Guess my ex is a lesbian now and I am struuuugling and depresseed

[cantgiveup]

"After that I asked her to let me know specifically when she would come get the dog, which she said she would."

 

You already asked her to let you know. At least once, and I think it was actually twice. Asking again would be a transparent attempt to start up another conversation.

 

And your "heart" isn't communicating with you. It's your emotions because you have slipped back into lurking on her life. Now you want more hits of the drug, which isn't surprising.

 

Yes I know the research it is like a drug and it's so weird because when I first broke up with her I was done and I was fine. It was after we bumped into each other again and had sex and we were still fighting (I was still trying to change her) and then she told me she likes this girl (who has been dating this other girl who was a professional dominatrix) she basically reversed the breakup on me, and then I instantly became desperate. I guess because she had been pursuing me for those 2 months I never fully processed the breakup felt I could just snap my fingers and have her back.

 

Then right at that time she told me some things that were basically the same as what my last ex who dumped me had cited as reasons for breaking up and it hit me to my core. I can see how I was dysfunctional in the relationship as well.

 

The worst is that I dumped her w/o giving her a chance I feel like and I became involved with her kids and just cut her out of my life for 2 months and it's the guilt of that which I think is making this so hard.

 

After the little time had passed all the negatives didn't seem as important and there were positives to her also.

 

For example the think that catalyzed the breakup was her staying out all night and I was sure she hooked up with some guy, but I was looking back through my old Tinder and Bumble messages and noticed then when I was out of town visiting my parents I was messaging girls on there, so who I was just as bad as her.

 

Just beating myself up for not handling things differently and guess it's my mind stuck in the bargaining phase thinking if I can feel bad about it enough it will somehow change the past....

[cantgiveup]

Get rid of the dog and stop encouraging those thoughts about her. It's the only way. You have to pick yourself up by your own bootstraps and carry yourself through the pain - trying to do things that make you feel better (or make you think it will make you feel better) is just avoiding moving on.

 

I know you're right I didn't reach out to her about the dog, it was to her friend, but then she text me...I should have had her blocked still...and I was brief with my reply. Then she went on about the $300 I let her "borrow" back in June and talked about losing her job and having to let her ex husband take the kids and she only gets them every other weekend...It's actually her pattern trying to get sympathy I guess. And it worked but the thing is I do feel that I was heartless for my handling of the breakup, walking out and ignoring her for 2 months.

 

I have realized I have very poor relationship management skills and some real distorted thinking from my chaotic alcoholic childhood. And it's the guilt and regret that really kills me and not knowing if it could have turned out different if I had handled things better...

 

But obv she does too she managed to lose her job, again I know she got fired by being late always, and she can't plan or budget with money so now she can't even afford anything for her kids and has had to give up the 50/50 custody that was so hard fought (including $10K from me)...

 

Listen guys I know I am just whining and I know I have to push through the pain and try to be strong. But this has floored me...and I can't get rid of her from my mind I think about it 24/7...I feel that I still lover her, and if that's so why did I do what I did the first time.

 

I know I am barely making sense at this point, this really has torn my mind apart and I am barely hanging on, and it is cathartic to post her so I am just trying to get some of this stuff out so I appreciate you guys reading and responding. Thank you.

[SweetGirl28]

You have to leave the past where it is, and realize you don't need to feel guilty or sorry for her. You can't save someone who is their own worst enemy, which she is to herself. Her issues are hers, her life is a mess not because of you, but because she chooses to be irresponsible.

 

Nothing you did led her to where she is right now. Be kind and forgive yourself for the things you feel guilty over, and move beyond it. There's no future here when two people are both being unstable. I empathize with your feelings, I'm not trying to be mean to you, but every day you let this hold you down, you're missing out on living your life.

 

Each day is a gift. Treat it as such. Allow yourself to feel the hurt for no more than 15 minutes a day. Then put your thoughts elsewhere and keep yourself distracted with other things.

