Please help abt getting back together/long distance

[maria219]

My ex broke up with me a year ago because of a potential long distance relationship later on down the road...he wanted to end it early before it got too serious. It was a bad breakup as breakups go since that was the only reason he gave me and I had no choice in the matter...we attend the same university presently (he'll be graduating this month) and we didnt speak for months after the breakup. Then in January he started speaking to me again...but it ended up just as bad and we didn't speak again until earlier this month. He told me that he still had feelings for me, that they haven't changed a bit and it also came out that he broke up with me because his parents forced him to (we have different religions, cultures, etc.). He is going to medical school 5 hours away and he told me that it was a mistake that we broke up and that he wants to get back together and that his parents will have to accept it whether they like it or not. I care about him very much, but I am weary about starting a long distance relationship without a firm foundation....we were very much in love when we dated but a year passed after we broke up. He told me that this is for the long road and that I wouldn't have to worry about his parents or whatnot...what are the chances of a long distance relationship working after someone breaks up earlier on? He hurt me a lot by completely ignoring me and not even acknowledging me after we broke up...and has since apologized for his mean gestures...but I am just afraid that might change his mind when he goes to another university and that he may get too consumed in medical school and would break up with me due to becoming a "distraction". He also said that if we decide to not have a relationship that this would be the end and that he couldn't take just a friendship...not sure what to do (just afraid of the future.. )...any ideas?

[elixir4desire]

dear maria

 

you did not break up because you both were away so i dont think that should have any bearing on ur staying together or breaking up again. the two are independent in one respect even if u both can't divest ur'selves of the baggage of the past that u carry.

 

i think it is worth it.. it is bad to decide without giving love a fair chance.. so i think give it a chance and try ur best.. the important thing in love and togetherness is not whether u get together or not .. it is that u enjoy being together.... and enjoy it while it lasts... to whatever fate....

 

long distance relationships need more communication and more expression like opera performances on stage where props are used to explain emotions to the audience sitting at a distance.... but there is nothing that says long distance relationships do not work..

 

one thing u both have to make sure is to keep meeting in between with quality time for each other.. as people do change over time if u do not meet in between, long distance relationships tend to crack under this pressure.

 

and anyway every relationship that u value has to be handled with butter fingers.. because u care.

 

i hope i dont confuse u further ...

[DN]

It is a tricky decision but he has told you why he broke up, that he is now prepared to stand up to his parents and that he loves you. There is nothing more he can do.

 

The only question now is for you - do you love him enough to take a chance?

 

It will be difficult but ldrs always are. If you both are committed to making it work, communicate properly while apart, and see each other as much as possible, it stands a good chance. But only if you love each other enough.

[maria219]

Thanks for the advice...I will definitely think it over...I guess the biggest fear for me is getting hurt again if we break up...it took me months to do it and it's hard to get that trust back since he wouldn't have told me the "real" reason for breaking up since he felt that it was inconsequential...it just slipped from him. So, building up trust...that's going to be really hard...also he sort of "hooked up" briefly with another girl after we had broken up so I almost feel that what would stop him again especially in a ldr..I hope I am not coming off paranoid..

[DN]

Not at all paranoid - it is wise to be wary. I think you should express your concerns to him and see what reassurances he can offer. But obviously, he can't guarantee anything - no one can.

 

The thing about relationships is that there is always a potential to get hurt - so there is always a risk. That could just as easily happen with someone else that you might have a relationship with as it might with him.

 

I can tell you that relationships can work after a break-up. My then girlfriend broke up with me to go back to her own country - but she came back and we have been married for many years.