No Contact - should I say happy birthday?

[ineedahug]

Wow aren’t you certainly wise (nope).

To your point of “you weren’t invited”

So now a days in my college you don’t RSVP to frat parties

And for the record I was invited by other members :) in fact a few of them asked where I was. I didn’t go because why go to a party my ex is at? And I also went to another party that day so I wasn’t home alone as he was chatting to other girls who were “invited”

Also I’m not sure if you’ve read my other posts but I have mentioned previously that I rebounded a little bit but was devastated. So why date when I’m still not over my ex? If I can’t even be physically intimate with someone yet? I need more time. Also I attend a relatively small college in a small town. The “loads” of guys on dating apps aren’t there and own personal opinion I’m not a tinder girl. So thanks for the feedback sir have a nice day :) maybe try to make someone smile today.

[MissCanuck]

He wasn't the perfect boyfriend yes, he did have his flaws but he still had so many amazing qualities. I guess why I want to reconcile is because there was no super outstanding reason for us to end. Such as abuse, or cheating, or anything. I don't want to give up on love so easily if there was no reason to besides some fights :( yes he does have to mature but at the same time everyone else around our age (we are both 20) needs time to grow up and into a serious relationship.

 

Yes, exactly. That's why relationships around this age tend to be shorter-lived and run their course.

[ineedahug]

Yes, exactly. That's why relationships around this age tend to be shorter-lived and run their course.

I understand this sentiment as when I first started college I had the "I want to be single and go have fun" mentality that a lot of people come in with. However you notice this shift as a few years go by. Also I don't like to generalize so it's not fair to say young love isn't as strong as say "older love". Sure yes we are both young and have a lot things to experience but I know plenty of couples who have started dating in college and made it down the aisle. Heck I even know a few high school couples who tied the knot. I don't want to discourage people from believing in love at a young age at the fear that it won't work out.

[MissCanuck]

I understand this sentiment as when I first started college I had the "I want to be single and go have fun" mentality that a lot of people come in with. However you notice this shift as a few years go by. Also I don't like to generalize so it's not fair to say young love isn't as strong as say "older love". Sure yes we are both young and have a lot things to experience but I know plenty of couples who have started dating in college and made it down the aisle. Heck I even know a few high school couples who tied the knot. I don't want to discourage people from believing in love at a young age at the fear that it won't work out.

 

I didn't say that. What I said is that it's normal for relationships around your age to not last, and my experience speaks to that. I watched more friends than not eventually move on from their young loves. Some make it, yes. I know a handful who have. But most, such as in your boyfriend's case, are just not ready for that yet. It doesn't make anyone's love more or less strong. It's got a lot more to do with where they're personally at in life. Love is not always enough to hold two people together when life is taking them in other directions, particularly in the late teens are early 20s.

 

I myself had a couple very significant relationships in my 20's, with guys I loved and cared for a lot. The love was genuine. However, I also can see now, nearly 20 years after I first started university, that young folks generally need a lot more time and room to grow before they find their life mates. Who I was at 20 is very different even from who I was at 25 or even 30. This period of your life is extraordinarily transitional, and part of that is reflected in dating and relationships.

 

In any event, when someone doesn't want the relationship - no matter how old - it's better to let them go and begin healing. This is why I have said in this thread that you are best to accept that this is over now.

[ineedahug]

I'm sorry for misunderstanding your words. I guess my thing was I didn't anticipate how much this relationship would progress with my ex. When we started dating I wasn't experienced with much. I was always an old-fashioned traditional so many people joked I was a 30 year old stuck in a 20 year old body. What I'm trying to say is I didn't date just to date. And I know it sounds wild coming from a 20 year old who has yet to graduate, but I never saw the point of dating someone unless it led to something bigger which in this case was marriage, because then I would rather just stay single. So I made this very clear to my ex before we even dated. I always told him i would never be with someone unless it's courtship and he expressed the same desires. This was rare for a guy his age esp at my school. He was the one who would bring up marriage more than me and he'd literally talk about what our children would look like. I know we jumped WAY too ahead but it didn't seem that way especially since we did have plans post graduation about our careers (we are the same major), where we'd live and just our future together. I know love isn't always enough because at the end of the day, yes love won't pay the bills. But I guess what this little essay means is it's hard to let go of someone i actually saw moving on in life with. I've easily moved on from previous guys in my past. Some in just a few months because they didn't mean that much they were just guys, and if I wanted a guy just to sleep/fool around with my options are open but I don't want that. I want my ex and our future.

[ineedahug]

Also I'd like to add I know this thread went to a different subject (Which I'm happy about) but I would like to say that I did not wish my ex a happy birthday. It was quite harder than I thought, especially looking back a year ago to how perfect things were on his birthday and now how messed up it is. However as the day progressed it was around 5 in the evening and I felt a lot better and my roommate went home for the weekend so I had the apartment to myself. I was able to bake some cookies and study for my finals and for a period of time I even forgot it was his birthday. So I know it doesn't mean much but i am proud I was able to keep NC for that day.

[Jellybean9]

Also I'd like to add I know this thread went to a different subject (Which I'm happy about) but I would like to say that I did not wish my ex a happy birthday. It was quite harder than I thought, especially looking back a year ago to how perfect things were on his birthday and now how messed up it is. However as the day progressed it was around 5 in the evening and I felt a lot better and my roommate went home for the weekend so I had the apartment to myself. I was able to bake some cookies and study for my finals and for a period of time I even forgot it was his birthday. So I know it doesn't mean much but i am proud I was able to keep NC for that day.

 

Honestly that is a massive step and you should be very proud of yourself.

 

You will get there slowly but surely.

 

Best of luck!