[cantgiveup]

You have to leave the past where it is, and realize you don't need to feel guilty or sorry for her. You can't save someone who is their own worst enemy, which she is to herself. Her issues are hers, her life is a mess not because of you, but because she chooses to be irresponsible.

 

Nothing you did led her to where she is right now. Be kind and forgive yourself for the things you feel guilty over, and move beyond it. There's no future here when two people are both being unstable. I empathize with your feelings, I'm not trying to be mean to you, but every day you let this hold you down, you're missing out on living your life.

 

Each day is a gift. Treat it as such. Allow yourself to feel the hurt for no more than 15 minutes a day. Then put your thoughts elsewhere and keep yourself distracted with other things.

 

I know that you are right and I am missing out on my life...the 15 min a day is something I should try I am just someone who has always really been in their head and it's hard for me.

 

So hard for me to leave the past where it is. Also she called me up in March saying she wanted to get this girl out of her life, the girl is toxic for sure, and I tried to go on few dates with her and she was constantly texting this girl in front of me, and I got pissed. Then she came over my house crying in the middle of the night-then after that didn't want to talk about things. Then in April she invited me to the beach and Disney with her kids and when I called her to say hey we didn't talk because your kids where there she says I'm putting pressure on her. So I feel like I could of had her back, which is what I want right now.

 

But do I just want it because I am hurting and lonely? I don't know I mean look she lost her job and now has had to give up her kids and she made this dramatic FB post about how she is sorry to everyone blah blah blah. I mean it was really just a bunch of words.

 

I just miss the love that we did share and before things went bad and her company and the way we connected which as pretty deep and intense for those first few months. And I bonded with her kids so well. And then I freaked out and just ended things and just didn't think it through. Look I'm 39 and have never made a relationship work. I wish to god I had done things differently and had just tried a bit harder and been a bit less judgmental. Although yeah look at the state of her life right now I know it's not my fault.

 

Still I miss her like crazy and I know I really do love her still, it's not just chemicals in my brain or not having someone else. She has something no other girl has had...it just came with a lot of other stuff that I didn't want, namely no ability to think of or plan for the future, and no discipline or responsibility at all...So that's it I guess I just have to walk through this on my own and try to find the best in every day. I know others have it worse and I should be grateful but feeling like it's my fault or my decisions that are the reason for the way it is, that's what makes it awful, you know? Yeah like others have it worse but I ended it, I dumped her and stayed irrationally angry for months, so I guess there's a huge component of self pity there...I hope I can forgive myself one day I suppose if I ever expect to truly be kind to others I will need to learn to be kind to myself. Don't know why I love to beat myself up so much...

 

Thanks for your words I do the best I can to distract myself but some part of my brain just doesn't want to let myself off the hook...

[figureitout23]

I know that you are right and I am missing out on my life...the 15 min a day is something I should try I am just someone who has always really been in their head and it's hard for me.

 

So hard for me to leave the past where it is. Also she called me up in March saying she wanted to get this girl out of her life, the girl is toxic for sure, and I tried to go on few dates with her and she was constantly texting this girl in front of me, and I got pissed. Then she came over my house crying in the middle of the night-then after that didn't want to talk about things. Then in April she invited me to the beach and Disney with her kids and when I called her to say hey we didn't talk because your kids where there she says I'm putting pressure on her. So I feel like I could of had her back, which is what I want right now.

 

But do I just want it because I am hurting and lonely? I don't know I mean look she lost her job and now has had to give up her kids and she made this dramatic FB post about how she is sorry to everyone blah blah blah. I mean it was really just a bunch of words.

 

I just miss the love that we did share and before things went bad and her company and the way we connected which as pretty deep and intense for those first few months. And I bonded with her kids so well. And then I freaked out and just ended things and just didn't think it through. Look I'm 39 and have never made a relationship work. I wish to god I had done things differently and had just tried a bit harder and been a bit less judgmental. Although yeah look at the state of her life right now I know it's not my fault.

