This dating thing is very annoying

[Newtoothis]

So I posted last week about a guy I had met on pof. How it was going great after 4 dates then things changed and although he was still in contact with me everyday it wasn’t quite the same.

 

So last night I asked if he wanted to do something when he’s next free/got the time. I had waited 2-3 weeks to see if he suggested doing anything and he hasn’t so thought sod it at least I will find out one way or another if I am wasting my time. It will go one way or another. I will either not get a response or I will get a message later but he won’t answer my question and protend I haven’t asked.

 

I should of known really from the start when he told me his longest relationship hadn’t gone past 6 months (he’s 39). I’m not a demanding person by any means but I do want more than a pen pal.

 

If I don’t get some kind of response to my question I think I’m going to give up on this one. It would be a shame as we have been talking for 3 months but at the beginning it was ‘we can do this and that’ there was some enthusiasm there but now nothing really, I just don’t understand why he’s still bothering if he can’t be bothered.

[Wiseman2]

Hopefully you are meeting others and on some more dating apps. There is too much talking and very few dates. Meet asap and do not chat for 12 weeks when there has only been 4 dates. Cut time wasters like this one out asap. Don't bother pursuing people who have very low interest in seeing you in person.

a guy I had met on pof. How it was going great after 4 dates It would be a shame as we have been talking for 3 months but at the beginning it was ‘we can do this and that’ there was some enthusiasm there but now nothing

[Newtoothis]

Hopefully you are meeting others and on some more dating apps. There is too much talking and very few dates. Meet asap and do not chat for 12 weeks when there has only been 4 dates. Cut time wasters like this one out asap. Don't bother pursuing people who have very low interest in seeing you in person.

 

I was chatting to two more however stopped talking to one guy as we wanted different things. Will see what happens with the other.

 

But why would someone want to just text? I don’t get it at all.

[SweetGirl28]

Maybe he's seeing someone else but still communicates with you to keep you as an option.

If he doesn't give a reply with plans made, I'd give up on him. Honestly, I wouldn't bother to begin with because

anyone that age that has their longest relationship being 6 months has something that isn't right within them.

I don't think it's good you try to be the one to see if you can go the longer distance with him. Men that are interested

want to hang out IRL, not just text. Good luck, dating is a challenge and gets frustrating but you'll find the right one

hopefully :)

[Keyman]

Has he arranged all of those first 4 dates? If he has, is he still in contact and waiting for you to show some interested in taking him out?

[SweetGirl28]

But why would someone want to just text? I don’t get it at all.

 

^^^^^^^^^^^ Boredom girl! Or maybe you're a good ego stroker :)

[Newtoothis]

Sweet girl, he could may well be, although he does work a lot and does a mixture of days and nights. He contacts me more when he’s not on shift as he has quite a busy job. I did get a reply about asking him out. But it was more he’s working nights, then going home for a week then when he’s back he’s on nights again, he had told me this a couple of weeks ago but I forgot. He hasn’t said when he’s free though. Ego buster I’m not sure, he has started going to the gym everyday without fail after he met me 😂

 

 

Kayman. He arranged the first 3 I arranged the 4th. Also if it makes a difference we have both taken it it turns paying.

[SweetGirl28]

One thing I guarantee you, is that a guy who is interested will make time. Even the busiest of people find a chance to get together if they want to see you. It's your life, keep talking if you want, but meet others and go out also.

[Wiseman2]

It seems his rare dates in 3 mos. are being overlooked as the glaring red flag in favor of hoping random texts means he's interested. It doesn't matter why he texts, what matters is the very infrequent dates and his fading out. Pursue the guys who show interest.

I was chatting to two more however stopped talking to one guy as we wanted different things. Will see what happens with the other.

[Zippy2000]

I hate Pof. However Im still on the site as its strangely addictive. Its because you have the possibility of meeting someone from there. Four dates is quite a few dates but how long ago was your last date? How lomg have you been texting since your last date?

