Dadadaisy123 Posted July 19, 2018 Share Posted July 19, 2018 My relationship of 5 years ended nine months ago. Ive lost some friends, but I guess they werent my friends anyway, because now they only hang out with my ex... well, in these nine months ive been trying to rebuilt my life, but im tired of trying. Im feeling very depressed and suicidal. I feel so alone. I think I dont know how to make friends... im a piece of crap :( im hanging out with some friends of my friends every week, but we dont click. Im not able to connect with them. I wish I had my old life back :( Link to comment
Dadadaisy123 Posted July 19, 2018 Author Share Posted July 19, 2018 Please, someone help me Link to comment
moodindigo91 Posted July 19, 2018 Share Posted July 19, 2018 Hey there, it's not all that bad. I'm sorry you lost your ex and a few friends but you have to stop blaming yourself for these things. It happened, you can't change it, and it is certainly not worth losing your life over. It's good that you're hanging out with friends, maybe you aren't clicking right now because you are suffering from a severe depression, which is an altered state. You need to stop living in the past and try to project yourself into a positive future. Making friends will come easier as you begin to feel better. You should try calling the suicide hotline when you feel very down, it helps to have an understanding voice on the other end. Link to comment
Pleasedonot5 Posted July 19, 2018 Share Posted July 19, 2018 Hey man, I've been there. Many of us have. You're not alone. This sucks but it's an opportunity for you to refresh and be the comeback king. The friends of your friends and you don't click? That's ok. You don't have to make them your primary friends. It's important that you get out and do new things. Even if you're alone. You could go find a ballroom dance class, you could go to the gym or go running. Heck, you could even go become a regular at a restaurant where they remember your order. Surprisingly enough, I've done those things and tonight I gave my number to a waitress who has been flirting with me a ton (wish me luck!). It's just that things happen when you go out and do things... so, questions for ya: What things do you enjoy? What things MIGHT you enjoy? I want your answers to the above. Link to comment
mjae Posted July 19, 2018 Share Posted July 19, 2018 Don’t get discouraged. By reading your post, it appears that you are trying to find happiness through external sources. You need to learn to be content and happy with yourself, and by yourself, even when doing absolutely nothing. When breakups take place, especially longer-term relationships, we tend to fixate on trying to relive the life we had with our signigant other because we believe that’s when we were the happiest, and there could be nothing more superior than that. Well, that’s where our brains trick us into having these false beliefs primarily because that’s the life we were adjusted to, and when we were at our most comfortable. Unfortunately, humans tend to think that experiencing pain, and being in discomfort, destroys us from having the capacity to living a happy, fulfilled, life. Although, the opposite is more likely the truth. It’s only when we struggle through the pain and challenges that life puts on our path when we develop the innate ability to persevere, especially when faced with adversity. In other words, there can not exist the ability to grow without going through failures, pain, challenges, and adversity. You can never experience the conveniences that life has to offer without going through the inconveniences. You should welcome pain into your life, and let it become part of you, without rejection. Then, channel that negative bast@rd through positive actions to reap the rewards at the end. Face ALL of your fears one-at-a-time. And I mean ALL of them! Afraid of flying? Then, FLY MOFO! And keep on flying until you beat that fear into submission. Then, bury it! And then it no longer has any effect on you. Then, go onto the next fear. And keep going until you get to your final fear..... which is.... drum roll..... being able to forgive, forget, and face your ex while having COMPLETE emotional control to the point where you’re no longer impacted. This is the point in your life where you’ll finally be able to look at a stronger version of yourself in the mirror, and say, “I’m free.” Also, imagine an older version of yourself 50 years from today being much smarter, wiser, healthier, physically and emotionally stronger, financially wealthier, married, and more successful in your career coming to knock on your door, sitting you down, and having a conversation with who you are now. What advice would you give to yourself? What would you suggest to yourself? How would you suggest yourself to move through the challenges you’re currently going through? You can and will get through this pain. But don’t reject the pain. Welcome it, then beat the sh*t out of it. Grow and continue growing. There will be no stopping you once you start. Good luck! Link to comment
DanZee Posted July 19, 2018 Share Posted July 19, 2018 I'm guessing your boyfriend abused you for 5 years and he stole your self-confidence and self-esteem which is the reason you're depressed. Look, you don't want to go back to him. Get out and go for a walk. Go hiking. Get involved with groups of people through any meet-ups or mutual activities with friends and family. Go shopping or just do some mall walking and people watching. Go to the beach and get some sun. Join Weight Watchers. Do things you like to do. Put your picture on Tinder or Bumble. Go to concerts and movies. Talk to strangers! (I say hi to people I walk by, but I'm in a small town.) Ask friends and even strangers if they know anyone who's single. Your next boyfriend could be just around the corner. Link to comment