 

Still I miss her like crazy and I know I really do love her still, it's not just chemicals in my brain or not having someone else. She has something no other girl has had...it just came with a lot of other stuff that I didn't want, namely no ability to think of or plan for the future, and no discipline or responsibility at all...So that's it I guess I just have to walk through this on my own and try to find the best in every day. I know others have it worse and I should be grateful but feeling like it's my fault or my decisions that are the reason for the way it is, that's what makes it awful, you know? Yeah like others have it worse but I ended it, I dumped her and stayed irrationally angry for months, so I guess there's a huge component of self pity there...I hope I can forgive myself one day I suppose if I ever expect to truly be kind to others I will need to learn to be kind to myself. Don't know why I love to beat myself up so much...

 

Thanks for your words I do the best I can to distract myself but some part of my brain just doesn't want to let myself off the hook...

 

It would not have worked out.

 

Period.

 

This woman has demons to face. Many.

 

This relationship was codependent and even though you keep trying to google analyze her, you are just as much to blame for this as she is.

 

You have your own demons to face and you need to work through them

 

You seem intelligent so I refuse to believe you thought it was healthy and wise to give a woman you barely knew 10,000$ for a court custody battle. The red flags from that alone...

 

At this current point in time you both have so much baggage youre perfect for eachother. And if thats what you want, dysfunction, go get it, no reason to suffer.

 

But if you actually spent the time to heal yourself, I promise, you will look back and slap yourself for not seeing how much of a train wreck this situation was.

 

Right now, you think so little of yourself that you are viewing an unemployed, drug addict, user, who cannot keep custody of her own kids, as a life partner, let that sink in.

[cantgiveup]

It would not have worked out.

 

Period.

 

This woman has demons to face. Many.

 

This relationship was codependent and even though you keep trying to google analyze her, you are just as much to blame for this as she is.

 

You have your own demons to face and you need to work through them

 

You seem intelligent so I refuse to believe you thought it was healthy and wise to give a woman you barely knew 10,000$ for a court custody battle. The red flags from that alone...

 

At this current point in time you both have so much baggage youre perfect for eachother. And if thats what you want, dysfunction, go get it, no reason to suffer.

 

But if you actually spent the time to heal yourself, I promise, you will look back and slap yourself for not seeing how much of a train wreck this situation was.

 

Right now, you think so little of yourself that you are viewing an unemployed, drug addict, user, who cannot keep custody of her own kids, as a life partner, let that sink in.

 

Did I think it was healthy or wise? I don't know honestly it seems like I didn't really think about it at all. But I trusted her that she would get it together and start working, the ex had left in the middle of the night with the kids (this was true confirmed by friends and family) and she was a stay at home mom, he went to another state, had to leave the kids when he came back and was served divorce papers...Yeah I should have said no but at that time I didn't know.

 

Maybe I wanted to prove my love for her, by that time I had developed a bond with her kids...I didn't want to see them seperated and it seemed her ex husband was aggressively pursuing full custody and I did see him send many nasty messages and also at one point he withheld the kids from her for 30 days...so yeah he was crazy...but with more insight now it is clear they were both nuts.

 

As for me yeah my self-esteem isn't great. It's better than it once was because when I was in my 20's I was basically hopeless with women. Now I know what to do I can get a woman who I find attractive, at least I could before this breakup crushed me...so yeah I know I have plenty to work on. And despite all of her problems I did love and care about her and her children.

 

I admit that you're right looking at her now it's really a pity and a shame and say we had a kid together I don't think I would feel confident she could take care of my child if something happened to me.

 

I'm just feeling the pressure of being 39 and never having made one work, and man I was so into her at the beginning like no one ever. Overtime yes it became clear that she was lazy and irresponsible, and I know it takes more than just saying you love and care about your kids. If she loves them truly then she would have tried harder to get a job and put herself in a position to take care of them...or is she just crippled by her "demons" as you put it.

