Another breakup story

[Riverflow]

So, it started about a month ago.

My now ex boyfriend and I were happy. Everything was going great. He came over on a Tuesday when I was giving my dog a bath and he helped me trim her hair. He needed to go home so he said goodbye, I love you, and kissed me as usual. I started thinking about how much I appreciated him, how much he meant to me, and then, that night it started. He sent me a text. He said that four about four months he kept hearing this little voice telling him either we were supposed to break up, take a break, not just not be together at all.

He’s a very spiritual kinda guy. He asked me to pray about it, and since he wanted a break I thought giving him some space would help. So we agreed to get away from each other for a week.

 

Maybe that’s where I went wrong. I should’ve stayed and worked it out together instead of giving him space and leaving him alone with his thoughts.

The Sunday of that week he asked if we could talk. He asked to put out relationship on pause for a month. That he had brokenness he needed to work through.

It hurt.

I agreed. I was willing to wait. I wanted him to be okay.

Then the Wednesday following that he asked if we could talk again and he broke up with me.

That was the single most horrible night of my life. The pain I felt, I felt it physically. I couldn’t stop crying my chest felt so tight and I couldn’t breathe. I talked on the phone with a friend for about three hours. Two and a half of those hours was really just me crying.

 

The next day we talked. I wasn’t about to let a failed relationship take my best friend away. So we stayed friends. Close friends at that. We still hung out and did things together. There was a big difference in things of course. One day he said he wishes he could go back and yell at his younger self for the mistakes he made. But honestly I’f I were to go back I’d do it the same all over again. Mistakes and all.

 

I told him to stop focusing on the what if’s and to start focusing on the now and the future. I’m reality tho, being next to him and not being able to even hold his hand was eating me inside. I couldn’t look at his face without wanting to kiss him. And whenever he smiled at me, I felt miserable.

 

This went on for two weeks. We were good. But again, I don’t know what happened. I heard that a friend of his had a talk with him about being his own person and he just came down. Yesterday he dumped me as a friend and I realized that I was still not okay. That I had put on a mask and told myself I was okay in order to keep my friendship, and I did it so much that I started to believe it myself. But after yesterday it all dawned on me again.

 

I’m hurt. And I’ve forgiven him for breaking me the way he did but it still hurt. And now I lost my best friend. He was a little piece of home. A home i can’t find anywhere else. He was my support, the person I came to with anything and everything. The one he always redirected me to the good in my life.

 

I have other friends but i can’t talk to them about it. They all side with me and make him the enemy. For most people that would work but not for me. I don’t wanna see him hurting, I don’t want people to think bad of him. I want him to be happy. He’s not a bad person. He deserves to be happy too.

The hard part about this is I’m gonna keep seeing him. We go to the same church, same youth group, same friends. And I know he’s gonna act friendly but it hurts because he’s not my friend.

So what do I do now.

 

Yesterday night i had a dream and he was in it. I saw him get shot in the face right in front of me. Protecting me, he glanced at me and they shot him. I couldn’t sleep after that. I can’t stop thinking about this whole thing and why everything happened like this and so sudden. We were doing so well.

Maybe it’s for the best that we stoped being friends but I don’t know what to do with myself. What do I do with this pain? How do I make it stop?

[DanZee]

Well, normally, I would have said he's found another girl, and guys usually pull this stuff about breaking up and still wanting to be friends when there's someone else they want to date. Since you haven't see him with any girls, I wonder if he's bipolar or just religious crazy.

 

But whatever the case, you're just going to keep hurting yourself by seeing this guy. The wound will never heal, especially if he's patronizing you when you do run into him. On ENA we usually recommend going total no contact. Don't see him, don't text him, block him on social media. It's the only way to heal. I would suggest changing churches and youth groups if you can.

 

As for your dream, seeing your boyfriend shot, I would interpret, is your subconscious dealing with him breaking up with you. You're literally getting rid of an aspect of yourself that you don't like which is your boyfriend. Since he is protecting you when he's shot, I would say that his "death" is actually protecting you from future harm by being done away with. Since he no longer loves you, I would say it's a good thing that he broke up with you. You deserve someone who will love you back.

 

So you need to move on from your boyfriend. Keep hanging around with your friends, go out to dinner and movies, try to do things that make you happy. And try not to see your ex.

[SGH]

Take every wonderful feeling and outcome you just wished for your ex and direct it at yourself. Don't worry about the "one false move" you think you made that sealed the deal. Breakups don"t really work like that. He had doubts and eventually he decided to follow through. No amount of calculation or people pleasing could have stopped it.

 

It doesn't seem like it now, but cutting off the friendship is a blessing. You need some time to adjust to being on your own without him as part of your support system. You will find better people to lean on then someone who decided not having you in their life was better for them. Believe me.

 

Try no contact and don't run from the feelings. Sit with them and embrace them until they start to go away on their own. Contrary to what society says, it is okay to be sad and lonely for awhile. Eventually the ending of this relationship will make room for something new and wonderful in your life 😊

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear this. How long were you dating? How old is he? Breakups always hurt. Try to focus more on friends, family, school, interests, etc. Join some clubs, groups he is not involved in to make more friends and broaden your horizons, volunteer. No higher power told him to break up with you, that was all about him. Be polite but distant if you have to see him at church, youth groups, etc.