I think this man has feelings...help!

[abitbroken]

Danzee,

I wasn’t sure— I’m kind of relieved that you see it that way. I kept wondering if it was really flirting or just friendly. The compliments pull me to say flirting as his main love language is words of affirmation.

 

Thanks for your advice.

 

I guess my real question is I love to relationship we have (which is obviously flirty) — it feels so good. But when it comes down to it that is pretty selfish. How should I balance that with treating him well (he can’t date and I don’t want to cause him added sexual tension) and not letting the friend zone sneak in.

 

I think that you should not take it further. If you know that he can't date for 8 months -- has he told you this? Either he told you this to ward you off or he is an oversharer with poor boundaries. if i was needing to take a break from dating, i would not tell someone of the opposite sex that unless they directly asked me out on a clear date. I would simply try to meet other guys in the meantime - maybe you are too fixated on this guy. in eight months, decide how you feel --- but keep in mind he already put his cards on the table - he has issues with codependency. If you have similar issues (i don't know if you do or not) - it would be a very bad match

[FirstDates]

Abitbroken, thanks for your input.

 

I don’t have co-dependent issue but I think your recommendation is valid.

[abitbroken]

Keyman,

 

Basically he has seen co-dependent relationships his whole life (starting from young age with Mom) to the point he was dating awful women but would get trapped into the unhealthy cycle because of co-dependency.

 

He has changed a lot since getting counciling, but the strong recommendation was that he not jump into relationships right away. Judgement skills need time to recalibrate! He has some self care and growing to do (even a great girlfriend would detract from allowing him to gain his own footing truly living without co-dependency or enabling)

 

Does that help?

 

 

Well -- the fact that he told you his exes were awful is a warning sign. Telling you way too much about his relationships and oversharing like you are his support group pal is a red flag. People who have tales of awful exes instead of people who said "i made some choices to date people who were not the right match for me. I tended to pick people that i wanted to 'fix'" usually end up having way many more "awful exes" - including some nice women who just didn't do things the way he wanted or who called him out on his issues. I had an ex like that. Every person who told him what's what or asserted their boundaries was a "violator"