My boyfriend doesent know if he wants to stay with me

[Lmasa]

I have been with my boyfriend for 10 months now, and about a month ago we got into a distance relationship (4 hours away from eachother).

We are always discussing, because I always misrepresenting his words and the things he does.. It has been like this almost all the time we have been together, and so Yesterday we talked in the phone and got into a fight. He said he doesent know if he wants this so he needs 1 day to think about this, and tonight he will call me..

I am so scared, I dont want to lose him. I said to him we should fight for this, because we have plans moving together. I said I really want to change, but he says that I have always said that. But now I really mean it! I want to prove him that I want to change and want things to get better, but it feels like he doesent trust that.. He also said that he dosen't want to lose me and he loves me.

But I have a feeling that he will break up today. He doesent even want me to come at his in the weekend so we could talk face to face

I didn't knew he would do it like this, and I just dont know what to say..

[Wiseman2]

Who moved away and why? School? Work? What does he want you to change? Was this move planned when you started dating.

 

10 mos is not a long time and LDRs are very difficult. At this point you should be observing what is going on and what is going on is he's not in this for the long haul and never was.

 

Do yourself a favor and set yourself free. He wants you "to change"? That's a red flag. He's either very controlling or just making excuses to make you jump through hoops and set the table for a breakup. Dump him. He's always had one foot out the door.

10 months He said he doesent know if he wants this we have plans moving together. I said I really want to change. I want to prove him that I want to change. He doesent even want me to come at his in the weekend so we could talk face to face

[yatsue]

Truth be told, I wouldn't believe you either. You only say in words you will change, even stated you didn't mean it before. You are actually not taking any steps to do so. You need to perform actions in order to change, not just talk about it. Unfortunately, I cannot comment about any specifics because you have provided no context to what you misinterpreted or fought about. It does seem like you have accepted this is your problem. Like I said, I cannot comment further unless you divulge specific information.

 

If you are serious, then enlist help. Go see a counselor/therapist/group talk, enlist any other outside help, use resources (library, self help programs, etc) to aid in improving yourself. Excuses like money and/or time are just that - excuses. You can find at least some services are free. Do it for you, even if your boyfriend breaks up with you. Even if he is the root cause. He may or may not initiate a break up, but learning from your mistakes only benefits you in the long run, whether this is your or his own problem.

[j.man]

Without more detail as to what exactly you've misrepresented and how, I'm not sure if him hoping you'd change is inherently controlling. It's fine to want tortious behavior to end.

 

To piggyback off yatsue, depending on the severity and duration of the behavior, it unfortunately does get to a point where words are meaningless, and often enough even discouraging, a prelude to another broken word. If this is a behavior that's universally harmful or unhealthy, you'd be best served working on it whether or not he ends up wanting to continue the relationship. However, where I will agree with Wiseman is the combination of LDR and the short lifespan of your relationship likely speaking to an inherently short shelf-life.

[abitbroken]

You should not be with someone who has any doubts that they want to be with you.

 

It might be the best thing to happen because the two of you do not communicate well at all/are not on the same wavelength.

You should be in a relationship where you can understand what eachother says on the very basic level instead of constantly misinterpreting

[catfeeder]

My boyfriend doesent know if he wants to stay with me

 

If a partner were to say this to me, I'd tell him that I adore him and can picture the two of us together in the future, and that's why I'm walking away to preserve that potential. He can take whatever time he needs to discover whether he wants a committed relationship with me. If he decides that he does, then he can let me know, and if I'm still available then, we can meet to catch up. Otherwise, I wish him the best.

 

Attempting to hold on to someone isn't the way to keep him.