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She Cheated for 4 years with same guy and I'm crushed..

Coach nerd

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Ok my girlfriend and I been together since 2006 when we both were 25 years of age .... things were extremely great and we fell in love to the point of being inseparable..



2 years later we moved in together and I felt suffocated ...at that time I was young and I know I'm an extremely attractive guy so I quickly knew that I wasn't ready. Me being the douche that I was I began entertaining other women so rightfully my girlfriend kicked me out and we broke up for a couple months..

Thereafter I got my own apartment and she moved back with her parents..

Being that our love and desire was so strong for eachother we got back together and things were great for a couple years-she got pregnant and things still were great ..so she moved into my apartment which was tiny.



And then my son was born and again I felt crowded.. so the fighting returned.. at this time she also went through my phone and seen text messages from other women (though I never slept with anyone else)and she got physical with me and combine this with me not ready to get married so she then took my son and moved back to her parents..


***That's when everything change between us **



While we were on that break she met a guy and they began seeing eachother and that's when I opened my eyes and poured back into her. ( I asked her were she and that guy intimate but she denied they were and kept up that lie until recently...




There after we've bought a home, a vacation home , 3 cars, 2 dogs..and I think things were great between us


And then I got injured and couldn't work which made me depressed and it was then that I believe she lost respect for me.. while she had to work and put extra cash into everything I was home healing...she became more distant and cold which caused me to shut down and the affection and passion was completely gone ..



I returned to work but the passion was dead..we became roommates who got along for my son but bickered and argued when he wasn't around... for 3 years we had sex no more than 8 times.she went out all the time and I'd watch football all the timeand we completely ignored eachother.. all the while I was suspicious that she was seeing someone and dying inside.. I'd make little attempts to ignite the spark but it all went unnoticed and I held in my anger of not having sex with my woman and thinking she's having sex with another until I couldn't take it anymore so I completely shut down..



fast foward to 2016 me still trying to fix things with the woman I love-she suddenly began being more receptive to my love, we began having sex again on the regular basis and the passion returned until I accidentally stumbled on an old emailed which caused me to snoop even further..



I found out that she actually slept with the guy she met when we broke up in 2011 and kept him as a friend when we got back together even though I demanded she cut him off completely .. and when I got hurt and depressed she began sleeping with him again which made her no longer interested in sex with me.. she told him she loved him and wanted to be with him and he told her he loved her and to leave me. they went to countless shows and dinners, he's bought her gifts, they had unprotected vaginal and anal sex on the regular basis .. she gave him oral and swallowed his semen everywhere from his home, in his car on the side of the road and he even has videos of her doing unthinkable things. ..that she only did with me before hand.. she even brought my son around him once..and he even picked her up from my house when I wasn't home..she was in a relationship and it wasn't with me.. by the time I found out the relationship was over for about 2 years.. they had a huge fallen out and she completely cut him off because of guilt.. and them arguing while not even being official...but my world still fell apart.. I cried for 2 days before confronting her .. and she cried and told me she made a mistake that spiraled .. she is now jumping through hoops so she doesn't lose me.. I'm trying to move past this but the constant sexual images in my head is making this so hard... not to mention she physically chose him over me for 3 years and it was only after they broke up that the spark between us was hot again... PLEASE HELP .. what to do? .. I love this woman .. she's my first and only love and the mother of my child.. so I know most people will say just leave but it's not that easy.. not to mention all the joint legal things we have..But my heart is broken in 1000 pieces

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You don't want to leave one another and you have a child. Why don't you go to marriage therapy before you make any decisions and see if you can learn to trust her and if you are capable of getting over the betrayal? You cheated on her, she cheated on you. Go see someone and see if you can wipe out the past and learn to respect romantic relationship boundaries and learn how to communicate when either of you are feeling your not being valued.


You'll at least then know you tried everything before you sever your family and split up everything you've both worked for in the last several years.


To stay together without marital counseling is you both just wasting your time.

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Sir, people took the time to give you some pretty decent feedback when you posted about this in November but you never responded to that thread. What action have you taken since then to address this issue? Did you read it? Infidelity is difficult to overcome. In many cases you can't just sit by and hope time alone fixes things. What is your plan of action to resolve your pain?

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  • 1 month later...

You sound very confused. You played around on her, pushed her away again and again.... yet you are demanding fidelity and security from her.


Relationships are not about what you get from someone.

They are about what you share with someone, what you give to them.

I suggest you stop fixating on her, and work on yourself instead. You’re worth it.

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