 

Don't know, probably never will. Even still wish I took a different approach, but yeah you are right she behaves as if she is a child herself and I know I could never have changed her. Maybe falling all the way down like this will spur her to change for herself, but then it's probably too late for the two of us. Just mourning what could have been.

 

It's certainly doesn't help that I don't have my mom anymore and have few close friends. I get along with people pretty well but at this point in life it's not a party every night and I have to spend most of my nights at home and getting ready for work the next day. Yeah it probably would never have worked but who is to say. I just don't know I am working on my stuff, but right now it's almost too painful to read these books and go to therapy (although I am).

 

Seeing the red flags in hindsight is painful as F**K, I should gave guarded my emotions and moved more slowly. She isn't in a place to be able to be a mom, or a partner, you're right. I wish that knowledge would ease the pain but for some reason, it doesn't. But thanks for reading and for your words.

[saluk]

Stop re-litigating the past. Start planning and focusing on the now and the future. What you had done with trying to give the dog back was fine, but it ended up letting her get in touch with you. So now you gotta move on again. You will have stumbles, but you have to decide what kind of life you want to live. You say you are scared about your age and poor relationship history? Well I have two pills for you to take. A red pill and a blue one. The blue pill is to consider your love for this woman as the best and last love you will ever have. You'll grow older, but you will never move on. You will never have a chance at making a relationship work, because you are fixated on the memory of the one or two times you actually loved this woman, and then all of the times after that in which you have mistaken fear and anxiety for love.

 

The red pill is to realize that your best chance at making a relationship work lies with: getting space from this woman, working on healing yourself to the point where someone who isn't a walking train wreck might admire you, and finding someone who is compatible, available, respectful, thoughtful, successful, encouraging, uplifting, and healthy to actually have a good shot at making a relationship that strengthens rather than weakens both parties.

 

You gotta hope in that future that is available because complaining about the past will just keep pulling you back there. Whatever you need to do to find that hope. You can't hope in this broken woman. She can't save you. You gotta hope in a better future without her. Whatever you can do to find that hope, you gotta FIGHT for it. Your feelings toward her kids are enough for me to think that YOU are worth FIGHTING for. But you gotta be your own advocate.

[SweetGirl28]

I know that you are right and I am missing out on my life...the 15 min a day is something I should try I am just someone who has always really been in their head and it's hard for me.

 

So hard for me to leave the past where it is. Also she called me up in March saying she wanted to get this girl out of her life, the girl is toxic for sure, and I tried to go on few dates with her and she was constantly texting this girl in front of me, and I got pissed. Then she came over my house crying in the middle of the night-then after that didn't want to talk about things. Then in April she invited me to the beach and Disney with her kids and when I called her to say hey we didn't talk because your kids where there she says I'm putting pressure on her. So I feel like I could of had her back, which is what I want right now.

 

But do I just want it because I am hurting and lonely? I don't know I mean look she lost her job and now has had to give up her kids and she made this dramatic FB post about how she is sorry to everyone blah blah blah. I mean it was really just a bunch of words.

 

I just miss the love that we did share and before things went bad and her company and the way we connected which as pretty deep and intense for those first few months. And I bonded with her kids so well. And then I freaked out and just ended things and just didn't think it through. Look I'm 39 and have never made a relationship work. I wish to god I had done things differently and had just tried a bit harder and been a bit less judgmental. Although yeah look at the state of her life right now I know it's not my fault.

 

Still I miss her like crazy and I know I really do love her still, it's not just chemicals in my brain or not having someone else. She has something no other girl has had...it just came with a lot of other stuff that I didn't want, namely no ability to think of or plan for the future, and no discipline or responsibility at all...So that's it I guess I just have to walk through this on my own and try to find the best in every day. I know others have it worse and I should be grateful but feeling like it's my fault or my decisions that are the reason for the way it is, that's what makes it awful, you know? Yeah like others have it worse but I ended it, I dumped her and stayed irrationally angry for months, so I guess there's a huge component of self pity there...I hope I can forgive myself one day I suppose if I ever expect to truly be kind to others I will need to learn to be kind to myself. Don't know why I love to beat myself up so much...