 

People on Pof come and go so easily and you`ll find it things dont go anywhere they are back on the site again. You have to develop a thick sking becuase it you dont. Peoples behaviours make you feel cheap and like a material possession by being dumped while they go back looking for someone else. If you want to find out what this guy wants then tne next time when you are face to face as him "what are you looking for"? Gauge his reaction to tell if he is lying about wanting a relationship.

 

See what his actions are like and if he says he`ll text you. Check to see if his words matches with his actions. Only time will tell.

[Newtoothis]

I hate Pof. However Im still on the site as its strangely addictive. Its because you have the possibility of meeting someone from there. Four dates is quite a few dates but how long ago was your last date? How lomg have you been texting since your last date?

 

People on Pof come and go so easily and you`ll find it things dont go anywhere they are back on the site again. You have to develop a thick sking becuase it you dont. Peoples behaviours make you feel cheap and like a material possession by being dumped while they go back looking for someone else. If you want to find out what this guy wants then tne next time when you are face to face as him "what are you looking for"? Gauge his reaction to tell if he is lying about wanting a relationship.

 

See what his actions are like and if he says he`ll text you. Check to see if his words matches with his actions. Only time will tell.

 

Last date was almost 3 weeks ago. He text me on the night thanking me for a good evening and said he was looking forward to going out again. Texts everyday. I know he’s unhappy in his job but he still has 3 years left so I don’t know if that’s playing a part in it. If we do go out again I will ask him what he’s wanting

[Wiseman2]

What type of stuff does he text? Don't be his sounding board for his gripes. Either he asks you out or you move on. Texting is not dating, no less a relationship.

Last date was almost 3 weeks ago. Texts everyday. I know he’s unhappy in his job but he still has 3 years left so I don’t know if that’s playing a part in it.

[Newtoothis]

What type of stuff does he text? Don't be his sounding board for his gripes. Either he asks you out or you move on. Texting is not dating, no less a relationship.

 

Just everyday life stuff for example, what he’s up too, asking what I’m up too, the occasional moan about work.

He texts me roughly 6 times a day

[Wiseman2]

Don't allow this type of text tethering from someone who hasn't asked you out in 3 weeks. You could be communicating with guys who are more interested in dating and seeing you rather than griping about work. It seems he's friendzoned you and is dating other women. Next time he texts simply ask, when are we going to get together?

Just everyday life stuff for example, what he’s up too, asking what I’m up too, the occasional moan about work. He texts me roughly 6 times a day

[Newtoothis]

Don't allow this type of text tethering from someone who hasn't asked you out in 3 weeks. You could be communicating with guys who are more interested in dating and seeing you rather than griping about work. It seems he's friendzoned you and is dating other women. Next time he texts simply ask, when are we going to get together?

 

I might give it one more week then cut my losses, I mean even if he wanted to see me he couldn’t. I’m working days and he’s on nights at the moment. I did notice on date 3 and four that I am (and I may not word this quite right) I have a more dominant personality than him. That could be off putting. I have learnt a lot though from this experience, the biggest one is don’t have sex on the 3rd date and maybe not be so honest about everything so soon

[Hollyj]

You've only had 4 dates in 3 months? You need to let this one go. He is not interested, or involved with another.

[Newtoothis]

You've only had 4 dates in 3 months? You need to let this one go. He is not interested, or involved with another.

 

Your right I see it now. So do I send a sorry this just isn’t working for me text?

[Hollyj]

Your right I see it now. So do I send a sorry this just isn’t working for me text?

 

I guess you could. Then block and delete him

[Last Gentleman]

Maybe he's seeing someone else but still communicates with you to keep you as an option.

If he doesn't give a reply with plans made, I'd give up on him. Honestly, I wouldn't bother to begin with because

anyone that age that has their longest relationship being 6 months has something that isn't right within them.

