a breakup, you need to resolve and forgive the reasons for breaking up, let go of any residual feelings you have for each other, not be hurt on unable to handle it when one or both of you moves on, it's a fine line and not many people can walk it.

 

I'm friends with only two exes, one I just casually dated and we occasionally email, another I was friends with for years before we dated and it fizzled quickly when we realized we were better friends. The 2 men I truly loved in my relationships with I am not friends with, it was just too much to handle for me.

 

If you do not question your motives for staying friends with these guys and you are comfortable with it, I say there's no problem with it.

 

It sounds though like you are not, do you think maybe you want something more from at least 1 of them? Do YOU think it is preventing you from moving on? I'd say since you prob weren't dating all 4 at once you at least moved on from 3 of them and dated others...

 

What do you think?

[I_love_rain_hugs_and_you]

I don't have any exs, but if I did have one, I would do everything I could to avoid her....LOL

[alpal]

There are few rare occasions where it might work..

but generally I reckon it's best left alone.

I have one ex boyfriend with whom I'm still friends but he lives 12,000 miles away and we email maybe twice a year birthday's and xmas.

 

The friendship usually gets unbalanced when either of you have a new partner.

Honestly I think they are ex for a reason..

[Rainz]

I don't keep in contact with any of my exes. I've been through that whol rollercoster backwards and forwards ex thing and naahhh....it's not for me. Clean break is what I do, even though they do tend to come back and you have to really be firm at times. I'd say clean break always with the exes.