My sister has cut me out of her life and it’s heartbreaking

[blupigeon]

Hi sesameseeds, I know this thread is a bit old but curious to see how you got on with your sister? Did you manage to resolve things?

I would echo a lot of what has already been said. It sounds like your sister trusted and loved you very much to want to share with you her pain to help her heal, but maybe your responses weren't that well thought-out.

Telling someone who has confided in you that you don't want to 'rehash the past' invalidates their pain and can retraumatise them to once again feel unheard, unwanted and helpless. And doing your older sister's dirty work on her behalf as someone suggested has most likely driven your other sister even further away from you - she probably felt like you are now also to be put in the box of 'people to stay away from' if you are sending messages to the younger sister from her abuser - your older sister sounds like she is quite emotionally manipulative and becomes hysterical to play victim and then wants you and everyone else to look at her victim as the 'nasty one'. Also, your mum simply saying 'it happens to lots of children' is just awful - did she not support the younger sister at all?

 

Sorry I'm late here but stumbled on this and just wanted to add something, as my friend went through something very similar.

[boltnrun]

Hi sesameseeds, I know this thread is a bit old but curious to see how you got on with your sister? Did you manage to resolve things?

I would echo a lot of what has already been said. It sounds like your sister trusted and loved you very much to want to share with you her pain to help her heal, but maybe your responses weren't that well thought-out.

Telling someone who has confided in you that you don't want to 'rehash the past' invalidates their pain and can retraumatise them to once again feel unheard, unwanted and helpless. And doing your older sister's dirty work on her behalf as someone suggested has most likely driven your other sister even further away from you - she probably felt like you are now also to be put in the box of 'people to stay away from' if you are sending messages to the younger sister from her abuser - your older sister sounds like she is quite emotionally manipulative and becomes hysterical to play victim and then wants you and everyone else to look at her victim as the 'nasty one'. Also, your mum simply saying 'it happens to lots of children' is just awful - did she not support the younger sister at all?

 

Sorry I'm late here but stumbled on this and just wanted to add something, as my friend went through something very similar.

 

This poster has not been active since November 2018.