I don't think it's good you try to be the one to see if you can go the longer distance with him. Men that are interested

want to hang out IRL, not just text. Good luck, dating is a challenge and gets frustrating but you'll find the right one

hopefully :)

 

This again really !!! I'm sorry but I know fantastic men that did humanitarian work, or were committed to a sport for years and these people just didn't have

women dating them for long because they kind of were a challenge, does that make these people dysfunctional or bad no it doesn't, your one size fits all

judgment however speaks of itself sorry, there are circumstances in everyone's lives.

Let me remind you especially to women, that men have to ask for your number then ask you on dates and escalate, extremely few women ask men on dates

or do the first step, so can we please stop with this "he didn't date long enough nonsense", because if guys would stop asking you ladies on dates, maybe just

maybe that could happen to you as well, I will never consider a woman just by her relationship length this is so reductive...

 

Now to OP a guy planned 3 dates for you and still coming to a fourth with you, seems like good investment on his part and you do say he has a tricky work

schedule, so what is it that you want more ? Maybe he's not a crazy serial dater that jumps on a woman after 4 dates, you should actually find this a good

thing, not all men are fast. Now if there is no excitement that's another thing and you should just let him go.

[SweetGirl28]

This again really !!! I'm sorry but I know fantastic men that did humanitarian work, or were committed to a sport for years and these people just didn't have

women dating them for long because they kind of were a challenge, does that make these people dysfunctional or bad no it doesn't, your one size fits all

judgment however speaks of itself sorry, there are circumstances in everyone's lives.

Let me remind you especially to women, that men have to ask for your number then ask you on dates and escalate, extremely few women ask men on dates

or do the first step, so can we please stop with this "he didn't date long enough nonsense", because if guys would stop asking you ladies on dates, maybe just

maybe that could happen to you as well, I will never consider a woman just by her relationship length this is so reductive...

 

Now to OP a guy planned 3 dates for you and still coming to a fourth with you, seems like good investment on his part and you do say he has a tricky work

schedule, so what is it that you want more ? Maybe he's not a crazy serial dater that jumps on a woman after 4 dates, you should actually find this a good

thing, not all men are fast. Now if there is no excitement that's another thing and you should just let him go.

 

What's in your drinking water there? You like to be on the defense a lot lol

I'm just voicing my opinion. Even the busiest or sometimes absent people are able to maintain relationships.

What about men , or women for that matter, that go away that are in the service , and leave their SO behind.

Do they end the relationship? No. They wait until they return home. So therefore, I'm sticking with what I said----

and in general anyone who is unable to maintain a LTR at least once in their lives, something isn't right. The answer isn't always to end a relationship, people actually can work through issues and distance if they are committed to one another .

[Wiseman2]

Yes. He's wasting your time with 6 texts a day groaning about his work, etc. After 3 mos of this and only 4 dates, it would be best to cut your losses. This way you could free yourself to focus on guys with a compatible schedule and who have the time to date. He sounds like a loser.

So do I send a sorry this just isn’t working for me text?

[Last Gentleman]

What's in your drinking water there? You like to be on the defense a lot lol

I'm just voicing my opinion. Even the busiest or sometimes absent people are able to maintain relationships.

What about men , or women for that matter, that go away that are in the service , and leave their SO behind.

Do they end the relationship? No. They wait until they return home. So therefore, I'm sticking with what I said----

and in general anyone who is unable to maintain a LTR at least once in their lives, something isn't right. The answer isn't always to end a relationship, people actually can work through issues and distance if they are committed to one another .

 

I'm not from English mother tongue but I'm not sure what my water has to do with it here...

I didn't talk about maintaining relationships I talked about not having them, so not having them or a few hardly give you opportunity to have a LTR,

for a lot of people it's a number's game.

 

You can label me defensive, I'm just fed up of this hypocrisy that I talked about and you didn't even address in your reply, that the social structure

is still men doing the courting 98% of the time and women choosing who qualifies, so do you think men that are extremely busy and don't take time

to court women get dates from nowhere ? I can speak of personal experience here, I traveled the globe for 6 years being in customer service, my job

fed up many Swiss women who left me just because of that, still I'm not judging them broken or something, it was difficult to find time together but

that was my job and I loved it.