 

Thanks for your words I do the best I can to distract myself but some part of my brain just doesn't want to let myself off the hook...

 

When you can see things clearly, you'll realize you weren't irrationally angry at her. The anger was well deserved.

This was destined to fail at some point because she's a mess. It should not be a partners duty to fix the mess. A

relationship will only be as good as the two people entering it are. She did not have her life together to even try to be in a relationship and give her best self. When you stop the self blame, you'll understand that while you may have loved her, she couldn't ever return that love because she's not able to love herself. And now you're not living yourself either. Don't worry about your age. Focus on understanding yourself and your emotions, and how you cope. Then make a list of qualities you seek, as well as deal breakers, and don't overlook things that are not acceptable for you. You have a better chance of finding a woman who is stable and wanting a relationship if you know what you want, and don't settle for less.

[cantgiveup]

Stop re-litigating the past. Start planning and focusing on the now and the future. What you had done with trying to give the dog back was fine, but it ended up letting her get in touch with you. So now you gotta move on again. You will have stumbles, but you have to decide what kind of life you want to live. You say you are scared about your age and poor relationship history? Well I have two pills for you to take. A red pill and a blue one. The blue pill is to consider your love for this woman as the best and last love you will ever have. You'll grow older, but you will never move on. You will never have a chance at making a relationship work, because you are fixated on the memory of the one or two times you actually loved this woman, and then all of the times after that in which you have mistaken fear and anxiety for love.

 

The red pill is to realize that your best chance at making a relationship work lies with: getting space from this woman, working on healing yourself to the point where someone who isn't a walking train wreck might admire you, and finding someone who is compatible, available, respectful, thoughtful, successful, encouraging, uplifting, and healthy to actually have a good shot at making a relationship that strengthens rather than weakens both parties.

 

You gotta hope in that future that is available because complaining about the past will just keep pulling you back there. Whatever you need to do to find that hope. You can't hope in this broken woman. She can't save you. You gotta hope in a better future without her. Whatever you can do to find that hope, you gotta FIGHT for it. Your feelings toward her kids are enough for me to think that YOU are worth FIGHTING for. But you gotta be your own advocate.

 

Thanks man you are right. As you said she’s broken (although I am too in many different ways than her) but she lacks true self love and therefore engages in self destructive behavior. And I’m aware of my broken parts and am working on them I don’t think she’s ready to face up and work on hers. I guess some people never get there...

 

I like the pill analogy it makes a lot of sense and kind of reminds me of some stuff I’ve read about guys getting oneitis and some of the philosophy of Rollo Tomassi, which I think makes a lot of sense.

 

And I think you’re right there was a lot of fear and anxiety once her incapacity for good decision making became apparent I was afraid and anxious about our future together. I loved her but yeah maybe deep down I started realizing it was doomed and was afraid of just such an outcome as what took place.

 

Yes I loved those kids and god it hurts I can remember her daughter running up to me when she saw me get out of my truck shout “hi joey, hi joey!” so excited and smiling and swept her up in my arms and held her. And her daughter telling me she loved me while hugging my legs one day.

 

Thank you for believing in me and being worth fighting for. I concur wholeheartedly I need to be my best advocate and put my well being and happiness first if I want to being happiness and good things into this world.

 

Thanks again man

[cantgiveup]

When you can see things clearly, you'll realize you weren't irrationally angry at her. The anger was well deserved.

This was destined to fail at some point because she's a mess. It should not be a partners duty to fix the mess. A

relationship will only be as good as the two people entering it are. She did not have her life together to even try to be in a relationship and give her best self. When you stop the self blame, you'll understand that while you may have loved her, she couldn't ever return that love because she's not able to love herself. And now you're not living yourself either. Don't worry about your age. Focus on understanding yourself and your emotions, and how you cope. Then make a list of qualities you seek, as well as deal breakers, and don't overlook things that are not acceptable for you. You have a better chance of finding a woman who is stable and wanting a relationship if you know what you want, and don't settle for less.

