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Ghosted a woman - feeling bad


GrantMercer

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Hi, I meet a woman on tinder, it was mutually just for sex. We started chatting on whatsapp and there was a instant connection, we are both in our early 40's, separated with kids. Mine is a lot more complicated than hers though but she knows everything.

 

We plained to meet but something at my end came up so I had to cancel. We continued chatting for another week and finally decided to meet up again. We went for a drink and then we went back to her place. Now it was more that just a one night stand as we chatted about 4 hours a day everyday up until that night and continued chatting for another 2 weeks up until 3 days ago. She told me I feel like a old friend and that she is so comfortable chatting with me, she tells me everything and I feel the same way. She is also looking for a long term relationship as well as a bit of fun on the side until she finds the one. Unfortunately I don't have what she is looking for (stability) and I have a lot of complications in my life. In the mean time she had meet someone else.

 

I ended up opening up to her, telling my feelings towards her. She gave me the lowdown on why I am not suitable, she wants a cross between me and this other guy, our connection and my looks. He is older but is rich :/ ok I accept this, what can you do. Anyway we continue to chat and she asks me around to her house again for sex, this other guy knows about me. I turned her down as I am now too emotionally attached to her as it is. Friends with benefits is good but not if you want to be with that person 24/7.

 

Now a few days go by and she tells me about this other guy and how he gave her so much pleasure in bed (why would she tell me this? She knows how I feel about her). I said good for you, he has everything you need now. I told her I have a date tonight, which I did. Told her I wish it was her that I was meeting up with. Told her we shouldn't meet up in real life again. She said you are right, she said she just wants to sleep with me again but agreed she should just stick to this other guy. I replied yes bye *sad face*. Now it's been 3 days and I haven't text her. I am lost and I know she is feeling something as well as she keeps logging into WhatsApp and I know I am really the only one she chats to on there. It seems so strange after chatting for about 4 hours every night to go to zero communication. Did I make the right choice? Should I stay as a friend and see what the future holds? It's just that it feels like I have lost someone very close to me even though it has only been a month. Sorry for the novel.

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Yes, you made the right choice for you. She was up front about what she wanted and so were you but, you caught feelings. It is misleading when you can chat every day for so long because you feel like you are a value to their life and it is surprising and hurtful when you realize that the other person is not as invested as you. But, that is the reality. She has clearly stated she wants something you can't give her and you have gotten your feelings involved. Cut your ties. Tell her, if you must, that once you get in a better place you will contact her to see if she is still available and interested. But, right now the best thing for you is to focus on you.

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I think you made very good decision. She chose another guy over you, she was arrogant and childish enough to tell you about sex with the other guy too. Everything you wrote above screams toxic woman. If you continue chatting with her, it will get even more messy and complicated. Naturally you miss her after talking to her so much for this long but bottom line she chose the other guy. I also think that you should make yourself a favour and block her on whastapp. Analysing her activity on there will drive you insane. She could be talking to a next guy already.

As long as she is on your mind, you wont be able to let another women in. Cut your losses and give yourself a chance for something real.

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You didn't ghost on her because you said how you feel. She's not worth your time. She made it clear you won't have a relationship. Why have sex with someone who sees more value in someone else? I hope you find better out there.

Believe me I know it seems slim pickings but if you are patient the right woman will come along. Since you're not divorced it might be hard because some (me lol) will run from that, even if it's just a sexual thing, because feelings can develop and someone's bound to get hurt.

 

You connected and talked a lot but it really doesn't mean anything. My ex and I can talk for hours but it ain't happening lol.

I'd cut the loss here because do you really want to hear about her sexing up others? I think not. There are quality women out there. When you're ready you'll seek out better. But you need to be happy first because maybe you feel like you like her so much because you're lonely.

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You didn't ghost on her because you said how you feel. She's not worth your time. She made it clear you won't have a relationship. Why have sex with someone who sees more value in someone else? I hope you find better out there.

Believe me I know it seems slim pickings but if you are patient the right woman will come along. Since you're not divorced it might be hard because some (me lol) will run from that, even if it's just a sexual thing, because feelings can develop and someone's bound to get hurt.

 

You connected and talked a lot but it really doesn't mean anything. My ex and I can talk for hours but it ain't happening lol.

I'd cut the loss here because do you really want to hear about her sexing up others? I think not. There are quality women out there. When you're ready you'll seek out better. But you need to be happy first because maybe you feel like you like her so much because you're lonely.

 

I agree- and I would wait until well after your divorce is final -especially since it's complicated -to try to date. If you want to meet up for sex then I wouldn't choose a situation where you're likely to get overly emotionally attached and feel some obligation not to "ghost" -the arrangement should be that if either of you is interested in having sex you'll contact the other and no obligation to respond. Dating or anything like dating should wait until you're single and not still married IMO.

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You did the right thing. There's no reason to text her, she moved on. The arrangement was for sex only and she found this other guy. Block and delete her from All messaging platforms and All social media.

 

Even though you are still married, it's fine to date as long as everyone is clear on the terms. The chatting and sex seemed to provide a distraction from your divorce and that is what you miss, not her per se.

it was mutually just for sex. we are both separated with kids. We went for a drink and then we went back to her place. She is also looking for a long term relationship as well as a bit of fun on the side until she finds the one. she tells me about this other guy and how he gave her so much pleasure in bed. it's been 3 days and I haven't text her.
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