faking orgasms

[Aksinia]

I lost my virginity to my boyfriend about 8 months ago, and have been having sex with him frequently since then. It hurt really badly for the first month, and he was worried and overly careful with me... and somewhat disappointed that I wasn't really enjoying it physically (although I did enjoy it emotionally). After a month, I faked an orgasm so that he wouldn't feel like a failure, and I've faked it ever since. I feel like I'm never going to orgasm, and that I might as well keep faking it to protect his ego - but it feels so wrong to deceive him. What should I do?

[Day_Walker]

not fake an orgasm. If he doesnt know that what he is doing isnt working then it wont get any better. Its also possible that you cant orgasm through vaginal penetration. In that case oral sex or manual stimulation would be the only way you can orgasm.

[Aksinia]

Thanks for the advice, but he does try his best in bed and we've done all kinds of positions (as well as oral sex and manual stimulation.) Nothing seems to work though... I've even been to a doctor and she said that there was nothing wrong with me.

[RayKay]

I can tell you that faking it will NEVER get you there. It is not allowing you to teach him what might work...or more so, to learn what might work! It's like saying "alright, this is taking too much time, so I'll just fake it, so you can be happy and I can just get this over with".......which is not fair to either of you!

 

It is normal to take a while to reach orgasms through sexual intercourse.

 

First you need to learn what works for you...most women have their first orgasm on their OWN. And most women reach orgasm through clitoral stimulation, though some of us lucky ladies also get it through vaginal penetration using the penis or fingers (hint...the first couple inches into the vagina is most sensitive spot!).

 

Learn to touch yourself (masturbation) and what pleases you and turns you on....and show him. When you are having sex, ask him (or do it yourself) to touch and rub your clitoris, ask him to do oral stimulation which for many women is the key to getting there....do not ever underestimate the power of foreplay!

 

Most of all you need to relax....stressing about having one is a sure way to NOT have one! You need to let go basically

 

And stop faking it..sex is about mutual exploration and fulfillment, communication and honesty...you are doing both of you a disservice by faking it and not allowing yourselves to explore how to get there!

[Aksinia]

Ok... but if I stop faking it, it'll be really weird for him. I mean put yourself in his shoes: he's been having sex with his girlfriend for 8 months and she's appeared to orgasm almost every time...and all of a sudden she doesn't orgasm anymore? How will I explain it to him?

[RayKay]

Ok... but if I stop faking it, it'll be really weird for him. I mean put yourself in his shoes: he's been having sex with his girlfriend for 8 months and she's appeared to orgasm almost every time...and all of a sudden she doesn't orgasm anymore? How will I explain it to him?

 

If you can have sex with him, you should be able to talk to him and let him know that you are not having orgasms.

 

Sure he will be hurt, but you need to tell him that you are not getting there....as it is now you are not changing anything and it is not fair to him to keep faking it either.

[lovelynns]

why would you fake an orgasm? why would you want to? I personally want the orgasm. if you keep lying to him you'll never get off.

 

you're right you shouldn't just stop faking.

 

you should talk to him. If you're close enough to be having sex you should be close enough to tell him the truth. You both can experiment together until you find what stimulates you enough to O. It should be fun and bring you both even closer to one another.

 

have fun be honest.