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Jealous/envious of husbands ex


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So, me and my husband have been together for 7 years, married for almost 2 years. He was with another woman for 4 years and we started dating a couple weeks after they broke up. We knew each other while he was with the other woman and always secretly had a crush on one another but never acted on it because he was with her and he’s a faithful person and I would also never pursue a man that is taken. I am OBSESSED with his ex. I have literally been stalking her on social media for like 8 years. Most of my husbands family did not care for this girl at all, but his sister suddenly wanted to be this girl’s friend after her and my husband broke up. The girl lives 4 hours away and although the sister has not seen her in years she is always commenting on every picture the ex posts and she sent her gifts for her baby and then made it a point to text me and tell me that she sent this girl gifts for her baby (knowing that it would hurt my feelings because I’ve been trying to get pregnant for a long time). Then the ex posted pictures of her baby wearing the gifts and tagged my sister in law. I found it to be very embarrassing because I feel like on social media it looks like she likes the ex more than me. I also hate that my husband probably sees this stuff on Facebook. I’m so envious of this girl. She’s more successful than me. I’m just an underpaid teacher and she makes close to six figures. She’s blonde. I’m brunette. She’s physically fit and perfect. I like wine and pasta. She has big fake boobs. I don’t. She’s beautiful. I’m maybe a solid 7 with makeup. She comes from an amazing family. I basically have no family. I just feel so inferior to her. I think all the time that my husband probably misses her or regrets leaving her. How could he love me more than her? She’s perfect. I’ve told him before how I felt and he thinks it’s crazy. Every time I somewhat forget about her, my husband’s sister brings her up. I know they will never be together because she is married with a baby. But I hate thinking that my husband would have been better off with her. I can’t possibly give him what she could. How do I stop this madness? I don’t want to feel like this anymore 😪

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Your stalking and obsession is likely a manifestation of your great insecurities. You are comparing yourself to this woman and saying you come up short in every regard. What you say you like about her is all surface... but who is she on the inside? There is a reason they aren't together. There is a reason he is with you. What is it about your relationship that makes you feel insecure? What is it about your past that created these insecurities?


Would agree that outside help is needed here. Stalking and obsession are very unhealthy behaviors, and will end up driving your partner away if you don't do something about them.

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I have not. I went to therapy for a little while for my anxiety and depression but never addressed this issue. I’ve thought about it though.


This could be related to your anxiety, and not a self esteem issue at all. I strongly suggest talking to a professional. The process of describing the problem out loud to another person is extremely helpful, because it allows you to to put things into perspective for yourself. Sometimes what seems like a huge problem turns out to be very, very manageable. You just have to push past the initial embarrassment that you feel and let it all out.

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