 

Thank you. Yes this is something I had even brought up with her in our relationship, I realized she was engaging in self destructive behaviors and seemed to not like herself.

 

I know that it’s true her life is a mess and she has even said as much herself...and that’s why I broke up with her although after I calmed down a bit I did realize I had deep feelings for her.

 

It’s strange actually it wasn’t until I saw her again that I felt that way. Once we saw each other again and had sex I wanted her to be close to me and at the same time I was still irritated by the things she was doing and trying to correct her behavior by fighting. I miss the connection that we did have once. And I am lonely now.

 

I realize it was destined to fail, no matter what we would have clashed. Still it hurts to lose her and the children and the love and connection we had and realize despite that other things got in the way, regardless of what those other things were or were caused by.

 

Thanks for your words

[figureitout23]

Thank you. Yes this is something I had even brought up with her in our relationship, I realized she was engaging in self destructive behaviors and seemed to not like herself.

 

I know that it’s true her life is a mess and she has even said as much herself...and that’s why I broke up with her although after I calmed down a bit I did realize I had deep feelings for her.

 

It’s strange actually it wasn’t until I saw her again that I felt that way. Once we saw each other again and had sex I wanted her to be close to me and at the same time I was still irritated by the things she was doing and trying to correct her behavior by fighting. I miss the connection that we did have once. And I am lonely now.

 

I realize it was destined to fail, no matter what we would have clashed. Still it hurts to lose her and the children and the love and connection we had and realize despite that other things got in the way, regardless of what those other things were or were caused by.

 

Thanks for your words

 

You miss the dysfunction is my guess.

 

Why? I don't know, not your therapist. But this is your MO.

 

Almost word for word you did all this with your other ex.

 

She was irresponsible, you developed a father/child dynamic, you got angry and cruel towards her and broke up with her, she moved on, you paniced and yearned to have her back.

 

Rinse/wash/repeat.

 

Literally, I'm surprised you don't have deja vu. You had the exact same relationship and reaction twice, that's is documented, who knows how many times you've done this before posting. You will keep doing this until you figure out why you keep doing it. The odds of you just happening to fall for two totally irresponsible women and parenting them is slim to none, you are attracted to them.

 

You gotta figure out why man.

[cantgiveup]

Well she was here just now, she picked up the dog. Called and said she’d be 15-20 min after about 50 min I decided to call her and just go do some errands and I’d leave the dog in the backyard.

 

She had the kids with her and she was like “we’re almost there can you just wait I told the kids we’re going to your house and they want to see you”

 

So I decided to stay. She showed up, and we hung out for a minute. I was pretty non chalant I was setting up my drums. We talked a bit I asked her about her job. She mentioned she’s in a new house and was nervous about the dog getting along with her new roommates dog asking me for advice. She mentioned she can’t figure out how to put her kids bed together (I did it last time when we moved her into the apartment last year) It was almost like she was fishing for me to offer to help, but I didn’t.

 

When she text me the other day she said she got into a huge fight with the girl who she started “hooking up” with. Let’s call her Kathy. I asked “is the place where you work where Kathy and her sister work?”

 

She said no Kathy doesn’t work there she didn’t make it through the training, to which I replied “are you surprised?”

 

So she had been living with this girl but she said they were having huge fights, and now she’s moved into another place. Yeah I was hoping they were done, I won’t lie.

 

But then I noticed she had a new phone and I mentioned it and she said “yeah Kathy bought it for me for my birthday” Her birthday was the 15th...so they’re still talking.

