My GF says she needs time to think

[lostworrior]

Hi Guys,

Last 1.5 months is kind of on and off between me and my GF. First she started saying she isn't interested in relationship any more but we can be great friends like we used to be. Then after few back and forth talk she said she wanted to give it a try again. We went out for a trip and she behaved very odd. She was really turned on but she kind of gave up after some time but she was okay to kiss , hug and even sit nude next to me.

 

Once we returned back i asked her how she feels now, she said she is not sure of YES or NO. Week later a complete you turn and came back to me saying that she is completely done with me and there is no way we can ever get back.

 

Week later she visited me and she behaved as if she isn't really interested me at all. She kind of cried when i kissed her but was all fine after some time. I didn't touch her any where but continued kissing and hugging her for which she didn't oppose.

 

After lot of talk she again asked for 2 months time to decide. I kind of feel very irritated that she has taken me for granted but I do love her alot so i kind of agreed to it with the pretext that she needs some time to think over.

 

Any advice here guys? I am kind of confused if this is mind game she playing to make me look weaker or genuine problem with her. I am not sure.

 

What should be my actions in response to this?

 

PS: She doesn't want to stop talking. I told her that i don't want to talk if we aren't in relationship. She starts crying for the same.

[Toomanysecrets]

I am a bit of a mess right now because I have just been dumped by my now ex, who was always my best friend, and I'm struggling to pull through. I really hope you take this advice that i am about to give. My ex was an amazing guy, he really respected me, he loved me, he was adoring, everything you could want. But he had a problem- commitment issues. Every 2/3 months, he would have a moment when he would go 'we need a break, I'm not sure i can do this', would last 2 days, and then would come crawling back, more loving then ever, truly believing himself that this time he could do this. he even bought me tickets to Rome to make up for it- extravagant, i know. But i won't be going to Rome now, because he has broken it off for good, for real. Its been 2 months and the cyclical nature of the relationship he created with me has me still in denial, waiting for him to come back. but deep down, i know this time that he won't. we haven't talked for 2 months, and i still love him desperately, and he has confessed he doesn't even love me anymore. he changed overnight. When i look back, i know the i got the sign that should of been enough to call the whole thing off, and it was in month2, when he suddenly announced he wasn't sure, and blocked me on everything, only to cave in 2 days later.

 

When a person enters into a relationship, its almost like a contract with no set time. when you read a contract however, theres often a hidden statement. for instance "i will love you, care for you and be your best friend, but every few months i will have a moment and you want even realise it". thats a bad example, but the point is, when you sign a contract , its what comes after the 'but' that counts. Thats the part that makes a person not sign, no matter what comes before. I had to realise this too. he was kind, caring, loving, adoring, attractive, my best friend, funny, BUT he couldn't commit. and that is all that matters. not only that, but i don't know if he ever truly loved me. there aren't an 'I'm not sure's about love. if they aren't sure, its because its not all completely there. its sad, but a harsh truth. and lastly, it doesn't matter if she is playing games, or if she is having a genuine moment of 'what do i want'. At the end of the day, you can't really do that to someone who you are fully committed to. Often people say the most important part of a relationship is communication. they never say commitment, because for a relationship to even exist that has to be there constantly from the start.

 

I hope you don't see this as rambling about my ex, rather I'm someone who sees a lot of similarities in your gf's behaviour, and my friends saw it too when i was with him, and non one said anything. i just wish someone had. it would of saved a lot of wasted time, and a lot of my pain.

[wgmitch]

OP,

 

How long was the relationship?

[Scoe141]

I didn't even finish reading it and will tell you to move on. You don't want someone who is so wishy washy. Find someone (after you've healed) that wants you all of the time, not just some of it.

[lostworrior]

We are friends for last 1.5 years but we thought of relationship just 6 months back. Initially she was so much into me that i had to tell her to slow down and relax a bit. This is from Indian Context so things aren't that simple. We belong to different castes so she is afraid that we can never be together and that's how it's all started but then she claimed that she lost interest and it wasn't about parents alone. Now she says it is both. First i thought she got scared because inter caste marriages are very tough in India so she is telling me that she is lost interest so that i will move on. Eventually it got intense and i lost interest became more prominent but she never stops visiting me knowing that we would definitely get intimate. Not sure what is going on in her mind.

[HeartGoesOn]

You've been demoted. You don't owe her another minute of your time...Respect yourself.

[DanZee]

We are friends for last 1.5 years but we thought of relationship just 6 months back. Initially she was so much into me that i had to tell her to slow down and relax a bit. This is from Indian Context so things aren't that simple. We belong to different castes so she is afraid that we can never be together and that's how it's all started but then she claimed that she lost interest and it wasn't about parents alone. Now she says it is both. First i thought she got scared because inter caste marriages are very tough in India so she is telling me that she is lost interest so that i will move on. Eventually it got intense and i lost interest became more prominent but she never stops visiting me knowing that we would definitely get intimate. Not sure what is going on in her mind.

 

Well, you just figured it out. You know exactly what's going on in her mind. Her parents won't approve of the relationship. Society doesn't approve of the relationship. I'm guessing she likes you, but everything is against the relationship. Her heart is fighting her mind. She likes you but she knows the relationship won't work out. Can't you just be friends with her? If not, then you have to break up with her.

[Wiseman2]

Are either of you scheduled for arranged marriage by your parents? If that is her situation, she's being honest that she can't pursue this.

We belong to different castes so she is afraid that we can never be together and that's how it's all started but then she claimed that she lost interest and it wasn't about parents alone.

[RayRay63]

 

What should be my actions in response to this?

 

PS: She doesn't want to stop talking. I told her that i don't want to talk if we aren't in relationship. She starts crying for the same.

 

1. She asked for a couple of months. Show her some strength and backbone and let her have the space she wants.

 

2. No friendship - stick to what you said.

 

3. Do not contact her.

 

4. If she contacts you, a couple of months down the track, and if you are still interested, tell her that you can only have a relationship if you BOTH resolve the problem that caused her to pull away.