Still Dealing with the Pain

[CubbyBear]

today was one of those days for me, too. i was going to go out and visit my family but decided to have some pizza at home instead.

 

i guess all of us here feel that way about our exes or we wouldn't be here.

 

it hurts..... and i cried a little today, too. i wish i could zap my brain in that little spot that remembers him. lol

 

it will be a blessing when this is over. i know that much!

 

Hang in there. Hopefully one day they will have a procedure like in Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Until then....I guess we'll just have to take this day by day :/

[Lambert]

Hang in there. Hopefully one day they will have a procedure like in Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Until then....I guess we'll just have to take this day by day :/

exactly! haha....

 

thank you. you hang on as well.... nothing but blue skies from here on out. [emoji23]

[Hopeful7]

today was one of those days for me, too. i was going to go out and visit my family but decided to have some pizza at home instead.

 

i guess all of us here feel that way about our exes or we wouldn't be here.

 

it hurts..... and i cried a little today, too. i wish i could zap my brain in that little spot that remembers him. lol

 

it will be a blessing when this is over. i know that much!

 

 

Pizza actually sounds so good . Delivery or home made ? Junk food makes me feel better when I am feeling down.

 

 

I went to work out and feel little better but still sad .

 

Do u ever have trouble with what if or should have etc ? If so how do u get yourself out of that loop of thinking?

[CubbyBear]

Pizza actually sounds so good . Delivery or home made ? Junk food makes me feel better when I am feeling down.

 

 

I went to work out and feel little better but still sad .

 

Do u ever have trouble with what if or should have etc ? If so how do u get yourself out of that loop of thinking?

 

Hey, as long as you got out there and did some exercise...nothing wrong with spoiling yourself. Go and get that pizza!

 

Yes, I play the "what if" game all the time. I have an obsessive personality so it's difficult to shut off. I do my best to focus on what they did to contribute to the failure of the relationship and what qualities I didn't like in them. I also try and picture what type of person I want to be and what life I want to create for myself...and what type of person that will attract. Hopefully someone better than the person I'm pining over. It doesn't eliminate the pain but it does help a bit.

 

I am doing everything I can to try and fight contacting her and slipping more into depression. Self-Help books, exercise, new wardrobe, new look, new furniture, spending more time with friends, therapy, writing, taking vitamins, volunteering, going to meetups, flirting on dating profiles etc. etc. None of them help me right then and there but I know combined, I'll eventually get out of my funk.

 

I am so sorry that you are feeling sad. My heart goes out to you, truly. I think of the pain I'm going through and then I see others go through the same thing and it just makes me even sadder. All of you seem like great people and don't deserve this. I have to believe that this is happening to us for a reason and it's leading us to the peace, love, and happiness we desire or deserve. Could be wrong there but I have to think that...otherwise what's the point of going on?

[Lambert]

pizza was take out. yum... but i don't eat junk so now I'm eeling blahhhhh. ha.

 

i think about my ex all the time. its the most annoying thing.

 

sometimes honestly, i just take a nap to get it to stop. i lay there and pray for people with bigger problems. try to remember to be grateful... life is about those that share it with you, not those that chose to leave. in some ways being dumped is so lame. like why do dumpers deserve such props!

 

they obvs have issues. but know that just bc relationships can and do end it doesn't mean its the end of us.

 

"when you're down to nothing, God is up to something! "

 

keep the faith.....

[CubbyBear]

pizza was take out. yum... but i don't eat junk so now I'm eeling blahhhhh. ha.

 

i think about my ex all the time. its the most annoying thing.

 

sometimes honestly, i just take a nap to get it to stop. i lay there and pray for people with bigger problems. try to remember to be grateful... life is about those that share it with you, not those that chose to leave. in some ways being dumped is so lame. like why do dumpers deserve such props!

 

they obvs have issues. but know that just bc relationships can and do end it doesn't mean its the end of us.

 

"when you're down to nothing, God is up to something! "

 

keep the faith.....

 

Love your attitude Lambert. I, myself...am not a religious man so I don't have that angle to give me comfort :( However, being grateful is definitely the right attitude to have. Life is so short. We don't belong to anyone and no one belongs to us. How amazing is it that we gave a piece of ourselves to someone and vice versa. Regardless if it didn't work out or not. We have the good memories to cherish and the bad ones to learn from.

