Afraid of settling down?

[confusedwhyy]

Hey, I think I should start by saying that I´m going to be 18 this year and that I am a senior in high school.

I´ve been together with my boyfriend (18yo) for more than a year now, we celebrated our 1 and a half anniversary this month. We have had our ups and downs like every relationship and overall a happy one I would say. We´ve planned our future together like every couple that is in love does.

However I´ve been having certain thoughts and questions about our relationship for a bit now and I feel so bad about it because I love him very much, he is my best friend and I am truly scared to lose him. But I can´t help but to wander and think about if I am or going to miss something, if I am becoming too attached and if it is holding me back to do something or if I am too young to be in a such serious relationship. It´s like I am afraid to lose certain experiences that I am only going to have if single. When talking about and imagining these possibilities I feel kind of excited about these different experiences but at the same time I really don´t want to lose him because I love him and I think that if we did broke up I would regret right away, or should I just give time and maybe won´t regret it at all? breaking up seems so drastic and scary.

I am so confused right now, I wish someone could read my mind and just tell me what to do.

 

Should I tell him this even if I don´t know the answer to my thoughts ( if this made sense) or should I wait till I am more certain of what I feel about this? I really don´t want to hurt him, I feel like I am betraying him right now.

 

 

If someone could help me or just give a opinion on this I would be very thankful :)

[Gary Snyder]

Yours is a common question, especially for young people. And many women under 27 are not ready for love yet, and to commit to one man - they yearn to find out what else is out there.

 

The truth is, if you have a good relationship and you both are in love, the grass is usually NOT greener on the other side. Tell me more about your relationship, tell the full story. Maybe it's a really good one!

[Wolfshook]

Well, I went through similair thing in my past relationship. We were together from 17 to 20 years old and I tought about this countless of times. I got my chance at being single after she broke up with me and I learned that I wasnt really missing out on anything. But, on the other hand, being single helped define myself through myself, without the safety pole that I was clinging on before(which was my relationship and my ex). It's hard to give you any sensible advice here. From my perspective now, it's easy to say that you are not missing out on anything, but what if you are? If somebody asked me this when I was 19,my answer would probably be a bit different.

 

You both are young, even if you two break up, you will be ok. It will sting a bit, but you will both survive this. This is is one of those things that you probably have to experience to learn from them and it's hard to give you any advice.

 

Whatever you choose, good luck to you and happy growing up.

 

Oh and by the way (I learned this from my friends that started dating when my ex and I did, but are still in relationship), being with somebody doesnt mean you have to "settle down".

[reinventmyself]

Young people mature exponentially in their late teens and early twenties. Who you are today may be entirely different 5 years from now.

 

Though some young people get married and stay so successfully, they are low in numbers.

 

Seeing divorce rates are really high, what do you think the chances are that you two will one of the rare successful ones, especially light of the feelings you are having?

 

You are having these feelings for a good reason and you should honor them. It doesn't necessarily mean you need to end this relationship, but certainly table any discussion of forever~after until you've been together for a couple more years, weathered some changes and had some life experiences.

 

It's important that you grow as an individual and not as a couple at this time.

 

I used to playfully tell my sons that they couldn't get married until they were 30. It worked for one, the younger one got married at 28.

[confusedwhyy]

never thought of it like that, thanks for replying :))

[confusedwhyy]

Yours is a common question, especially for young people. And many women under 27 are not ready for love yet, and to commit to one man - they yearn to find out what else is out there.

 

The truth is, if you have a good relationship and you both are in love, the grass is usually NOT greener on the other side. Tell me more about your relationship, tell the full story. Maybe it's a really good one!

 

 

never thought of it like that, thanks for replying :))

[confusedwhyy]

Well, I went through similair thing in my past relationship. We were together from 17 to 20 years old and I tought about this countless of times. I got my chance at being single after she broke up with me and I learned that I wasnt really missing out on anything. But, on the other hand, being single helped define myself through myself, without the safety pole that I was clinging on before(which was my relationship and my ex). It's hard to give you any sensible advice here. From my perspective now, it's easy to say that you are not missing out on anything, but what if you are? If somebody asked me this when I was 19,my answer would probably be a bit different.

 

You both are young, even if you two break up, you will be ok. It will sting a bit, but you will both survive this. This is is one of those things that you probably have to experience to learn from them and it's hard to give you any advice.

 

Whatever you choose, good luck to you and happy growing up.

 

Oh and by the way (I learned this from my friends that started dating when my ex and I did, but are still in relationship), being with somebody doesnt mean you have to "settle down".

 

 

 

Thank you, I think it´s very easy to get lost imagining this type of stuff . Did you ever considered talking about this with her?

[confusedwhyy]

Young people mature exponentially in their late teens and early twenties. Who you are today may be entirely different 5 years from now.

 

Though some young people get married and stay so successfully, they are low in numbers.

 

Seeing divorce rates are really high, what do you think the chances are that you two will one of the rare successful ones, especially light of the feelings you are having?

 

You are having these feelings for a good reason and you should honor them. It doesn't necessarily mean you need to end this relationship, but certainly table any discussion of forever~after until you've been together for a couple more years, weathered some changes and had some life experiences.

 

It's important that you grow as an individual and not as a couple at this time.

 

I used to playfully tell my sons that they couldn't get married until they were 30. It worked for one, the younger one got married at 28.

 

 

thanks for replying! happy that it worked for your sons :)

[kamurj]

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