Ex's Do eventually come back--Read on

[kaligrl22]

Hello Everyone,

 

I have asked for advice several times in the last 3 months. All about my ex boyfriend and how to get him back. We went through a really bad break up after 3 years. To sum it up, I broke it off and he started seeing someone a week later. I went crazy and harrased him for a month straight. He told me he hated me yet he would still come around when he wanted sex. I finally got fed up and broke into his cell phone account online and got the new girls number. I called her and told her everything that happened. Of course since i was the pyscho ex girlfriend she didnt buy it. I cut off all contact with him. It was hard but every day that passed got easier. Well a month passes where I hadn't seen him or talked to him. I met someone really nice and i was really moving on.

 

Then it happened, two weeks ago I get a phone call at 4 am from none other than my ex bf. At first he starts the converstation off casually. Like how ya doing blah blah blah. Before you know it he is crying on the phone telling me that he loves me and that the past two months were just as hard for him. That he missed me everyday. You know basically the things i've been dieing to hear since we broke up. So he ends up coming over and crying some more. We end up spending the whole weekend together and its great. Then I ask the most important question. Are you still seeing her? And his answer is yes.

 

He trys to explain to me that he just wants to be friends so we can build our trust for eachother. The last two weeks he's come over almost everyday. My problem is how can i learn to trust him when he is sleeping with me and her but she doesn't know about it. I mean hello he cheated on me when we were together. And it's obvious he hasn't changed his ways. I do love him very much and I agree that we need to start off slow and build a strong relationship. But how can we do this when we are seeing other people??? Should I give him an ultimatium?? I cannot share him with anyone and I don't think I should have too. Yes I did make his life a living hell for awhile, but I don't deserve to be put on the back burner. Please let me know if you have any experience with this .. Thanks

[dise57]

you need to go away on a vacation with him, no cell phones, no emails, just u and him, make him forget about her

[sweettart8848]

You are right, you shouldn't have to share with anyone. If he says he loves you make him so you by breaking it off with the other girl. If he won't do it or somehow makes you feel guilty to get what he wants, he's only using you and not worth it. You deserve much better than to have your emotions toyed with like that. Have you talked to him about this?

[DealingWithIt]

I definitely know what you are going through. Its so hard to accept that our exs are with other girls yet they want to be with us. Its making it harder for us to deal with it while they can have both...its just not fair!

 

I'm so tempted to tell his girl that he's been with me but I think that idea may backfire and it'll only make him be with her more.

 

I wonder if the situation were reverse. Would our exs be willing to wait for us while we're involved with other guys?

[kaligrl22]

We have talked about the whole situation. The way he puts it is that he just wants to let things be and see what happens. He always talks bad about her when he's with me. And he makes all these comments that imply that he is going to get rid of her. Like i asked him that if I saw him out with her at a bar, if I should even bother saying hi to him, and he was like well no but we'll work on that problem, meaning he is going to get rid of her soon. The thing that puzzle's me is that he says he's still seeing her but for the past two weeks he's been with me. During the week and fri and sats too. So when the hell is he even seeing her.

Another thing that bugs me is that, I gained alot of weight when i was with him, and as soon as I dropped him i dropped the weight. he knows my past and I didnt have the best reputation,so he thinks now that I'm thin again and I feel good about myself I'm gonna go back to my old ways.. I"m like okay I was wild when I was 18 that was 5 years ago.. I've matured and I'm not like that anymore and most importantly I wasn't that way when we were dating. I"m just at the point where I'm going to tell him to OFF... Either he wants me or not. I am not going to wait around for him. Anyone know How I should bring up this topic to him without it turning into a huge fight?? I want to tell him how I feel but not sound like a possesive physcho.. Any advice???

[LovelyPetal]

He's having his cake and eating it. That is all.

[queenofvalidation]

I would advise you to have some terms & conditions firmly set in place. My ex-bf/best friend had another "friend" whom always seemed to be in my way. He kept threatening to get rid of her b/c she always put me down & disrespected his authority. She was very pretty & really spoiled/snotty. Recently, he completely got rid of her! I never advised him how to deal with her. Truth be told, I did manipulate her into badmouthing me, thereby making herself look unattractive/ignorant. He has only animosity for her & speaks very disrespectful of her. He recently acknowledged to me that he is my bf but I will not sleep with him again unless we are exclusive.

[RayKay]

This is a really old post guys, kali has an updated thread you can see that she recently made by going to her profile.