 

One thing that helped me put things in perspective (I've been debating making a separate post about it) was a personality test my therapist gave me. Before giving me my results he went through all the different personalities. He had me guess which one I was and which one my ex was. He laughed because I was 100% on the money. Once he explained how our personality types tend to communicate, what we're good at/bad at, what personalities attract others...every single fight that me and my ex ever had made so much sense. Sure some dumpers have problems (My ex has abandonment issues) but sometimes we just simply don't communicate the same or are wired differently. The beauty part about it is that it doesn't mean your incompatible. Just means you have to understand more about yourself and your partner. I wish I had this knowledge like 2 months before my ex broke up with me. We'd still be together. We just needed some counseling is all (which she suggested and I turned down). Ah well, you live and you learn I guess.

[Lambert]

Love your attitude Lambert. I, myself...am not a religious man so I don't have that angle to give me comfort :( However, being grateful is definitely the right attitude to have. Life is so short. We don't belong to anyone and no one belongs to us. How amazing is it that we gave a piece of ourselves to someone and vice versa. Regardless if it didn't work out or not. We have the good memories to cherish and the bad ones to learn from.

 

One thing that helped me put things in perspective (I've been debating making a separate post about it) was a personality test my therapist gave me. Before giving me my results he went through all the different personalities. He had me guess which one I was and which one my ex was. He laughed because I was 100% on the money. Once he explained how our personality types tend to communicate, what we're good at/bad at, what personalities attract others...every single fight that me and my ex ever had made so much sense. Sure some dumpers have problems (My ex has abandonment issues) but sometimes we just simply don't communicate the same or are wired differently. The beauty part about it is that it doesn't mean your incompatible. Just means you have to understand more about yourself and your partner. I wish I had this knowledge like 2 months before my ex broke up with me. We'd still be together. We just needed some counseling is all (which she suggested and I turned down). Ah well, you live and you learn I guess.

thank you cubbybear!

 

i think my attitude is a coping mechanism! lol!

[Hopeful7]

Hey, as long as you got out there and did some exercise...nothing wrong with spoiling yourself. Go and get that pizza!

 

Yes, I play the "what if" game all the time. I have an obsessive personality so it's difficult to shut off. I do my best to focus on what they did to contribute to the failure of the relationship and what qualities I didn't like in them. I also try and picture what type of person I want to be and what life I want to create for myself...and what type of person that will attract. Hopefully someone better than the person I'm pining over. It doesn't eliminate the pain but it does help a bit.

 

I am doing everything I can to try and fight contacting her and slipping more into depression. Self-Help books, exercise, new wardrobe, new look, new furniture, spending more time with friends, therapy, writing, taking vitamins, volunteering, going to meetups, flirting on dating profiles etc. etc. None of them help me right then and there but I know combined, I'll eventually get out of my funk.

 

I am so sorry that you are feeling sad. My heart goes out to you, truly. I think of the pain I'm going through and then I see others go through the same thing and it just makes me even sadder. All of you seem like great people and don't deserve this. I have to believe that this is happening to us for a reason and it's leading us to the peace, love, and happiness we desire or deserve. Could be wrong there but I have to think that...otherwise what's the point of going on?

 

 

 

Thanks bear that means alot to me .

 

I feel bad for you too and I am sad this happening to u. But I relived u understand what I am going thru and it isn't easy .

 

I am trying everything too from supplements from Sprouts , therepy , to some drinking with friends which helped at that time but I don't want to drink all the time either because I been a social drinker only on ocassion . Sometimes I think I am scheduling my time with all my friends or family so I can't think. So today I stayed home and couldn't run away . Well my sister is here so I am not alone per say .

 

Just wish these thoughts would stop , I know u get it though . Thanks for the talk.

[Hopeful7]

@Lambert

 

when you're down to nothing, God is up to something! " I really love your quote I do believe in God and I have grown up Christian

 

 

But recently I got mad at God for letting this happen to me and questioning him . I know it sounds immature but just being honest. There are ppl with bigger problems and I am getting mad at God over heart break . But it really does hurt like nothing I felt before and it threw me into depression.

 

I wish we could zap our exes out of our mind like u said .I guess I am tired of crying and worn out.

 

I hope God is up to something for all of us .

 

You know what one of my friends told me I should write a gratitude journal and write 3 things i am greatful for that day . I did do that and it helped but I stopped the last couple days because it has been tough days .

[Hopeful7]

Btw Lambert or Bear have u either of you read the 5 love languages ?

