I'm in a weird situation with someone I am interested in

[BrokenGator]

Then I'd suggest that you maybe try to see where you are at with her after the holidays. I don't mean going completely silent, just be friendly as you were in the past. That's all. After the holiday craziness is over and you are both back and recovered, you can ask again. If it's still a no, then you cut loose from her. This way you won't have to look back and wonder what if and you won't get strung along forever either. A kind of balanced win/win.

 

Yes, I like this plan. I don't remember if I mentioned this here in this thread but when we had the talk two weeks ago, she asked for time to focus on herself. I asked her how long she thinks she needs and she told me "not long" and I just left it at that.

 

Do you think in the meantime I should be flirting with her? Complementing her?

[Wiseman2]

Try not to push her away with that type of thing. When someone tells you they don't want to date and need space this is the last thing you should be doing. She already knows you are interested so don't blow it by becoming overbearing flirting, complimenting, etc..

she asked for time to focus on herself.

Do you think in the meantime I should be flirting with her? Complementing her?

[Tinydance]

Well, the way I see it, you don't want to just be this girl's friend, you want to date her. So I don't see why you should be putting yourself in a vulnerable position to get hurt if you continue being her friend. Being her friend may get you absolutely nowhere except she'll just be using you to get attention and admiration while she's getting over her ex. I think the fact that she said she's not really looking to date and she needs time is not a good sign for you. It means that she's either not sure about you specifically, or she's still not over her ex, or both. If she wanted to date you then I don't see why she would need time. I agree with the posters that said that she may just want to have you as someone to lean on while she gets over her break-up. I don't understand why there was a comment that you should be told to "f off". I mean, what are you supposed to do, sit around waiting for her while she dates other guys? I think it's great you were assertive and you stood up for yourself.

 

I think you shouldn't be her friend personally. I think you should go No Contact for a few weeks. If she wants to date you, she can come to you herself. You can wait a few weeks and if she doesn't want to date, then just start seeing other women. But I think don't just be her friend because then you will make yourself too available for her and too easy to be used as a rebound.

[BrokenGator]

She called me on her way home from work yesterday and we talked until she got home. We didn't talk about the relationship, just regular, funny conversation. I think I need to start making myself less available. I also should start hanging out with my friends more and also making new friends.

[Wiseman2]

This is an excellent idea. She knows how you feel, she knows how to contact you. This way you can relax and carry on and if changes her mind and wants to date, you'll know.

I think I need to start making myself less available. I also should start hanging out with my friends more and also making new friends.

[BrokenGator]

This is an excellent idea. She knows how you feel, she knows how to contact you. This way you can relax and carry on and if changes her mind and wants to date, you'll know.

Yes! And maybe if she senses that I'm not around as much anymore, maybe it will help make up her mind quicker.

[BrokenGator]

I wanted to close loop on this. This entire time she was using this "time for herself", she was apparently talking and hanging out with her exbf. And during this time she continued leading me on giving me hope of a relationship. I called her out on seeing her ex and she completely ghosted me. I don't understand why people act this way and be deceptive.