Dadadaisy123 Posted July 19, 2018 Author Share Posted July 19, 2018 I'm guessing your boyfriend abused you for 5 years and he stole your self-confidence and self-esteem which is the reason you're depressed. Look, you don't want to go back to him. Get out and go for a walk. Go hiking. Get involved with groups of people through any meet-ups or mutual activities with friends and family. Go shopping or just do some mall walking and people watching. Go to the beach and get some sun. Join Weight Watchers. Do things you like to do. Put your picture on Tinder or Bumble. Go to concerts and movies. Talk to strangers! (I say hi to people I walk by, but I'm in a small town.) Ask friends and even strangers if they know anyone who's single. Your next boyfriend could be just around the corner. You guessed right... Link to comment
Dadadaisy123 Posted July 19, 2018 Author Share Posted July 19, 2018 Hey there, it's not all that bad. I'm sorry you lost your ex and a few friends but you have to stop blaming yourself for these things. It happened, you can't change it, and it is certainly not worth losing your life over. It's good that you're hanging out with friends, maybe you aren't clicking right now because you are suffering from a severe depression, which is an altered state. You need to stop living in the past and try to project yourself into a positive future. Making friends will come easier as you begin to feel better. You should try calling the suicide hotline when you feel very down, it helps to have an understanding voice on the other end. Thank you so much for your words... seriously... Link to comment
Dadadaisy123 Posted July 19, 2018 Author Share Posted July 19, 2018 Hey man, I've been there. Many of us have. You're not alone. This sucks but it's an opportunity for you to refresh and be the comeback king. The friends of your friends and you don't click? That's ok. You don't have to make them your primary friends. It's important that you get out and do new things. Even if you're alone. You could go find a ballroom dance class, you could go to the gym or go running. Heck, you could even go become a regular at a restaurant where they remember your order. Surprisingly enough, I've done those things and tonight I gave my number to a waitress who has been flirting with me a ton (wish me luck!). It's just that things happen when you go out and do things... so, questions for ya: What things do you enjoy? What things MIGHT you enjoy? I want your answers to the above. Thank you. It helps to know im not the only one whose life crumbled after a breakup... ill try to answer your questions Link to comment
Dadadaisy123 Posted July 19, 2018 Author Share Posted July 19, 2018 Don’t get discouraged. By reading your post, it appears that you are trying to find happiness through external sources. You need to learn to be content and happy with yourself, and by yourself, even when doing absolutely nothing. When breakups take place, especially longer-term relationships, we tend to fixate on trying to relive the life we had with our signigant other because we believe that’s when we were the happiest, and there could be nothing more superior than that. Well, that’s where our brains trick us into having these false beliefs primarily because that’s the life we were adjusted to, and when we were at our most comfortable. Unfortunately, humans tend to think that experiencing pain, and being in discomfort, destroys us from having the capacity to living a happy, fulfilled, life. Although, the opposite is more likely the truth. It’s only when we struggle through the pain and challenges that life puts on our path when we develop the innate ability to persevere, especially when faced with adversity. In other words, there can not exist the ability to grow without going through failures, pain, challenges, and adversity. You can never experience the conveniences that life has to offer without going through the inconveniences. You should welcome pain into your life, and let it become part of you, without rejection. Then, channel that negative bast@rd through positive actions to reap the rewards at the end. Face ALL of your fears one-at-a-time. And I mean ALL of them! Afraid of flying? Then, FLY MOFO! And keep on flying until you beat that fear into submission. Then, bury it! And then it no longer has any effect on you. Then, go onto the next fear. And keep going until you get to your final fear..... which is.... drum roll..... being able to forgive, forget, and face your ex while having COMPLETE emotional control to the point where you’re no longer impacted. This is the point in your life where you’ll finally be able to look at a stronger version of yourself in the mirror, and say, “I’m free.” Also, imagine an older version of yourself 50 years from today being much smarter, wiser, healthier, physically and emotionally stronger, financially wealthier, married, and more successful in your career coming to knock on your door, sitting you down, and having a conversation with who you are now. What advice would you give to yourself? What would you suggest to yourself? How would you suggest yourself to move through the challenges you’re currently going through? You can and will get through this pain. But don’t reject the pain. Welcome it, then beat the sh*t out of it. Grow and continue growing. There will be no stopping you once you start. Good luck! You are right. I am trying to relive those experiences.. i will try to welcome the pain Link to comment
