Why is Moving On So Hard?

[sdguy118]

Sometimes I don't know what to do, other than to cry. I gradutate college in 11 days...my grandmother past away just 5 months ago, one of her wishes was to see me graduate. Not only that, but also my ex girlfriend just doens't want anything to do with me it seems like. Sometimes it just feels like the whole world is crashing down, and everyone just seems that everyone doesn't seem to care. It's so hard to move on past everything. I miss my ex-girlfriend SO MUCH!!!! I miss my grandma too. I don't know what to do sometimes. I haven't had any contact with my ex-girlfiend in a little while, it just hurts SO much everytime we talk, I figure why talk to her at all? It HURTS SO BAD! sometimes the only thing that I can do.......is simply cry to sleep. Does anyone ever feel this way besides me? or am I the only person that ever feels like this?

[angel1211]

Well my friend, unfortunately you are not the only one, fortunately we are all here to help each other. Im sure it must be hard for you right now, as it is for me. My ex left me almost 7 weeks ago. Mentally I have moved on but my heart still needs mending. I think about her, STILL, everyday but not as hard as I use to 7 weeks ago. I guess that is progress but somehow life at this point seems bland. Im at the anger stage where I am starting to hate her and I dont want to feel that way but I do. TIME is helping but it does take awhile. Give it some time my friend and stay strong for yourself.

[heloladies21]

Yeah man, if I was talking to my ex and I still had feelings for her, I'd feel like a mess all the time too. Just realize that you still have some healing to do. After school is out think about taking a vacation and get some hobbies and hang with your friends. When you're ready, you can start talking to girls again ad before you know it, you will have gotten past the worst part.

[Celadon]

Hey sdguy118, hang in there. Yeah, sometimes life hands us one bad apple after another and it gets too be pretty challenging. I'm sorry to hear about your grandmother, but you know what? I'll bet she's looking down on you from heaven and she's proud as anything that you're graduating. Really. I'm sure she knew you had it in you to graduate college, and she was right! And here you are, ready to go out into the world!

 

I know you miss her, but try to realize that your love for her is still there, and hers for you.

 

About your ex, if there's anyway you can NOT talk to her for a bit, it'll probably help you heal faster. After breakups, it's like you have an open wound and every time you see that person or talk to her, it's like ripping the bandaid off. You gotta leave the bandaid on for awhile, it's just better that way. Take care.

[smallworld]

Congratulations on your impending graduation!!! At times like these you really have to take good care of yourself. You deserve it! Turn your brain off and do all the things you've been wanting to do but your Ex talked you out of them. Eat ice cream. Play mindless video games. Watch funny movies. Buy yourself toys from the 25 cent machine. Whatever!? Just enjoy yourself and realize that you don't need her to have fun. It's the first step out of the depression hole.

 

I understand about your Grandma. I was really close to mine too and the last time we spoke, I just knew that it was going to be the last time even though she was in perfect health and spirits. What helps me is to remember the happy times we shared together and how darn lucky I was to have met and been loved by her. Do you have a photo of her or something personal she gave you that you could bring to your ceremony? Bring it. It's her big day too and I'm sure she'll be there in her own way. I'm sure wherever she is, she's very proud of you!!! 8)

[Artist]

You said you feel like no one cares and you're the only one crying yourself to sleep. I still cry myself to sleep most nights, my ex was awful, left me after 4.5 years and living together for another girl. I was so great to him, loved him with all my heart, took care of him and our house, made him food at 3-4am when he'd come home drunk (music guy) and he just broke my heart and devastated me. He said he loved me soo much on Sunday and Mon. he met someone else, a week later moved in with her, I guess he never really loved me, doesn't seem like he cares. Anyways don't worry about your ex, she doesn't deserve you. You're probably too good and she can't handle it. People here care about you, we'll be your friends and support if you need, and everyone's proud of you for graduating. So just remember to be proud of yourself, you're onto the next step in your life and the universe wanted you to have a fresh start. These hard times make us stronger, show us how to be independent. I'm a total chicken about being and doing things alone and I think i'm constatly given the same challenge, and hey it does work, I gradually become more independent. Plus I liked the idea that you should bring something of your Grandmother with you to graduation, it's a great suggestion! You can even pick something to carry with you for a while to remind you she's with you, looking down on you. When I graduated I got a necklace as a gift and wore it for months after to remind me I achieved something big, and it really helped, every morning when I put it on it made me remember to keep trying hard to reach all my goals. Take baby steps, one day at a time and soon it will be habit and you'll wake up one morning feeling great.

[UGH1607307217]

Believe me you are not alone...Its been 8 months since my ex left me for someone else. Im really sorry about your grandmother, but I feel in my heart she is looking down on you as proud as she can be.

