If you have any spare advice lying around can I have some?

[LifePuzzle]

Ok first things first this is my first visit to this forum..so, heres hoping you're all nice and cool people

 

Don't really know where I'll be going with this so just bear with me because Ill probably write stuff in the wrong order or something.

 

Ok well, i always used to be a really shy person and even though i wanted to talk to and get to know girls it just wouldnt happen. What id probably do is plan out how the conversation would go in my head but when it came to the crunch if just one thing was different it wouldnt work. Its like trying to climb a mountain and only having one route to get up there. Ain't ganna happen.

 

I didnt do many clubs and things when I was younger so the only people I met were from school really and because I'd always been shy they had a not so great opinion of me. However fairly recently (within the last year) ive become way more confident and out going where I can meet new people and talk to them fairly easily, but its the people ive known from before that I can't really talk to that well, its like they have a prejudice against me from before.

 

Anyway theres this girl at college who I like and I can make her laugh and things but I feel strange around her like I'm always saying the wrong thing, or more that after I say something I kick myself even if the reaction wasnt that bad. She was going out with this guy (who's really nice) for quite a while so I didnt think anything of this, I mean she was just someone who was stunning and really nice but alas already taken. So anyway she had a party for the new year to which I attended (she's in my friendship group btw) but I wasnt really having a good day that day and I didnt really fit into the atmosphere to the point where she even asked if i was alright, i hate that! So yeah since then Ive spoken to her a few times but only ever chit chat really, she works at the same place as me too and sometimes we have a conversation at lunch.

 

Anyway I went to one of my mates parties very recently and she was there too, and I noticed that she kept on taking herself off and sitting on her own, like she wanted someone to come and sit next to her. One of my mates was trying to get me to go and talk to her but I didnt have the guts..it annoys me, if it was someone else I could have done I reckon. So yeah he went up and was talking to her instead but nothing happened. Then at the end of the party she came up to me and said just out of the blue, 'Tim is my favourite guys name by the way', case you didnt get that my names Tim...and we were outside and I was pretty cold so she lent me her fleece.

 

But yeah, that was completely unexpected and can someone please put me out my misery and tell me I was reading too much into it ^. Im good at making friends but bad at taking it further so Ive probably missed loads of opportunities in my life but don't want to again!

 

Cheers for any advice! sorry if you feel like you're back at school reading an essay!

[DN]

I would say it is definitely worth asking her out. She made a point of asking if you were alright (maybe concern for a guest but could be concern for you) but the big, big thing is saying she liked the name Tim.

 

Pluck up your courage and ask her out.

[smallworld]

OK, I hate to be the bearer of good news, but no girl ever walks up to a guy she's not interested in and says "Tim is my favourite guys name by the way" then offers you her "fleece." (Gee, why do those quotes around 'fleece' look purvy?") It's simply not done. There are so many better ways of destroying a man's heart, so I think you're going to have admit to yourself that she likes you a lot or uh, at least your first name.

 

Kidding aside, I'm a shy person too and I understand everything you're saying. But when the odds are in your favor, you have to go for it. If you think being shy s#cks, wait til you're shy and watching her walk down the wedding aisle with someone else. I've had that experience with a guy I liked and it's not fun.

 

You don't have to be Rico Suave to get this girl, but you do have to send clear signals that you like her. How else is she going to know??? Unfortunately that means sitting by her and asking her "How's it going?" even when you'd rather die. That means you have to tell her she looks especially pretty today, when she does. And that means asking her if she'd like to catch a bite to eat or see a funny movie when you'd rather run away screaming because she might say "Yes" and then you'll have to plan 15 more hours of conversation.

 

The thing is I think you're so obsessed with saying or doing the right thing around her, that you're forgetting any reason why she and everyone else who has ever liked you, liked you in the first place. From your first post, you're obviously an intelligent, sensitive sort who's got a great sense of humor. Loved your subject title! She laughs at your jokes, right? So tell her more jokes!

 

If you think about it, she could say the stupidest thing in the world to you --and she DID!!! Who in their right mind has a favorite first name for a guy? -- but you didn't mind it, did you? You probably thought it was cute and maybe even a little sexy. Just forget yourself. Focus on her. Ask her what she's in to. Ask her if she wants to see a funny movie. Take it slow. Flirt. Just hang out and try to be friends first. If all goes well, send her some secret admirer mail with plenty of hints as to special moments or thoughts you've shared. Have fun with it. And who knows, maybe she'll give you her "fleece" again.

[LifePuzzle]

Cheers for the advice, and so quick too!

 

And that means asking her if she'd like to catch a bite to eat or see a funny movie when you'd rather run away screaming because she might say "Yes" and then you'll have to plan 15 more hours of conversation.

