Am I being selfish?

[Ravenwhite]

So it was my birthday a couple of weeks ago (quite an important birthday not just any old number) and I’m not sure if my expectations were too high or if I’m just being ungrateful?

 

Basically nothing happened, we did something a couple of days before, but it was something we do every weekend whether it be a special occasion or not. So I figured ‘well nothing happened over the weekend so maybe somethings happening on the day’

 

Bare in mind I already know there’s no cake so I make my own, no problem, I love baking.

 

The day arrives, I wake up, no happy birthday, no card, no present, no plans, yet he has taken the day off work? So I wait it out for a bit, but it’s mid afternoon and I’m still sat on the couch watching Netflix.

 

I then realise that there is no surprise gift or card or flowers or anything at all, I know we live together and see eachother everyday but is that an excuse for making no effort?

 

Am I being silly for being upset over this? I feel guilty as though I’m being horribly materialistic but even a hand written note on a piece of paper would have been something I could treasure.

How would you feel?

[Capricorn3]

I'm sorry you had such a lousy birthday.

 

Basically nothing happened, we did something a couple of days before,

 

Just to clarify ... was this in connection with your birthday? A planned outing specifically to celebrate your birthday?

[ThatwasThen]

Some people you just have to Spell.It.Out. He seems to be one of those people.

 

I'd stop having unvoiced expectations with this one. I had to literally train my boyfriend (now husband of many years) in what I expected for birthdays and Christmas. (It wasn't over the top, just acknowledgment in some small way) If I hadn't trained him through communication then he'd just assume I was like him and couldn't care less if I bought him a gift on his birthday or Christmas. His parents never made a big deal about either, really and so he learned not to make a big deal out of them as well. He's great at it now though.

 

Did you tell him you were disappointed that he didn't celebrate your special year? If not, why didn't you? Maybe you have to train him? Is he always so uninterested in celebrations?

[Ravenwhite]

Just a regular outing not connected to my birthday at all

[Ravenwhite]

I did bring it up to him and he just said that all he would want for his birthday was to spend time with me and that just makes me feel even more selfish for being upset.

It makes it worse that he does celebrate other holidays such as Christmas and has bought friends birthday presents and cards. I think it makes it worse that I’ve just moved to a different city to be with him and I don’t know many people so I got nothing at all off anyone, I may be over reacting but just a note or anything would have been nice.

[Ravenwhite]

On another note, we had discussed my birthday being important prior, he had made comments such as ‘I’ll take you away to a spa for the weekend’

Which is way above and beyond what I want but how do you go from that to not even a card?