cMarch Posted March 17, 2018 Share Posted March 17, 2018 It all started January 19, 2018 when I told my ex boyfriend that I needed time to myself to think about what I wanted in life. He told me that he didn't want to do that and if I did then things won't be the same anymore, I ignored what he said and continued on with time for myself (But have still contacted him throughout the process). February 4th is when I decided I should get back with him, he told me that he now wants time to himself for at least a year. I know it was bad for me, but I kept constantly texting and begging him to come back (He responded once every few hours or days). I contacted him last night saying to meet me on my birthday to at least make my day much better, but he rejected. I told him to either call me or see me for my birthday, he called like 5 minutes after and talked for 2 minutes. He seemed really annoyed and didn't want to talk while I tried everything to make the phone call longer (Didn't work, we both hung up). While we talked on the phone he told me to leave him alone and to stop messaging him. I sent him a text message an hour later "I'm sorry for my crazy behavior and constantly trying to get you back. After the call we had I just realized how needy and desperate that makes me look and I'd dislike for you to start hating me because of it. Yes, we've been together for 3 years and just suddenly breaking up with you has caused me to go down in chaos thinking you'd get back into a relationship so I kept trying to get you back before that happened, but then I thought more about it and I know you'd never do anything like that. You're a great guy for handling my craziness lol. I'd be glad to stay friends. Promise you that I won't go crazy like that again. Have a good night or day whenever you're reading this" He replied 2 minutes later with "Thanks for understanding. Goodnight" After I sent that text message I decided to start no contact for at least a month. We've been together for 3 years and I'm just wondering how someone who was madly in love with me 2 months ago can go from being so attached to me to not having any feelings at all? Did he really just stop all his feelings and is there a way to get him back? Does the no contact thing really work with situations like this? If so, how much time should I give it? Thanks. Link to comment
SweetGirl28 Posted March 17, 2018 Share Posted March 17, 2018 He threw up a wall protecting himself, so I'm wondering what else happened in this relationship that caused the coldness, other than you wanting to take a break which he initially didn't want. Don't ever break up with someone unless you really mean it and understand the chance of getting back with them is small. Just leave him alone now. Respect his wishes. nC is not to try to win the ex back, it's for you to heal. But it's possible with NC he may miss you and contact you, but again after time passes, feelings fade, attraction fades, and usually don't end up back together anyway. Link to comment
cMarch Posted March 17, 2018 Author Share Posted March 17, 2018 Last thing I remember after the first day of our break up is him saying "I don't wanna get used to not seeing you". He has told me before that as time passes then there may be a chance of getting back together so he did give me hope and now I'm thinking that's false hope to rely on. Link to comment
SweetGirl28 Posted March 17, 2018 Share Posted March 17, 2018 From what you've said, it is now definitely sounding like false hope, so just leave him be and heal, and move on. If ever he changes his mind, he knows how to reach you. And maybe by then you won't even want him anymore. I went through the same in the past few months. I tried breaking up with him because I felt him pulling away. I knew things were building inside of him, that wasn't even me, it was outside influences and his own issues. He said not to give up, and then boom! He dumped me. I tried, then I gave up. 2 1/2 months later he contacted me. It's been 3 1/2 months with contact, but honestly I'm not trying to be with him, neither is he. Only fwb , which I don't want to do. There's other people in this world. Getting over a break up is so very hard, but it is is possible, and will happen. I hope you find the strength to resist contact . Delete his number so it's not easy to reach out to him. Link to comment
11moreweeks Posted March 18, 2018 Share Posted March 18, 2018 As the dumper, I'd think that most would expect reconciliation to be pushed for by you. Your ex did nothing to terminate commitment or suggest that a relationship wasn't wanted -- you did. He is probably trying to protect his own heart from you. It's probably not that he doesn't have any feelings at all, but rather, he's probably just put up walls for his emotions to avoid hurting from you again. How tough his walls are depends on the quality of the relationship, the breakup, and everything that happens going forward which lies largely out of your control. If you just plain lose him because of your decision to breakup while confused, then that may just be what ends up happening. No contact is a wild card with regards to what it does between you two -- he may strengthen his walls, he may let them down, he may fully move on, he may seek a new person, and your feelings could change yourself. No contact is about personal healing and refurbishing your own life, as well as perhaps for clarity in some situations. Hoping that it gets him to miss you, or waiting while under no contact for him to come