Rekindling an old friendship...or not

[Starlight925]

She may just be closer to those other women than to you. Maybe she sees a certain group more frequently, but that doesn't/shouldn't exclude your friendship as well.

 

Although I'm kind of puzzled why she has to wait....3-4 months??? for the weather to get warmer, to meet for a cup of coffee. Makes no sense.

 

So yeah, the more I think about it, the more I think it was a kind way to brush you off. I'm sorry.

[Wiseman2]

Move her from the 'friend' folder to the 'acquaintance' folder in your mind and you'll feel a lot better.

[catfeeder]

Move her from the 'friend' folder to the 'acquaintance' folder in your mind and you'll feel a lot better.

 

Yes! This isn't dating. You're not shooting for monogamy.

 

Not everyone will make the leap into great friend territory. When we were kids we adopted various 'best friends' over time because we were blank slates and could homogenize well with others. As we mature, we solidify into our own personalities, and we won't be everyone's cup of tea. That's not bad news, it's a level playing field.

 

As we mature we build different kinds and degrees of friendship to meet different needs. A shopping friend may not share your politics, and a tennis friend may be awful at conversation, and a friend in whom you confide may never want to go to events or crowded places--everyone has certain limits.

 

When we form friendships that respect the limits of others, we don't need to feel squirmy about forgiving any limits within ourselves. We find one or two areas of commonality to bond over, and we learn over time whether those will expand into a more robust friendship, or not.

 

Viewing another's limits as 'rejection' isn't useful outside of dating to find THE right simpatico for monogamy. With friends, we can either accept their shortcomings in favor of whatever benefits they DO offer, or we can decide that they don't really add enough value to our lives.

 

Writing someone off because they don't share the same enthusiastic head-space we're in at a given moment doesn't really buy anything. I can put that person on a back burner and trust that we'll enjoy one another again at some point, or not. But it's hardly a 'rejection'.

 

Head high.

[Eliza50]

An ending to the story:

 

My friend called yesterday, out of a sudden, and asked if I was free to meet. I was free so we did meet and had a cup of coffee and also made plans to meet another friend next Saturday and, also, go to the cinema on another day.

 

I still don't get her but I suppose it's her style to come and go just like that. I now know we'll never be 'best friends' but not strangers, either....and I'm fine with that.

[Starlight925]

An ending to the story:

 

My friend called yesterday, out of a sudden, and asked if I was free to meet. I was free so we did meet and had a cup of coffee and also made plans to meet another friend next Saturday and, also, go to the cinema on another day.

 

I still don't get her but I suppose it's her style to come and go just like that. I now know we'll never be 'best friends' but not strangers, either....and I'm fine with that.

 

Ahhh, thanks for updating!

 

You have a great attitude about this. I love the fact that you weren't sitting there, like, well, you said it was supposed to be warmer, but now all of a sudden you want to meet??? You could have easily done the t*t for tat thing, but you did not.

 

You held your head up high, you met her, and you realized that she's going to be one of many friends in your life.....not the friend.

 

I like what catfeeder said above: you are not shooting for monogamy.

 

She's a nice person, with whom you'll have a coffee once in a while, and that's the folder where she'll remain. That's ok, not everyone is meant to be our soul sister.

[catfeeder]

An ending to the story:

 

My friend called yesterday, out of a sudden, and asked if I was free to meet. I was free so we did meet and had a cup of coffee and also made plans to meet another friend next Saturday and, also, go to the cinema on another day.

 

I still don't get her but I suppose it's her style to come and go just like that. I now know we'll never be 'best friends' but not strangers, either....and I'm fine with that.

 

This is wonderful, and thanks for updating us. Sure, lots of people come and go like that--in cycles or clusters. Not everyone can be consistent in their life balance, I'm certainly not. Sometimes I get absorbed in things that push my friend time to the back burner. I believe that this is more common than not, and that's why it's important to learn how to roll with the ebbs and flows over time.

 

EnjOy!