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I am bored and sad in my marriage


MidlandsWoman

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I am a 50+ woman, married to a slightly younger man for nearly 10 years. He is a nice man, friendly towards my family and friends who all like him. But he does not show any affection towards me and we have not had a sexual relationship for over 3 years - even when we did it was not great. I have tried to talk to him about it, have made advances, even told our GP that I thought he might be depressed to no avail. He does not have "opinions" on lots of topics and when he does have an opinion or interest in a topic goes into a monologue and gets angry if I try to interject with a comment of my own. He is very moody and when he gets angry won't try to talk it out and goes into a funk. He never apologises for any wrongs.

 

He puts his mother's needs before mine all the time e.g. when we were trying for a baby we attended a consultation on my birthday and rather than bringing me for lunch he left me at home and went off to bring his mother somewhere (she was quite capable of getting herself where she needed to go and he has four other siblings). And he gets angry if I try to talk about important issues - sex, our relationship, plans for the future. I have asked him to go for couple counselling but he refuses. I'm beginning to find him boring and feel angry and frustrated with him, but I love him even if I'm not in love with him anymore. Any advice?

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Well, in the old days they use to say go have an affair. It sounds like to me he's shut down completely. It could be depression or some other kind of problem. But you don't have a marriage anymore. You should probably file for a no fault divorce if it's available in your area and just split up.

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I wouldn't rule out the possibility that you might be depressed. If your conversations with him are all about there is something wrong with him that needs to be fixed then I'm not surprised he feels that you are pushing him away. I'm assuming he doesn't get that with his mother when he is with her. Couples counselling may help.in some cases but I'm not generally a big fan of it. I would consider counselling for yourself if you can afford it.

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