Note to ex

[Cycosis]

I gotta write this here cause if I just write it down on paper it's gonna be too tempting to send to her.

 

 

Why did you have to say I love you? You said earlier you didn't want a serious relationship. Yet you said it anyways. I was fine with it being not too serious. Just as long as it was with me and noone else. I would have respected your wishes. I wouldn't have told you. I know I would have said it eventually, just not for a while. So why the f did you have to tell me? You totally screwed up everything by saying it. Why the f couldn't you have done what you wanted? Kept it unserious. Instead now you make me feel so friggin bad. I can barely stand it. I want to cry so bad. I'm not gonna let myself do it thoug. I want to believe that you are worth it. But I don't know if you are. I feel like you betrayed me. Played games with my heart. That to get back at that ******* ex of yours you decide to f around with someone who used to be his friend. Why the f did you tell me those three damning words. I wish to God you knew how I'm feeling right now. I can't friggin eat. I've been drinking most of the day. Last night I had to take two vicadins just to fall asleep. Even with those and a few beers it took me forever. I can't get you the f out of my mind. I sit here wondering if you're even thinking about me at all. I know you probably aren't. I wonder if you truly have any idea how I the f I feel about you. How good I would have treated you if you had trully given me the chance. But no, you didn't. You told me you loved me. Destroyed it all when you said it. I wish you could see inside my heart right now. You told me not to rebuild the wall up around my heart. How the f can you tell me not to. You have one up around yours. You where the one that helped me break down my wall. Then you turn around and help to rebuild it. I don't know if you are lieing about everything and just using him as an excuse. I pray to God that you arent cause I've never done anything to you to deserve that. I've never lied to you about anything. I'm sitting here and you know what I want to do right now. I wan't to make myself hurt. I wan't to watch myself bleed. Just slash my arm watch the blood flow. It would help me to forget the pain in my heart, pain you caused. This pain would be a physical pain. Not this emotional BS. I know how to deal with the physical pain. I've delt with it most of my life. Perhaps one day you will truly know how I feel and what exactly you're putting me through.

[chica_amber]

OUCH!!

[dextro]

gosh what can I say... feel free to pm me at anytime...

 

That's a good thing you wrote your story like that, I used to wrote some too and burned them after heh.

 

take care homie

 

Jeff l. Spiegel

[james_cfh1]

Wow. Ive written some out before just like that. You have got to let it go man. Whenever Im hurting and missing my ex I just think about this. If she truly loved you she would be with you. All you are doing is wasting your time, energy, and love on someone who does not deserve it. Ive ben away from my ex for 2 weeks now and it took me a while to realize that she does not deserve me. She deserves someone just like her ex becasue maybe shes used to being treated badly? Who knows. I still wonder what my ex is up to and I have friends that kinda tell me whats up. But I cant let it consume my being. You gotta stay strong and the longer you are away from her the better you will feel. And quit drinking so much that just makes it worse. Think of you as a singlle person, not of you and her as one person.

Peace.

James

[Cycosis]

I know I gotta stop drinking. Tonight was the first night I went to bed sober in I think 4 days. She called me while I was sleeping. Wish I had checked the caller ID. I told myself I wouldn't talk to her for a while or anything. Still haven't replied to an e-mail she sent me. She happened to ask me if I got it and I said that I didn't check it today. She wanted to know how I'm doing. I didn't lie to her, but I also didn't tell her the truth. I don't really want her to know exactly how I'm feeling. I really dont want her sympathy and her telling me she's sorry for everything. So now it's like 3 am and I'm wide awake.

[Cycosis]

Just a little something I remembered.

 

 

No woman is worth crying over. The only one who is wont make you.

 

Now I just gotta trully realize this.