 

Well you know what, during those 6 years 2 women made the first step and that was in Holland, where women are known to be very open with making

advances, I don't think I need to ask you in 6 years how many men did the first step for you to realize there is a major imbalance, so judging a man simply

by those facts are maybe not so good, I'm sure you wouldn't like the opposite.

After leaving this job I had a almost 2 year relationship, so I'm not even in this category, but I think you should not judge people as simply as this and

like you this is only my opinion, not better or worse than yours just different.

 

Sorry for derailing the subject a bit !

[Newtoothis]

I'm not from English mother tongue but I'm not sure what my water has to do with it here...

I didn't talk about maintaining relationships I talked about not having them, so not having them or a few hardly give you opportunity to have a LTR,

for a lot of people it's a number's game.

 

You can label me defensive, I'm just fed up of this hypocrisy that I talked about and you didn't even address in your reply, that the social structure

is still men doing the courting 98% of the time and women choosing who qualifies, so do you think men that are extremely busy and don't take time

to court women get dates from nowhere ? I can speak of personal experience here, I traveled the globe for 6 years being in customer service, my job

fed up many Swiss women who left me just because of that, still I'm not judging them broken or something, it was difficult to find time together but

that was my job and I loved it.

 

Well you know what, during those 6 years 2 women made the first step and that was in Holland, where women are known to be very open with making

advances, I don't think I need to ask you in 6 years how many men did the first step for you to realize there is a major imbalance, so judging a man simply

by those facts are maybe not so good, I'm sure you wouldn't like the opposite.

After leaving this job I had a almost 2 year relationship, so I'm not even in this category, but I think you should not judge people as simply as this and

like you this is only my opinion, not better or worse than yours just different.

 

Sorry for derailing the subject a bit !

 

The fact that he hasn’t had a LTR doesn’t bother me, it also doesn’t bother me if I’m the one having to take the lead. I was warned that dating someone in the army can be hard but I’m ok with that, I’m all for giving people a chance. I don’t want to rush and cut him out of my life to soon as I do like him and I believe he likes me. He has told me things in person that even I wouldnt repeat as it’s quite embracing, but I don’t judge.

 

I’m not one to get attached easily, it takes a lot and quite a bit of time. What I don’t like is not knowing whats going on, I’m happy to take things slow if that’s what’s wanted or a simple ‘your not my type’ is also ok by me. I said right from the get go what I was looking for and what I wanted so he knows. It just feels to me that things got a little too comfortable too quickly. Is that a bad thing?

[Last Gentleman]

The fact that he hasn’t had a LTR doesn’t bother me, it also doesn’t bother me if I’m the one having to take the lead. I was warned that dating someone in the army can be hard but I’m ok with that, I’m all for giving people a chance. I don’t want to rush and cut him out of my life to soon as I do like him and I believe he likes me. He has told me things in person that even I wouldnt repeat as it’s quite embracing, but I don’t judge.

 

I’m not one to get attached easily, it takes a lot and quite a bit of time. What I don’t like is not knowing whats going on, I’m happy to take things slow if that’s what’s wanted or a simple ‘your not my type’ is also ok by me. I said right from the get go what I was looking for and what I wanted so he knows. It just feels to me that things got a little too comfortable too quickly. Is that a bad thing?

 

You seem to know yourself well, that is great and as long as you are fine with what he does and he doesn't try to use you just for attention, you do as you please, it's your life.

 

I was just saying how I see many women, discarding men on fickle notions to me, it's your right to do so sure, but then be real and face the fact you're making meeting someone good less easy, because shocker no one is perfect and some great people had s*** storms in their lives.

 

But you say you're into giving people a chance, this will get you farther in life, just lay down good boundaries.

[Wiseman2]

Yes, it's a bad thing. It means that after having sex on the 3rd date you are trying to backpedal and build a relationship out of this through texting only for weeks on end.

It just feels to me that things got a little too comfortable too quickly. Is that a bad thing?