Two months NC - She contacts me

[Herderp]

Two months ago my GF broke off with me. Summary is in this topic:

 

forum/showthread.php?t=549841

 

After she broke off with me i went NC right of the bat, cold turkey, acknowledging the fact that this relationship will dilute over time no matter what i would try.

Contacting her and begging for peace would most certainly not work out and what is the point for me or her. Restecp is what matters.

 

Alright so i kinda went to all the stuff everyone is talking about. Great epiphanies, bright enlightments for the sole purpose of getting back together. Overwhelmed by fear, anxiety, fals hope, anger and a whoooooole lot of contemplating, reminiscing, wondering, and not to mention the endless solo-conversations in my head with her.

 

I knew this was a phase i had to go trough and looking back i feel much more better.

 

However..

 

As soon as i knew she broke off with me, stuff went apesh*t in a matter of seconds.

Of course i wanted her back but that won't happen over night (if ever) and certainly not in a way like me, dwelling on past events, crying over all that happened. Being a grown up, i had to act fast and with full persuasion. Not to get her back, but to get myself back. To get better at everything i ever was before.

 

Took motorcycle lessons.

Bought a motorcycle.

Met old friends, family, people i care about

Dated casual

Took responsibility over my financial and administrative situation (really a mess).

Said goodbye to my apartment. (still live here but not for long)

Gettin all the documents ready (passport, visa, insurance, etc)

Basicly preppin myself for a long anticipated solo-motorcycle-trip around the world.

 

In the meantime i've also watched tons of self-help-how-to-get-your-ex-back-learn-about-the-no-contact-rule-do's-and-dont's-during-a-break-up-and-a-sh*tload-of-pron-to-fap-on-video's to learn stuff, get my head straight.

The stuff EVERY video is telling you is NEVER CONTACT YOUR EX. Then IF YOU FOLLOW CORRECTLY - she WILL contact you, d*mnit!

 

And waddayaknow.........

 

Two months of eerie silence and BOOM Message from ex.

 

Kinda weird but if you feel like it, there is a housewarming / my birthday party saturday at my place. Beer and BBQ from 6PM

 

Now i know for a bright reason there is no way of manipulating, playing games with your ex into rekindle your previous relationship. It is not fair, it will not work, it makes you look like a douche, there is no point.

I know as wel she said to me she did not want to have a relationship and i sure do not want to hang around "as friends" in a group of people where i used to hang out with, in a place where all the magic happened, in the lions den, with her, around her, knowing or at least assuming she is riding, sucking or what not, another d*ck in town, someone who is there as well.

 

Who ever has seen the movie "500 days of summer" knows that scene of "Expectaion vs Reality" and this is no joke. This movie is totally my past relationship.

 

It feels i dwell to much on this topic. I assume she does not want to reconcile, she sees me as a friend or something. I dunno.

 

I replied to her message that i was bussy and would like to meet, if she wants to, in about two weeks.

 

She replied and said she would like it, so we'll just see.

 

It gives me time to finalize my planning around my trip, but also to finalize my toughts about our relationship and see what will happen.

 

Because i was lying to myself if i did not want to rekindle, reconcile and take her in the ass while the sun is going down where two camels are watching. You know.

 

This is madness. I lived a really weird life for the past two months and glad that i am where i am now. Now this message pops up and i am confused again. We gonna meet eventually. How do i act. What to say and behave? I do really miss her and i still feel the flame and believe in the connection we shared.

 

What to do.

[Lambert]

maybe you're right to put it off....

 

sounds like you are doing well and building your confidence.

 

is this what you really want?

 

i agree with you that you can't get the old relationship back. time can heal enough to rekindle a connection. but is she giving you bread crumbs.... 2 months is not huge time for change.

 

If nothing changed you will suffer a set back.

 

I think you need to ask her why she invited you.

 

think about why you asked for a date 2 weeks later.

[Lambert]

ha SWEETS!

Idk, but I sure as hell wouldn't say you want to take her in the ass as the sun goes down with two camels watching.

 

Dude, disgusting. Who says that??

 

There's no point to meet since you're planning on being gone a year.

[Herderp]

I don't have a clue about why she asked me to join her pary. She knows damn wel i was affected. I saw her being affected as well but not that much as i was. She was just plain blunt, so maybe she is just being friendly. I dunno. I begged her to stay friends but that was in the heat of the moment. So yeah...

 

She did not asked about me. Just if i wanna join her party, two days prior to the event. I assume a whole lot of people will be there and so there is much room for distraction. But maybe she's just testing me or what ever.

 

Questions, questions...

 

I think i'm doing great but thats also because i actively let her go instead of lingering on old feelings.

Thats why i dont want to be on the party. Not that full blown confrontation with booze and drugs and what not.

Just a simple hour of convo with her on a bench would be nice, just to chat a bit, see where we are standing.

 

Knowing that i will leave. And that the feelings that slipped away maybe turn around, thrusting my motivation even further to go around the world.

Making her jealous? Maybe a part of me. I feel the temptation to rant about past events but its just showing me being a douche or something. I dont want that.

 

I want to have peace. Maybe this is the moment i can look her in her eyes and see what person she really is, without romanticizing.

 

I think two weeks is good to get chill with the idea to meet again, instead of just being ignorant and trash a party and get emotional when i see her with another guy, for instance.

[CubbyBear]

Idk, but I sure as hell wouldn't say you want to take her in the ass as the sun goes down with two camels watching.

 

Dude, disgusting. Who says that??

 

There's no point to meet since you're planning on being gone a year.

 

LOLOL! Oh the stuff I read on here. Cracks me up.

 

And Herderp, good for you, man! You're story is inspirational. I'm having a real hard time with NC. But you pulled through it and made some pretty cool goals for yourself. No easy feat, man! I congratulate you as the sun goes down with two camels watching!

[sputnik123]

Haha, am enjoying reading this thread :)

[Herderp]

LOLOL! Oh the stuff I read on here. Cracks me up.

 

And Herderp, good for you, man! You're story is inspirational. I'm having a real hard time with NC. But you pulled through it and made some pretty cool goals for yourself. No easy feat, man! I congratulate you as the sun goes down with two camels watching!

 

Thank you for your support. I think the only way to move foreward is to directly plow yourself into something new and exciting, in some sort of extreme way, if you want it or not. These times in your life are often the most profitable to develop yourself in some way. An broken heart is an open heart, man. You achieve nothing really, by dwelling in old, past events. Do you feel that energy flowing? You better put it to use, its very powerful.