BanksC Posted July 19, 2018 Share Posted July 19, 2018 I am so sorry to hear you feel this down and depressed.. You are not alone in this, It happens to a lot of people, one being myself! I was depressed for up to a year after i broke up with my bf of 4 years. I understand it can seem like the hardest time of you’re life and you feel like you won’t get over it.. but you will i promise!! Pleasedonot5 is completely right, doing something you enjoy, even if that’s as simple as reading.. read more/different books!! if you like games.. make something a hobby :) For me, i was a bit more drastic and went on a group holiday and also moved away for university! Big change, but it was the best thing I ever done, new city and new people.. but i also rekindled old friendships aswell! I had so much fun.. Obviously im not saying move city.. no no haha! But maybe try something new and adventurous :) enjoy being single also!! it can feel lonely and you will have your days were you will think of him or want to be with someone badly, but they pass and its normal! Remember to love yourself, you dont need a boyfriend to make you feel good.. you can do that all on your own :) it wont last forever, one day you’ll find someone much better! Also.. dont be afraid to reach out to people for help, dont sit in suffer all on your own! Link to comment
Dadadaisy123 Posted July 20, 2018 Author Share Posted July 20, 2018 I am so sorry to hear you feel this down and depressed.. You are not alone in this, It happens to a lot of people, one being myself! I was depressed for up to a year after i broke up with my bf of 4 years. I understand it can seem like the hardest time of you’re life and you feel like you won’t get over it.. but you will i promise!! Pleasedonot5 is completely right, doing something you enjoy, even if that’s as simple as reading.. read more/different books!! if you like games.. make something a hobby :) For me, i was a bit more drastic and went on a group holiday and also moved away for university! Big change, but it was the best thing I ever done, new city and new people.. but i also rekindled old friendships aswell! I had so much fun.. Obviously im not saying move city.. no no haha! But maybe try something new and adventurous :) enjoy being single also!! it can feel lonely and you will have your days were you will think of him or want to be with someone badly, but they pass and its normal! Remember to love yourself, you dont need a boyfriend to make you feel good.. you can do that all on your own :) it wont last forever, one day you’ll find someone much better! Also.. dont be afraid to reach out to people for help, dont sit in suffer all on your own! Thank you. But there is one thing i dont understand... im over my ex and dont want her anymore... I believe I am over her. I dont have any romantic feelings for her anymore. But i do miss the relationship and specially her friends.... I guess life is just harder now... Link to comment
Dadadaisy123 Posted July 20, 2018 Author Share Posted July 20, 2018 I guess somewhere deep inside I still miss my ex... this is so messed up... Link to comment
BanksC Posted July 20, 2018 Share Posted July 20, 2018 I guess somewhere deep inside I still miss my ex... this is so messed up... Was it your first love? first proper romantic relationship? If so it’s like people say you always hold a place for you’re first, and maybe always will. But it was also something you knew, something you were used to and you’re almost having to get used to a new way of living.. which is something we find hard, we’re only human! Would you consider trying to date? Link to comment
Dadadaisy123 Posted July 21, 2018 Author Share Posted July 21, 2018 I guess somewhere deep inside I still miss my ex... this is so messed up... Was it your first love? first proper romantic relationship? If so it’s like people say you always hold a place for you’re first, and maybe always will. But it was also something you knew, something you were used to and you’re almost having to get used to a new way of living.. which is something we find hard, we’re only human! Would you consider trying to date? Yes! It was. I am trying to date but nothing works out in the end.... people that i find interesting dont get attracted to me... so i end up being more depressed Link to comment
Dadadaisy123 Posted July 21, 2018 Author Share Posted July 21, 2018 Its been 9 months and I still feel suicidal. Month after month, the same feeling that my life ended.. I lost hope... Link to comment
Pleasedonot5 Posted July 21, 2018 Share Posted July 21, 2018 Its been 9 months and I still feel suicidal. Month after month, the same feeling that my life ended.. I lost hope...Well, pick yourself up and dust yourself off. There is no excuse for CHOOSING to settle into your current situation. You said it yourself - it's miserable. You keep trying the same strategy. Date, it doesn't work out, feel miserable, date, it doesn't work out, feel miserable. Break the cycle - stop dating and heal from your breakup. Go to the gym, go running, take up a social hobby, etc. Fix the issues with you that may have led to the last breakup. You should also identify an ideal you. Describe an ideal you (independent of being in a relationship). How is this ideal you different from current you? What few steps could you take in the next few days or weeks to get closer to your ideal self? Please respond with answers to these questions. Here to help, if you'll let us. PDN5. Link to comment
Dadadaisy123 Posted July 26, 2018 Author Share Posted July 26, 2018 Thank you all for the words. It REALLY helped me. Ive returned do the psychiatrist and she prescribed me lithium for the remaining symptons of depression. Ive been more stable since I started to take it. Another thing I would like to share is an insight I had during therapy this week. Its been hurting so much because this is my first time in 24 years I am really trying to live my own life, meeting my own friends... Im finally reaching for indepence so I guess this must hurt in the beginning. Also, sorry about my english Link to comment
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