 

Everyone says hang out with friends, find a hobby, go out, etc, etc. Yes its good advice after a break up, (we were together 5+ years) but dont force it. Just this past weekend I knew my ex was out of town with the woman he cheated on me with and I made myself go out, just to the grocery store and I stopped at a restuarant for a glass of wine and some take out. But this time it was forced, but I knew if I stayed home another minute I would lose it. Take your time, it will get easier. Im not a great example but I know that eventually I will be 100%. Do I still cry? yes Am I still hurt and angry? yes But dont lose hope for yourself. Be strong. Write to us...vent...

 

Have a great day!

[hurtwou]

no you are not alone, my ex boyfriend broke up with me and doesnt want to have anything to do with me....it does hurt so bad. i mean i didnt do anything to him to make him hate me...so why all this bulcrap you know....but I just want you to know you arent the only one who feels like this, sometimes I wonder if anyone feels like I do, but then i think to myself...everyone goes thru heartbreak, its just sonething that happens, you cant stop it no matter how hard you try, its like eating, its just something that has to happen to live.

[auburnslp]

hey, try this one on-I haven't seen my ex for 8 months, broken up for a year, and yet we got back together last week, and I spent Saturday crying because nothing has changed-how sad is that?

 

Truth is this-we felt deeply for these people-we loved completely. Didn't get that back. That is life sometimes, sadly. We can hold our heads high and say that we gave it all-and we need to realize that one day we will find another that thrills us as much, and will give that love in return. Hard to imagine now, in pain, but it is truth.

 

You are fine-just going through the natural progression of pain from letting go of something we care for and love-a natural grieving process. I was a mess-and I am a rock-solid guy normally. Took me months to feel myself again. Give yourself the time to grieve-it is ok. And you will walk through the tunnel-after some set-backs and more grief-one day you will be fine.

 

You have your life ahead of you-so many important decisions to make now that will lead you to the rest of your life. Re-focus on that. Take the focus on your ex. You sound like a fantastic person-the world is yours. Just know that you will be ok-despite what it might feel like now.

 

Know that we all here love you and care for you-it is the truth. We wish the best-and given time, that is exactly what you will receive...my best, and God bless...Michael

[mercury25]

I too am heartbroken. I just broke up with my guy on Monday of this week (but really it was he who broke up / he provoked me to break up by 2 months of being 'not really there' or 'there just enough', and then the final straw, suggesting that we date other people but see each other too). I'm in pain, but I know I'll get through it. I've been here before. Sadly, I definitely know the drill as far as having ups and downs. You just have to get thru it until all the poison is out of your heart and mind. It will be gone soon...

[Katie_xx]

wow its strange to hear all of you with your different stories to tell just like mine. but how do i manage getting over my ex when i still see him all the time, i see him at college, i see him out in town at night, i even work with the guy!and what makes matters worse i dont even want to avoid seeing him because the people i have met durin my time with him have now become some of my closest friends and 10 of us have arranged a holiday together which is comin up soon.i still want to see my friends as much as possible but i cant do this without seeing my ex. i even still get along with him when i do see him but what he doesnt see is what hurts the most - I MISS HIM like crazy, he still means so much to me and just because he no longer wants a relationship and he needs his space i just cant have him. how can i love someone so much without them even being the slightest bit interested in me? and how do these men get over relationships so quickly and so easily. im stranded in a world wrapped around him and theres no visible way out. where do i turn?

[PB]

Katie_xx

 

I work with my ex too and believe me it's not just men who "get over relationships so quickly". It's just that usually one of the persons in the relationship disengages way before the relationship actually ends. They've made a decision to "move on" even though they sometimes wait a long time to do it.

 

To the person left behind it seems like some radical shift of feeling that seems unexplainable (Yesterday, they loved me and today they've moved on, how could they change that quickly?) Well, they usually didn't change that quickly. They've usually been pondering over this for a long time--waiting for a good moment to cut the ties.

 

For awhile I tried to hang out with my ex and our mutual friends. I would have such a good time though that it would make want things to be like they used to be. Invariably after these good times, I would end up in a discussion with my ex about our relationship. Then she would say something like, "I guess I just want to have my cake and eat it too. I have this great new boyfriend and I have you as my best friend."

 

Finally, I decided that I didn't want to go through life as her "Number 2". I want to find someone who'll put me Number 1. So, be careful about trying to stay too close to your ex. If you get along well with your ex, then naturally they will love having you around as a friend. You just have to be sure you can handle the rejection that comes when you start hinting around to them that you really still like them. It's no fun to see their face frown up then like you just told them the moon is falling.