Newly Broken up

[boltnrun]

My own therapist agrees.

 

Your therapist is also working with your ex? And sharing the details of those sessions with you? That's so unprofessional!

[bluecastle]

Everyone's ex is "a narcissist" when the ending is bitter with hard feelings. It's a twist on sour grapes. It doesn't matter what she is or isn't. What matters is you and moving forward.

 

This.

 

I understand, at least in theory, the urge to diagnose her and spend hours trying to get your own therapist to sign off on some story that you were traumatized by an emotional huckster. But honestly? That's early grieving stuff, so maybe don't rush to deem yourself healed, the riddle solved, and so on. Because if your end conclusion is simply that you got played by an awful human—well, that's just letting angst and bitterness be your guide.

 

Sometimes things just...stop working. Sometimes two people who seem very compatible turn out to not be so compatible. People are ready, or seem ready, and then they're not. People leave us, or go cold on us, when we still want them around, remain warm and hungry. It really sucks. It is also very much life.

 

Being angry about it is understandable, but there's real reward in forcing yourself to move through that anger rather than hold onto it. The latter keeps you open to new connection, the former makes you cautious, bitter, skeptical—emotions you're likely to carry over into new people.

 

It's your choice, now, which road you take. If you want to self-identify as the victim of some sorceress—well, go for it. But the bitter man at the end of the bar—or in flight school—is a tragic man. The humble man accepting that life doesn't always deliver as he wants—that's the guy who, more often than not, gets closer to tasting the magic that's out there.