 

My theraphist recommended that to me .

[CubbyBear]

Btw Lambert or Bear have u either of you read the 5 love languages ?

 

My theraphist recommended that to me .

 

Yes, I have. It's a great book and gives you some good insight on your love languages as well as others. It's actually a first date question for me. Ask your therapist about the Joines Personality Adaption Questionnaire (JPAQ). That's another good one that will give you plenty of insight on yourself and anyone you've had a relationship with.

 

Glad to see your getting out and doing something about your sadness. I'm like you...I try to schedule something every night of the week. But today I had nothing to do. That's why it was extra hard.

 

How are you handling alcohol? Doesn't it make it worse? If I had 2 beers or 2 glasses of wine right now, I would be more of a mess! Lol

[Hopeful7]

@bear

 

Want to something funny ,he was the one who was into drinking and stuff . And I was always let's go to club instead or hang out or go to movies or whatever .

 

 

I am more into mixed drinks when I drink. I really never like wine but there was a company event recently a wine tasting event and I went with friends from the company and so actually liked this wine in my list ,it was resling wine, it was sweet and I actually felt better and made me forget him for that time . Weird though they say alcohol is a depressant and can make depression, sadness worse .But it didn't do that But i wouldnt recommended that to anyone .

 

But I don't want to start drinking all the time or anything .

 

I will ask my theraphist about the personality adaption

 

 

So has anything helped u feel a little better at all? I hope something has .

[CubbyBear]

@bear

 

Want to something funny ,he was the one who was into drinking and stuff . And I was always let's go to club instead or hang out or go to movies or whatever .

 

 

I am more into mixed drinks when I drink. I really never like wine but there was a company event recently a wine tasting event and I went with friends from the company and so actually liked this wine in my list ,it was resling wine, it was sweet and I actually felt better and made me forget him for that time . Weird though they say alcohol is a depressant and can make depression, sadness worse .But it didn't do that But i wouldnt recommended that to anyone .

 

But I don't want to start drinking all the time or anything .

 

I will ask my theraphist about the personality adaption

 

 

So has anything helped u feel a little better at all? I hope something has .

 

Well it sounds like you know your limits so it shouldn't make you more depressed or anything. That's good!

 

At this point, nothing has made me feel better persay. The pain is constant and sharp (American Psycho Reference). But there are things that have prevented me from getting worse. I'd say #1 on the list is supportive family and friends. I really don't know what I'd do without them. When my ex kicked me out, I had no place to go. I drove 4 hours to my parents house w/ my dog. They said stay as long as you like. They supported me while i just laid in bed and cried for a week.And eventhough I'm in a new city now, they're still taking care of my dog. They also bought me a bunch of new furniture and things for my apartment because she still has everything. And it's not like I don't have the money. They just wanted to make things easier.

 

My friends have all asked what they could do for me and all of them are going out of there way to make plans with me. They understand I just need to get out and do stuff. They don't pressure me by asking about the breakup and trying to get details. They know I wear my emotions on my sleeves and it's still to painful to talk about. My good chick friend is coming over tomorrow and dragging me out. She's making me go to the furniture store and is gonna help me pick out a new living room set and then we're gonna have dinner.

 

It's stuff like that slowly helps my heart heal. Funny thing is because I moved in with my ex, I never got to see my family and friends. We lived so far away in the middle of nowhere. I haven't seen these people in months. And when the breakup happened and I moved back closer to everyone...it's like we didn't skip a beat. No one gave me crap or anything. They just said, we're glad you're back and excited we can start hanging out again. I"m telling you something...I'm never moving away from my family/friends for another girl again. The person I end up with will have to get along with these people and live close to them. They are the only reason I'm still standing right now.

 

Besides that, I'm doing all the usual cliche' breakup crap (this is not my first rodeo): Therapy, Self-Help books, got a personal trainer, new look, new wardrobe, new furniture...got rid of anything/everything that reminded me of her. Moved to a new place that's outside my comfort zone, casually talking to girls on dating apps (haven't worked up the courage to go out on dates yet but it's a nice ego boost to get so many matches), taking vitamins, I walk everywhere, I obsessively check/post on this forum, I journal, I'm looking into volunteering, finding new hobbies, looking for a new career, trying to meet new friends....I could go on forever lol.

 

Whatever I can do to occupy my mind from messaging her. Taking it minute by minute...

