We broke up following a fight. What does the future hold for us?

[Mike1973]

Hi

 

I have taken on board everything you said. I really appreciate it. She is calling me later. I’ll stay calm and not oversell things. As always with her I’ll be honest and open.

[abitbroken]

i have apologised and apologised. All sincere. I have bought a new teepee for her grandson and will pay for anything else I might have damaged.

She is calling me later to discuss everything.

 

apologizing and apologizing is begging.

You apologize once and sincerely and then be quiet - it would be in her court.

And send the teepee by mail or leave it on her porch. Do not use it as an obligation for her to see you. Tell her that its arriving from whatever website by x date or drop a box off while she is at work and tell her that you have done it. Then, if she actually wants to see you, she will reach out

[abitbroken]

Her ex wasn’t an alcoholic as far as I am aware. He just wasn’t a nice person. Didn’t spend any time with her grandson. Never wanted to know her children. I get along with them all really well.

If people think I might have a drink problem I will do something about it.

 

Why i asked is beause if he was - then it may be a pattern in the men she is attracted to. If you spend time with the grandson -- it does not make you better if you are an embarrassment. so her ex husband is not the father of her children? OR are you talking of a boyfriend in between>

[Mike1973]

It was a boyfriend. This is the first time I have ever been drunk with her.

[DancingFool]

Going to go a bit against the grain here and decline to judge you or tell you that you need to go to AA.

 

Look, either she is going to forgive you or this was it for her. There is really not much more you can do about it beyond what you have already done - apologized, replaced what you broke, etc. IF she opts to forgive you because quite frankly she has seen more of you and your character/behavior than we have here on these boards, then understand that this is your big one. You don't have any more waivers left so to speak with her so be sure that you never drink again. At the same time, be prepared for the idea that she is done with you and is only interested in exchanging whatever you both have and moving on. The important thing here is that you are mentally ready for either option and be ready to accept what she decided graciously either way.

 

Nobody here can read her mind, so ultimately you will have to wait to meet with her and hear what she has actually decided and whatever that is, accept it.

[abitbroken]

It was a boyfriend. This is the first time I have ever been drunk with her.

 

I asked was her ex husband an alcoholic, not a boyfriend.

 

If its the "first time" with her --- what about times you have been drunk when she has not been there. How did that go? (before you met her). If you are of an age to be dating a woman with grandkids (granted, she can be a "young" grandma 45-50 with her kid having a kid young), that means you are old enough to have some self awareness and not pretend to be like a 21 year old who has no idea what alcohol does

[Mike1973]

I have never been the way I was when I was drunk last week. I don’t recognise the person I became. It’s mortified me to think I can be like that.

[thisisrichey]

Dude... you need to stop dwelling on the past (isn't that what you're asking HEr to do.. not dwell on the past?) Yet here you are dwelling on the past.

LET IT GO.

 

The past is gone. Stop spending energy on the past, and the problem - and start putting all your energy into THE SOLUTION and today and the future!

 

I can guarantee you if YOU can't get off dwelling about this - it'll push her away for sure.

[Mike1973]

Update.

 

Just been on the phone for an hour with her. She accepted that it wasn’t my normal behaviour and that my apology was sincere. She was very close to calling it quits on us. It was the fact that her grandson was there that was the hardest thing for her to accept. He kept asking where I was on Saturday. That kind of thawed her out a little but she wanted me to realise how close we had come to the end.

 

We decided to take her grandson on holiday with us next year.

 

I know what I have to do to make it work.

 

Thanks for all the advice.

[abitbroken]

Update.

 

Just been on the phone for an hour with her. She accepted that it wasn’t my normal behaviour and that my apology was sincere. She was very close to calling it quits on us. It was the fact that her grandson was there that was the hardest thing for her to accept. He kept asking where I was on Saturday. That kind of thawed her out a little but she wanted me to realise how close we had come to the end.

 

We decided to take her grandson on holiday with us next year.

 

I know what I have to do to make it work.

 

Thanks for all the advice.

 

Do not plan for the next holidays, yet. Take one day at a time. If you mean "holiday" as in a vacation - i don't advise you doing that and acting like the kid's grandpa unless you have dated for a long time and are getting married. Don't use the grandkid to keep in her favor. Still seek help for alcohol