Messed up with a crush

[purplepaisley]

I'm really lost on the turn of events over time. At one point he directly spoke to you and asked "how are you," and you were so flustered you couldn't so much as respond with basic social rapport, "I'm doing great, how are you?" or "I'll be perfect after I get some coffee, how are you? Ready for the day?" Instead you said absolutely nothing. Later, you were so bold as to not only interrupt a conversation and ask for a moment, but accused him of lying...not asking him out, not asking him about a topic that relates to your job as a means of opening up some more frequent communication, but an accusation of not only lying to you, but accusing his team (and him) of gossiping about you.

 

That whole situation imploded.

 

My thoughts on some of his behaviors on running hot/cold, seemingly interested and then not paying attention to you: You describe his constant looking at you, even in meetings and other people have noticed, possibly even commented, so do you think someone could have had some words to him about being inappropriate, whether a supervisor or a coworker? Ogling women (or men) in the workplace is not professional, unwelcome, and a lawsuit waiting to happen. If he was that obvious with staring at you often throughout the day, his manager or HR could have had a little chat with him about appropriate workplace behavior. No one knows, I'm assuming, that you were quite smitten with his attention given that you describe yourself as someone who has been rather flustered to the point you can't even speak a common pleasantry like "I'm doing well, how are you?"

 

How to fix this? Give up the ghost. Go about your day. Be pleasant and professional and say hello and take him off your list of potential boyfriends. Eventually the awkwardness will wear off. You work too closely together that a breakup could be very difficult with having to see each other and work together every day, so it's probably a relationship best avoided anyway. I agree, you need the situation to just calmly go back to normal. No accusations, no explanations, just let it rest. Don't poke at it anymore and make the situation worse. If you let go of the idea that he's potential boyfriend material, it might allow you the ability to relax and simply have a conversation with him...you state you don't behave shy and can hold a conversation with men you aren't crushing on, so work on him just being a guy you work with. Hopefully, eventually, things will go back to normal. Whether or not you date the guy is a whole other issue, but I think you need to focus on work while at work.

[Qwerty55]

Sorry to butt in but reading this thread made me realize it's hard to have at least a crush on a workplace cause things like this could get out of hand. I haven't gotten a stable job yet but maybe this thread also made me realize that I should always separate my emotions/personal matters/relationships and professionalism when it comes to workplaces.