High School Love

[Blueberry99]

So I met this guy when I was like 7. We went to the same class in primary school. After some years we went to the same class in high school and we became really good friends. We loved to laugh together, party together, talk about our shared hobbies etc. A year ago he started to hug me, hold my hand and look at me in THAT way. He was texting me a lot. He invited me to his 18th birthday party, I invited him to mine. Later we went together at New Year's Eve party and things happened. We were kissing, slow dancing, you know. We decided the day after that we're in a relationship. And it lasted like a week. I didn't push him or sth, we gave each other some space at school so it's not like we were together all the time. But yeah he texted me and said he wanted to meet up. I asked him why and it became clear but through Facebook. I told him not to give up and stuff like that and eventually he apologised and texted that he loved me. We met the same day. And he apologised once more. He was shaking and crying, an emotional disaster. I was really scared and worried about him. He said he couldn't sleep and eat. He said that I was so important to him and he always cared for me. That he didn't deserve me, that I'm too good for him and he promised himself not to hurt me anymore. He repeated that I was amazing and that he loved me. He said he had never been that honest with someone and open as he was in front of me in that moment. He said I had in front of myself a naked man and that he laid down all his weapons and armor for me. We were holding hands all the time during the walk and we kissed a few times. Back at school we tried to talk to each other but first it was too hard for him and then too hard for me. We had ups and downs. We ignored each other and isolated ourselves completely and smiled and stared and then back to avoiding. He told his best friend that he was not sure whether breaking up with me was a good decision. I found out from my friend that he blamed and hated himself for that. That he was sure I hate him so much that I will never forgive him. After almost 4 months of silence I went to him at school yesterday and ask him to dance with me at the end of the school year ceremony. And he agreed. He told me I'm really brave. I told him that I don't want to end it like that, that I don't want us to be strangers and that I want to laugh with him again. He was hugging me the whole time. But he was very anxious and stressed. He's watching me from the distance now but didn't dare to talk. We have our first dancing classes in 2 days. Is there any hope that things will get better? I still have strong feelings for him.

[Wiseman2]

Go slowly. Just enjoy the lessons and the dance. He's not ready for a relationship and that hasn't changed.

After almost 4 months of silence I went to him at school yesterday and ask him to dance with me at the end of the school year ceremony. And he agreed. We have our first dancing classes in 2 days.

[DanZee]

Well, I think your boyfriend is suffering from low self-esteem. When he told you he wasn't good enough for you, you were suppose to tell him that he was good enough and tell him that you love him. You didn't do that. His break up probably came from him fearing that you would eventually reject him, so he broke up with you because of that fear and before that could happen. Again, you didn't do anything to quell his fears. In a way, what he was doing was a test of your love and instead you just let him go, which confirmed his fears.

 

Now, I'm not putting all this on you because this comes from his own low self-esteem. And a relationship with this kind of person would be difficult if you had to constantly reassure him that you care for him. It could devolve into a form of emotional abuse where he's constantly using passive-aggressive tactics to make sure you still love him. His fear of rejection would eventually push you away.

 

But he didn't give you guys a chance at having a relationship, so if you want to try again, try to reassure him that he is good enough for you and not be afraid of you rejecting him. He needs to take a chance on a relationship. See if you can get him out of his shell.

[Blueberry99]

I did tell him that I love him. I did say that he should let me decide if he is good for me. I told him that I believed in him and I wanted to support him, whatever his struggles were...

[Blueberry99]

Well, I think your boyfriend is suffering from low self-esteem. When he told you he wasn't good enough for you, you were suppose to tell him that he was good enough and tell him that you love him. You didn't do that. His break up probably came from him fearing that you would eventually reject him, so he broke up with you because of that fear and before that could happen. Again, you didn't do anything to quell his fears. In a way, what he was doing was a test of your love and instead you just let him go, which confirmed his fears.

 

Now, I'm not putting all this on you because this comes from his own low self-esteem. And a relationship with this kind of person would be difficult if you had to constantly reassure him that you care for him. It could devolve into a form of emotional abuse where he's constantly using passive-aggressive tactics to make sure you still love him. His fear of rejection would eventually push you away.

 

But he didn't give you guys a chance at having a relationship, so if you want to try again, try to reassure him that he is good enough for you and not be afraid of you rejecting him. He needs to take a chance on a relationship. See if you can get him out of his shell.

 

 

I did tell him that I love him. I did say that he should let me decide if he is good for me. I told him that I believed in him and I wanted to support him, whatever his struggles were..and yet he pushed me away

[DanZee]

Then he may be too broken. Does he come from a dysfunctional family? Is his parents abusing him?

[MissCanuck]

I don't understand why he broke up with you after a week. What his reason?

 

In any case, I wouldn't get your hopes up too much, girl. He sounds absolutely unprepared to date you in any serious capacity.

[Blueberry99]

Then he may be too broken. Does he come from a dysfunctional family? Is his parents abusing him?

 

It's a hard stuff... He was adopted, when he was very little. His father has huge expectations towards him and is very bossy and for what I know his mother suffered/suffers from a depression. I understand that may be a reason but still I wanted to be there for him. I have no idea why he had started all this with me if he knew that wasn't a good time.