Is it normal to keep changing perspective

[Idontevenkno]

It has been almost 3 weeks since I broke up with my ex bf.

 

After many attempts at getting him to put more in to the relationship and him declining I ended things as felt I had no choice.

 

Since then, he has said he does not want to work things out which has resulted in me acting like a crazy person and basically begging him back, telling him I was the problem not him, resulting in him now completely ignoring me since Monday.

 

I'm still really struggling to come to terms with the break up and miss him so badly at times, but then a few hours later I remember why I broke up with him and that he wasn't going to change and although it still hurts I can see it clearly...then a few hours later I'm back to feeling like if he was to message me I would take him back in a heart beat.

 

Is this normal as I feel like I'm going insane, one minute the feeling to be with him, contact him, see him is so strong that I have to use everything in me to stop myself contacting him.

 

Then a few hours later I feel ok and know this is what I had to do to be happy again.

 

I also keep deluding myself that he'll miss me eventually and come back.

 

What is wrong with me I feel like a crazy person. Is this normal?

[MissCanuck]

Yes, it's normal to have extremely mixed feelings after a break-up.

 

It's especially normal in a case like this, in which the dumper really felt they had no other option but to end it - and the dumpee went right along with it and didn't try to fight it. That's what hurts so many people in your shoes: the realization that the dumpee wanted you to end the relationship.

 

It's an emotional roller coaster that generally stabilizes over time, as you adjust to this new part of your life. Don't be too hard on yourself. You are hurting. But come back here and write it out instead, whenever you get the urge to contact him.

[Idontevenkno]

Thanks I really needed to hear that.

 

I feel so much guilt and feel like this is all my fault and keep going over everything I done thinking if I had just been more patient or done this or that it would of ended differently.

 

It didn't help that when I asked if he actually wanted the relationship to end he said no but after you gave me your reasons why I realised you were right and because you keep doing this I no longer want to try because it is too stressful for me.

[reinventmyself]

I agree. It is normal to swing drastically back and forth second guessing yourself. Consider it just like withdrawals.

You can experience withdrawals from things that are unhealthy for you as well.

 

Don't let it fool you into thinking you need to return. Just wait for it to pass . . because it always does.

The goal here is to ride it out and the allow the distance from one extreme to another starts to grow. Pretty soon, with some patience it will.

At some point you get your balance and are able to look back, reaffirming you did the right thing.

 

A friend of mine recently went through this. I offered to be her `sobriety' buddy. I told her to call me every time and anytime she felt the urge to contact her ex.

 

If you don't have a friend to help you with this, then come here instead. We've all been there so we understand.

Hang in there.

[DanZee]

Just keep reminding yourself that your boyfriend was just going through the motions. You deserve more than that. You will find someone better.

[EstuaryKid]

I agree with the other posters - it's normal to go a bit crazy in situations like this. I don't think you should be hard on yourself - I feel you should show yourself some compassion and forgiveness after what seems like a really difficult decision. As the others say, you have to ride it out and, given time, your emotions and thoughts will stabilise.

 

I myself felt (and still feel) like I was on withdrawal from love cocaine... and my mind and heart were blasted and twisted into spaghetti. However, now that some time has elapsed, I am able to look at my situation with a more balanced view, as though the fog is slowly clearing.

[catfeeder]

Normal stuff. Research 5 stages of grieving. These aren't neat and linear stages, they're a mish-mosh of aspects of each stage you'll keep cycling through until you work through your grief.

 

It helps to make a private goal of surprising everyone, including yourself, with your resilience and ability to bounce back from this. It will move your focus toward other goals and prevent too much rumination. You'll have bouts of boo-hoos with a tissue box, but then you'll move your focus onto your goals for that day instead of drilling yourself too deep.

 

Head high, you can do this.