 

I found out back in June that she was living with Kathy when she came by my house at that time. That day I was drinking and had taken a xanax so I was very relaxed but a few days later I texted her that I wanted these boxes of hers that I had agreed to keep out of my house, and we started fighting over text. I basically told her that Kathy is a “f’ing sex worker I know for a fact she was doing domination sessions in March and this is who you want to be with and have around your kids? She makes me sick and you make me sick” So yeah I was pretty mean and emotional. Next day we had another emotional text battle. I went pretty much no contact since then she text me in early July asking how I was doing since my dog died and said I was in her thoughts, and then immediately sent a text asking about some piece of furniture. I just ignored her and stayed NC for the month of July.

 

Anyways today I didn’t react remained calm. And she kept lingering...finally I was like ok well I have some errands to run, and she can as like ok we’ll go. So her and the kids left. I just said bye. So I never brought up anything about us or anything, she didn’t either.

 

It was tough seeing her. I can’t deny that I still have feelings for her and I miss her kids. She looked good she put makeup on...Yeah idk I’m looking for signs and probably holding on to false hope.

 

The fact that the girl got her a new phone for her birthday tells me all I need to know I guess...My roommate was here he said she seemed non chalant herself and seemed to be just acting like a friend.

 

Anyways I guess I don’t really know what I’m asking I’m not planning to contact her. She says she’s going to pay me $300 I loaned her back around June 1st...so I anticipate she’ll contact me about that if this new job she is working pays off.

 

Man still wish I didn’t breakup with her, and we had several dates and times we hung out in March and April and kept getting mad when things weren’t progressing fast enough for me. Basically showed neediness. Then I would cut her off again and it was during that period in may when I wasn’t talking to her Kathy showed back up and helped her move out of the apartment. And I feel like if I hadn’t have rushed things and gotten pissed in May I would’ve been the one to help her move and I had an empty room in my house I could’ve moved her in here.

 

She didn’t want the breakup and I forced it on her. Didn’t offer to talk, broke up over text, said a lot of mean, angry, emotional and then ignored her basically daily texts all through November and December. So I feel like I just kind of forced her to move on and then Kathy showed up and she got with her. So now she’s over it and I’m finally realizing I’ve probably lost her for good and it hit me hard, and here I am months later struggling to get over it.

 

Don’t get how she’s a lesbian now I can’t believe that, I mean she clearly enjoyed having sex with me, although maybe I got a bit lazy towards the end not making sure she’s getting off and going down on her as much. But the day before I broke up with her we had sex, and when I first saw her again in January her legs were shaking like crazy. And she was with her kids dad for 6 years. So I think she’s just bi and this Kathy is a full on lesbian, and she’s also a sex worker and crazy. I know she’s done crazy stuff to my ex such as bringing her (Kathy’s) ex who hated my ex because my ex was stealing her girlfriend in her mind I guess. So Kathy’s ex basically choke slammed my ex outside some strip club and left with her ex. When I asked my ex if Kathy did anything to stop it or checked on her after she told me no that Kathy just looked at her and rolled her eyes.

 

Honestly this Kathy girl is a piece of trash and I don’t get it all of my ex’s other friends are classy. If she was just together with a girl now who was normal, you know I would understand more I mean so many girls are bi anyways, but to get with a girl who does domination as a job, and bring that person around her young kids, and Kathy basically brought her ex to beat her up, and she also told me her and Kathy were having such huge fights that she didn’t want the kids in that environment, yet she’s still apparently taking to this girl as evidenced by the phone. And it doesn’t make sense why she is into that maybe she likes the toxic drama I don’t know.

 

I guess the only option I have is to go back to NC and focus on moving on, even though I want her back she looked damn good today. I feel like with what I know now I could’ve managed the relationship better, and I know we could still be together...and she was lingering and she was asking me about what I was doing today I do think she was trying to see if I’d offer to help with the bed...grasping at straws most likely.

 

Anyways thanks for reading guys feel free to put your two cents in.

[saluk]

Yeah, back to NC is the way forward. You still can't change the past, and you still don't know what any of those changes would mean. But there's nothing like seeing the person who makes us crazy to make us crazy again. Hopefully, it will wear off after a little while and you'll be back on the slower than you'd like healing train.