I Need Advice for Summer, Breakup Pain is Inhibiting

[11moreweeks]

Life & Breakup summary: I live a truly abysmal home life where I am legally obligated to protect my grandparents from my mother / their daughter, who is extremely mentally ill and violent. Since a turn to "constant chaos" back in 2014, my quality of life is just horrendous and will only really be solved by tragedy (my brother and I have exhausted the options we've had. I feel like I should sue the state when I finally do escape for this entrapment and denied life as a consequence, but that's a different story. America sucks bad.) I was dumped by my ex-girlfriend after being with her for 8 years back in November; we were 6 or so months away from being able to live together (and thus all the strain on the relationship also being able to end), and if that went well, I was intending to propose to her. She'd left me to date someone else, but didn't reveal that until after almost 3 months during which she was leading me to believe we were going to get back together. Thus, the nature of my breakup healing is that I feel very deeply betrayed -- abandoned, lied to, and more-or-less trapped in an awful situation as a result. Since she told me she was dating someone new 4 months ago, she has reached out to me 3 times directly (roughly once every 5-6 weeks) -- I only responded with a thanks to a happy birthday text back in February, though have been no contact otherwise. I can't bring myself to block her.

 

eNotAlone: I joined this forum to seek advice on how to heal from this. At the time I made this account, I had lost about 25-30 LBs, made massive improvements in my personality and mental health, greatly improved my relationships, and was 11 weeks away from finishing my semester and getting my degree. In my mind, it was only 11 more weeks until I was in much better shape, Summer could start for fishing and biking, and I would have my degree (so I'd be able to finally escape my living situation, go to graduate school, or whatever else).

 

Current state: In mid-March, everything went terribly for me (living situation) and things really crashed down. My grades plummeted, I was doing poorly at an internship, I stopped dieting or exercising, and I started feeling awful again. While many of my improvements have stuck, I have since regained about 20 LBs (I'm about 15 LBs more than I was when I made this account) and I was unable to graduate (but I will still get my degree when I finish the coursework I had, as I was granted some Incomplete grades). The home life is horrendous and everything implies it's about to get much worse.

 

This post: The reason I've made this post is because I feel that hurting from my breakup, and the healing process, is making it harder to get done what I have to do finally escape my horrendous living situation. I would like to be able to finish my coursework in the next couple months while enjoying the Summer and getting back into a diet/exercise routine. It's hard enough to be productive and improve one's self when there's an actual chronic risk of being murdered, but fearing for my future and hurting from my breakup is making it much harder.

 

Breakup healing takes time, but every passing week makes it harder to both heal from the breakup and even have a decent life, as the situation is only getting worse over time (and will continue to do so until tragedy strikes). I don't really have time because time is not my friend in this situation. I really don't know what to do to get myself back on track. Any advice on the internal battle of not letting my breakup pain get in the way of everything that's so much more important?

[SooSad33]

I really don't know what to do to get myself back on track. Any advice on the internal battle of not letting my breakup pain get in the way of everything that's so much more important?

 

- YOU are in mourning. You're grieving and that takes time. Don't take this as a 'nothing'.. in regards to all else you've got going on.

 

Emotional turmoil going on in your mind & life at this time.

 

Not sure your age? But, that is ridiculous that it is YOU who has to take care of yourself & grandparents while your crazy mother seems to be a 'threat'. :/

 

There are such things as help for caregivers.. so they can 'get a break' for themselves every now & then. Maybe ask your family Dr about that?

 

And have you tried therapy? I feel you need ways to learn to cope best you can.. vent..etc.

We all need our time to try & remain stable.

 

And by all means.. don't think that you grieving over a loss of your relationship should sit at the bottom of everything.. when you are truly trying to deal with the 'loss' and loss is NEVER easy.. it is painful! :(.. been there.

It will take time to work on accepting and healing from this.

[11moreweeks]

I really don't know what to do to get myself back on track. Any advice on the internal battle of not letting my breakup pain get in the way of everything that's so much more important?

 

- YOU are in mourning. You're grieving and that takes time. Don't take this as a 'nothing'.. in regards to all else you've got going on.

 

Emotional turmoil going on in your mind & life at this time.

 

Not sure your age? But, that is ridiculous that it is YOU who has to take care of yourself & grandparents while your crazy mother seems to be a 'threat'. :/

 

There are such things as help for caregivers.. so they can 'get a break' for themselves every now & then. Maybe ask your family Dr about that?

 

And have you tried therapy? I feel you need ways to learn to cope best you can.. vent..etc.

We all need our time to try & remain stable.

 

And by all means.. don't think that you grieving over a loss of your relationship should sit at the bottom of everything.. when you are truly trying to deal with the 'loss' and loss is NEVER easy.. it is painful! :(.. been there.

It will take time to work on accepting and healing from this.

 

It's true, it does take time. It's tough because the longer it takes, the worse things get.

 

I'm 25. My brother is 26.

 

We do get some help with house chores, but money is a massive hindrance to that. Caring for our grandparents is pretty easy -- it's just taking care of a person. The tough part is dealing with our mother, and there are no legal solutions there.

 

I was seeing a psychologist every couple weeks from November (booked the day after the breakup, but I was searching before as the relationship falling apart was taking its toll) through March, but honestly, it didn't really do much for me. The most the therapist could tell me is that I was dealt a bad hand in life and that I did a pretty good job being my own therapist as it stood.

 

It's hard to put it at the bottom -- it's definitely a massive loss. But I can't lose everything I've worked for over it.

 

I guess what I feel I need at this point is a way to lie to myself, or to hide from my feelings of the breakup. An escape to get me to postpone breakup mourning more than I've already had to just to get into a more suitable situation.

[SooSad33]

How about a hobby? Or sport? Or just being active & getting out there.. if this is between you & your brother. As youare not alone & that helps a bit.

 

If you were able to get out & do some soccer.. or b-ball, etc. Thats physical. It's good to also take your mind off your loss.

 

Honestly.. all we can do is ride the rollercoaster of emotions- that goes with 'grieving'.

And it's okay to cry it out.. punch a pillow, etc.

 

In time, things will start to easy off, where you won't think of her as much & the feelings will lessen as time goes by.. most times.

 

Good that you've tried some therapy. I;ve gone to them for a while, on & off over last 5 yrs. Was also put on ativan and melatonin (natural) to sleep. My anxiety has been awful & affects my sleep.