 

Thanks for asking. Please keep me posted on your situation and when you're going through a rough spot. Here for ya

[Hopeful7]

@bear

 

Have u tried games ? Like on you phone . My guy friend got me to try this game called clash of kings. But there are other games . It occupied me for a bit the other day . Maybe something else for u to try .

[CubbyBear]

@bear

 

Have u tried games ? Like on you phone . My guy friend got me to try this game called clash of kings. But there are other games . It occupied me for a bit the other day . Maybe something else for u to try .

 

Thanks for the idea! Yeah, I have a few games on my phone but don't play much. I used to play my fair share but my goal has been to try and stay away from my phone. I'm not kidding when I say I have an obsessive personality. If there is a reason to be on my phone...then I'm constantly wanting to check my text messages to see if she's messaged me. When I get like that, i just throw my phone across the room and walk outside for an hour or so. It's tough. When I get my actual PC back I may get into video games but we'll see how much time i have. I'm really aiming to fill up my social calendar. I hate being around people because mostly I feel embarrassed because I'm a ticking time bomb of tears. But it's the one of the big things that help fight depression and getting over breakups. No good to be sitting in your place all by yourself like I am now.

[Lambert]

@Lambert

 

when you're down to nothing, God is up to something! " I really love your quote I do believe in God and I have grown up Christian

 

 

But recently I got mad at God for letting this happen to me and questioning him . I know it sounds immature but just being honest. There are ppl with bigger problems and I am getting mad at God over heart break . But it really does hurt like nothing I felt before and it threw me into depression.

 

I wish we could zap our exes out of our mind like u said .I guess I am tired of crying and worn out.

 

I hope God is up to something for all of us .

 

You know what one of my friends told me I should write a gratitude journal and write 3 things i am greatful for that day . I did do that and it helped but I stopped the last couple days because it has been tough days .

i totally get being mad at God. we're only human. sometimes I feel like God wants me to be single! otherwise why would I keep going through all these heart breaks. i search... like what is the message!?!

 

its true once I've gotten over these past guys, I see how or why I would not be happy... but it is a lot to deal with.

 

i only have a drink here and there.... it is a depressant. i know so many people that feel depressed or have anxiety but won't give up the alcohol.... i don't understand it. my ex prides himself on never being hungover. but i did tell him - anxiety, anxiousness, messed up sleep all side effects of alcohol which he was abusing heavily when we broke up. i am sure he is still drinking...

 

i have read the love language book in the past. i might check it out again.

 

o well! onward and upward!

[Hopeful7]

i totally get being mad at God. we're only human. sometimes I feel like God wants me to be single! otherwise why would I keep going through all these heart breaks. i search... like what is the message!?!

 

its true once I've gotten over these past guys, I see how or why I would not be happy... but it is a lot to deal with.

 

i only have a drink here and there.... it is a depressant. i know so many people that feel depressed or have anxiety but won't give up the alcohol.... i don't understand it. my ex prides himself on never being hungover. but i did tell him - anxiety, anxiousness, messed up sleep all side effects of alcohol which he was abusing heavily when we broke up. i am sure he is still drinking...

 

i have read the love language book in the past. i might check it out again.

 

o well! onward and upward!

 

 

 

I am sorry u went thru 4 heart breaks . Your such a strong person. I do admire u. To be honest , My first relationship the guy cheated and I was heartbroken but not as much because he cheated and he tried to get me back but I couldn't be with a guy like that .

 

This current breakup is the worst., it almost feels like it killed me . I don't think I want to go thru this again. I wonder if love is worth it ?

 

U seem like a really kind person and u give advice without being judgemental. U really deserve a great guy in your life . I am going pray God brings him into your life soon. But I hope u still come back to give support on here even then.

[CubbyBear]

I am sorry u went thru 4 heart breaks . Your such a strong person. I do admire u. To be honest , My first relationship the guy cheated and I was heartbroken but not as much because he cheated and he tried to get me back but I couldn't be with a guy like that .

 

This current breakup is the worst., it almost feels like it killed me . I don't think I want to go thru this again. I wonder if love is worth it ?

 

U seem like a really kind person and u give advice without being judgemental. U really deserve a great guy in your life . I am going pray God brings him into your life soon. But I hope u still come back to give support on here even then.

 

Kudos to you for having the self respect to not go back to a guy who has cheated on you. It seems like such an easy concept but I know a lot of people who don't get that.