back, is just not what no contact is about nor what it does. Your ex's behavior sounds a bit like what I'd imagine I'd do if my ex was trying to get back together with me.. I've built massive walls around my heart, and to be blunt, I'm very afraid of interaction with my ex. I'd probably respond to her with a partial motivation in my mind of "testing the waters" to see if it'd be worth trying a new relationship with her again. I sometimes imagine a scenario where my ex is really trying to get me back, and I really like imagining that. It's not because I want to be sought after, want to see her suffer, or want any other ego boost like that. It's because I really enjoyed and valued the relationship and wish the breakup could be undone, but I am very hurt and afraid of being hurt again, so I'd have to be "won over"/convinced to try again. I'd have to be shown the commitment that my ex showed she didn't have by breaking up with me in the first place. I'm a pretty forthright person, though, and I could never see myself playing with someone's heart or stringing them along in this scenario without exclusivity, and I am not your ex, so your circumstance could be anything. If it were a circumstance like what I imagine it would be for me if this fantasy of mine came true, then the chasing dumper would probably spend a lot of the time hurting and unhappy, it'd be a painful process and it would decrease investment in even being with the ex again over time. The desire to reconcile would have to be so sincere and so deep that it'd be worth the process, and knowing it came from such a place is not an easy thing to know. Link to comment
cMarch Posted July 12, 2018 Author Share Posted July 12, 2018 It all started January 19, 2018 when I told my ex boyfriend that I needed time to myself to think about what I wanted in life. He told me that he didn't want to do that and if I did then things won't be the same anymore, I ignored what he said and continued on with time for myself (But have still contacted him throughout the process). February 4th is when I decided I should get back with him, he told me that he now wants time to himself for at least a year. I know it was bad for me, but I kept constantly texting and begging him to come back (He responded once every few hours or days). I contacted him last night saying to meet me on my birthday to at least make my day much better, but he rejected. I told him to either call me or see me for my birthday, he called like 5 minutes after and talked for 2 minutes. He seemed really annoyed and didn't want to talk while I tried everything to make the phone call longer (Didn't work, we both hung up). While we talked on the phone he told me to leave him alone and to stop messaging him. I sent him a text message an hour later "I'm sorry for my crazy behavior and constantly trying to get you back. After the call we had I just realized how needy and desperate that makes me look and I'd dislike for you to start hating me because of it. Yes, we've been together for 3 years and just suddenly breaking up with you has caused me to go down in chaos thinking you'd get back into a relationship so I kept trying to get you back before that happened, but then I thought more about it and I know you'd never do anything like that. You're a great guy for handling my craziness lol. I'd be glad to stay friends. Promise you that I won't go crazy like that again. Have a good night or day whenever you're reading this" He replied 2 minutes later with "Thanks for understanding. Goodnight" After I sent that text message I decided to start no contact for at least a month. We've been together for 3 years and I'm just wondering how someone who was madly in love with me 2 months ago can go from being so attached to me to not having any feelings at all? Did he really just stop all his feelings and is there a way to get him back? Does the no contact thing really work with situations like this? If so, how much time should I give it? Thanks. UPDATE We got back together on my birthday which is like a 8 days after posting this thread and moved in together first week of April. Living together with him just made me realize all the differences we had and that it was best to breakup, but now it seems like I'm stuck with him for good (Which I don't want at this point). Link to comment
GettingThere89 Posted July 13, 2018 Share Posted July 13, 2018 UPDATE We got back together on my birthday which is like a 8 days after posting this thread and moved in together first week of April. Living together with him just made me realize all the differences we had and that it was best to breakup, but now it seems like I'm stuck with him for good (Which I don't want at this point). It would be unfair to both of you if you continue the relationship while thinking this way. Link to comment
cMarch Posted July 13, 2018 Author Share Posted July 13, 2018 OH wow! So, now what? I really have no clue what to do at this point... Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted July 13, 2018 Share Posted July 13, 2018 Why suffer. Start looking for places and someone to replace you. Give 30 days notice and the option that he find another roommate himself and move out. Even married people are not "stuck for good", that is you choice. moved in together first week of April. Living together with him just made me realize all the differences we had and that it was best to breakup, but now it seems like I'm stuck with him for good Link to comment
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