Women with children; Head over Heart?

[Guest]

She didn't give herself a good long time solo to heal from her divorce, and so she will subconsciously continue the pattern of choosing a man exactly like her ex-husband. She tried dating someone outside of that pattern, you, but since she hadn't done the work she needed to do on herself, something felt off. That's her emotional baggage to deal with, and so leave her to it.

 

Her beauty is clouding your judgement. There are other attractive women in your vicinity who will want you exactly as you are. It will take a lot of work on your part to find her, so you need to get going by researching which meetups for singles activities in your age group are going on in your town. Try Meetup.com. You'll meet lots of women if you take dance lessons. I know their are numerous classes that meet in my area, like tango, salsa, swing, ballroom, etc. Getting out of the house for cooking classes, painting classes, volunteering at a local zoo or museum, will all be good things to do to take your mind off of a dead relationship and inject new adventure into your life. 2019 is around the corner, so now's a good time to begin the new year doing what's best for yourself. Take care.

 

One thing I did find odd was that the resort she had gone on holiday to on this Caribbean holiday is the same resort she used to go year after year with her ex-husband and I even think they went there on their honeymoon.

 

I sometimes feel a bit hurt walking past a restaurant or something that we might have frequented due to the triggering of memories so did think that was quite odd. I'm assuming she wouldn't even consider how confusing it must be for her children to go back to a holiday resort that they used go to with their parents only to see their dad replaced with a new guy?

[DancingFool]

One thing I did find odd was that the resort she had gone on holiday to on this Caribbean holiday is the same resort she used to go year after year with her ex-husband and I even think they went there on their honeymoon.

 

I sometimes feel a bit hurt walking past a restaurant or something that we might have frequented due to the triggering of memories so did think that was quite odd. I'm assuming she wouldn't even consider how confusing it must be for her children to go back to a holiday resort that they used go to with their parents only to see their dad replaced with a new guy?

 

Honestly.....sounds to me like she loved and still loves her ex husband and is craving the magic and the life that she had with him, but with the emotional connection that got lost along the way. I think it's unfair to call this woman a heartless gold digger who is only after money and equally wrong for you, OP, to focus on this idea that she dropped you purely because the other guy has more money. The reason I say that is that gold diggers don't divorce their golden goose and the golden goose not being around much is a bonus if you aren't actually in love and emotionally attached. You can't have it both ways - claim that the person is only about money while they divorce their spouse for lack of them being there for her emotionally. Clearly, money wasn't a factor in her decision to divorce.

 

The real issues here are that you pretty much caught her on the rebound from her marriage fall out and starved for love, attention, etc. The operative term here is that she love bombed you and that's a red flag the size of China. When someone is doing that, it's a clue for you that they are in some kind of emotional turmoil and instead of lapping up the bs, you should be running for the hills.

 

OP, instead of focusing on why she left you, which sounds like she left for a version of her ex husband, which means she is still very much in love with him deep down.... You should focus on yourself and why you were so vulnerable to being love bombed, still are, still haven't seen it for the problem that it is. Forget her and start looking within and what's going on with you and your life, what's missing, what you need to do differently so you do recognize red flags next time they are slapping you in the face.

[MissCanuck]

One thing I did find odd was that the resort she had gone on holiday to on this Caribbean holiday is the same resort she used to go year after year with her ex-husband and I even think they went there on their honeymoon.

 

Eh, it could just be a place she knows and loves. She might even get certain perks if she's been a loyal guest over the years.

 

You're focusing too much on what she has or doesn't have in her new relationship, with little to actually base your assessment on. You don't know this man; you thus also don't know if he's unable to provide her with the emotional connection she's looking for. You are making a lot of assumptions about him and their relationship, which is rather unfair.

 

This is why you need to never check her social media again.

[Guest]

One thing I remember she said to me when ending it and saying 'she needed to fancy someone more' was that referring to me she said 'its not enough'. This despite even in the weeks before ending it telling me that she had never felt cared for in the way I cared for her, that I was her rock, how she loved how genuine I was, that she had never got on so well and laughed with someone like she did with me, that I was the best cuddler she had ever experienced and other things. I know that these were just words but again I do think they were spoken genuinely from the heart.

 

I now wonder if the 'it's not enough' part was due to the fact she needed someone who did have the money behind him.