 

And "It's better to have love and lost then to have never loved at all" I really do believe that. It's hard for me to see that right now because I'm in so much agony. But in the long run...how lucky are we that we got to experience the highs and low of an entire relationship. To be that close to someone if only for a short while? When I'm my normal self and not heartbroken...i see life like a buffet line...I want to experience it all. The good and the bad....The bad gives you perspective and makes you appreciate the good that much more.

 

I remember when I was younger and I broke someones heart for the first time. I honestly didn't care at all. It never occurred to me the pain I put them through. It was only until I got my heart broken that I fully understood both sides. From there on out, I was much more careful, respectful, and honest when I broke up with someone. Death is another horrible thing. I remember witnessing my grandmas death...it was the first time I experienced anything like it. I was beside myself and couldn't comprehend this horrible thing. But after while, it made me appreciate life that much more. After that, I made a bucket list of all the things I want to do on this earth before I die. I still have it and cross things off of it to this day (And that was 20 years ago!)

 

See where I'm going? Sure it sucks right now but as long as you learn/grow from it, it's really a beautiful thing. All of this pain we're going through is going to lead us to who we're meant to be with. We'll forget about the sleepless nights, the tears, these forums....

 

At least what I tell myself anyways :)

[Hopeful7]

@Cubbybear

 

Thanks for the positive talk .

 

I seen a dream of him yesterady and got up today and cried alot . But now I have try to ok to go to work .

 

Yes I agree death is horrible. My aunt who was like a second mom to me died unexpectedly 4 years ago and that was painful . But my ex helped me thru that and that is how I got so close to him as well . Loss is in general is horrible.

 

Everyday is a struggle sometimes. Not sure why God created pain and loss .

 

 

It is good to see u can be so positive despite what ur going there. I do try too because I was a positive person before but now I struggle often .

 

 

You know that Camilla Cabello new song "never be the same "

Sometimes I feel I won't be same after him. I hope that is just the sadness talking .

 

Hope your holding up , it sounds like u are. I am here to talk to if u need to.

[Lambert]

awww guys.... you're so sweet. truth be told I'm a lover and i get my heart broken a lot.... I'm in my 40s so there has been lots of time for it. 4 times is probably a conservative number! lol

 

regardless of everything, you have a choice. you can close off, feel bitter, carry all that pain and make the bad things that happen your story.

 

or!

 

you can accept that people, including oneself make mistakes on a regular basis. And keep going!

 

I'm hurt. sure. but this too shall pass. my ex is an idiot... not because I'm so great but because all our dumpers have one thing in common:

 

they all threw away someone that cared. idk about you, but I'm holding on to those that care for me.

 

we on the other hand lost crappy people. say it with me:

 

my ex (insert name here) is a crummy person!

[Lambert]

@Cubbybear

 

Thanks for the positive talk .

 

I seen a dream of him yesterady and got up today and cried alot . But now I have try to ok to go to work .

 

Yes I agree death is horrible. My aunt who was like a second mom to me died unexpectedly 4 years ago and that was painful . But my ex helped me thru that and that is how I got so close to him as well . Loss is in general is horrible.

 

Everyday is a struggle sometimes. Not sure why God created pain and loss .

 

 

It is good to see u can be so positive despite what ur going there. I do try too because I was a positive person before but now I struggle often .

 

 

You know that Camilla Cabello new song "never be the same "

Sometimes I feel I won't be same after him. I hope that is just the sadness talking .

 

Hope your holding up , it sounds like u are. I am here to talk to if u need to.

hope- you won't be the same. you well be better! stronger! kinder! from this.

 

anyone can be great when things are going their way. but to be kind and carry on through a storm is the mark of a truly great person.

[Hopeful7]

hope- you won't be the same. you well be better! stronger! kinder! from this.

 

anyone can be great when things are going their way. but to be kind and carry on through a storm is the mark of a truly great person.

 

 

Thanks Lambert ....I do try to be good to ppl generally. I am not perfect but try to be kind , but yeah this storm is so difficult because u take pain with u wherever u go, even when I go to work or the gym or out with friends . Sometimes I wish I could just put it aside . I wish it was that easy.....but I guess I don't have to tell u since ur dealing with same.

 

Sometimes I wonder if this pain will ever end because it seems like a deep pit .

 

 

Anyways I hope ur doing ok today , I know u were struggling too the last couple days .Are u feeling better ?