 

Heheh, that actually made me laugh, so true! Yeah id imagine like im running hurdles and i concentrate so much on getting over that I don't realise it was positioned on the edge of a cliff...ow. (I like analogies by the way, gets the message accross )

 

The funny thing is she's quite shy too, i mean she only really talks to people she knows well and she has a quiet voice, I like that actually. Also you have to remember (not that i told you yet) she was a little tipsy at the time; at least i think she was. Id love to make something of it but the fact that I see her every day and on saturday (work) would kinda put me off as eventually every single person would know. If you did anything stupid itd be like, 'This just in! Crazy guy wants nice girl, no its not April fools day' Thing is I could say Id make a go of it but I know in reality I probably won't. Right up until 5 mins before id be going to make a go of it.

 

Cheers for all the advice so far, and yeah my humour is like marmite; you either..well you get the idea. 8)

[ShySoul]

If you're falling off of a cliff, you might as well try to fly. You have nothing to lose.

 

You like her and she seems to like you. So what do you have to lose? Believe me, I know all about being shy and not speaking up when I had the chance. Your only going to kick yourself later for messing up. So how do you stop it? I'll let you know when I find out . Just kidding. The only way to get over this is to talk to her and ask her out. She's shy to so somebody has to make a move or nothing will ever come of this. Why shouldn't you be the one to take a chance. Think of how great it would be when she agrees to go out with you. Don't think about it or plan out a conversation, things never go as you plan anyways. Then you just get flustered and can't continue the conversation. You need to be confident in yourself and just go with the flow. Don't automatically assume you won't go for it, just go for it.

 

It also doesn't matter what other people think. The only people that this should matter to is you and her. And for all you know everyone else may just end up jealous of you and say to themselves, "man he's lucky to be with such an amazing girl."

 

Yeah, shy and soft spoken is cute, isn't it.

[LifePuzzle]

ok so I text her yeah asking her what she thought of the party at the weekend and I don't get any reply. However...my mate texts her too as I find out today and she replied to him like 4 times.

 

Ahh, im confuzzed. PM me when 'Girls for dummies' is released. Heh nah but what does this mean?

[LifePuzzle]

Heheh ok..i found out that before I sent my message my mate sent one to her..to which I also found out he kinda let on that I liked her...right..cheers man.

 

So what I did was to text her again (this is 2 days later) but didnt mention the previous message at all and she replied at around 12:15 am...I was still up though doing some work but phone was on silent so I reply around 1 but she's asleep then obviously.

 

That was yesterday, so today I go to college and find out that my mate told her that I liked her, so I blanked her for most of the day, not that I wanted to you understand I said she was one of my best mates best friend yeah well normally I go up to him even when I don't really have much to say just because she's around him quite a lot so it makes it easier for me to bring her into the conversation and talk to her. Anyway so I went to the library for lunch and they were there and I was talking to my mate for literally the entire time when she was a chair away but not talking to her. But then at like 6ish in the evening she texts me replying from the one the night before etc. Tbh I don't really know what i'm asking for from this post...guess just does it look at all promising?

 

Also kinda funny that I keep seeing/hearing signs..like i switched on the radio earlier and it played, 'Abi, call now to get your quote'. Abi's her name and Abbeynational the bank for those that don't know. Damn funny at the time!

 

Oh I almost forgot apparently the guy that she was going out with mucked her around quite a lot and wasnt very kind to her at some point (i don't understand that at all and if you met him you'd know what i mean) but yeah i'm not actually sure they're completely finished...or thats what I heard from somewhere..havnt seen any signs of them together or anything though.

[MetallicAguy]

She wants you....haha, dude I'm serious, are you freakin blind, she wanted you to talk to her!! Ahh, you were being an idiot there lol. Oh well, learn from your mistakes dude, talk to her next time! Good Luck!

[LifePuzzle]

Ok well I spent ages talking to her today, it was great After college she was going to go home but i persuaded her to come to the park with some people and we played firsby and kicked a ball around for a while.

 

So yeah anyways both me and her are going to a party at the weekend and I was kinda looking for some advice on what to do? I mean..won't she think its kinda strange that I only have a passing comment with her for years and then suddenly talk to her every day and send her messages?? Everyone has high expectations and keeps pestering me now which is annoying...but im still not convinced she likes me...uh huh i know what you're thinking, but she's the kind of person that is nice and friendly to the extent that she wouldnt say if she didnt like you or not. if that makes sense?

 

Cheers for all the replies so far

[speardane]

you kids crack me up. you can't win a game without playing it dude. all you "shy guys" want HER to lay all her cards on the table before you can screw up the guts to make a move. really, is that fair? how is it okay for the other person in a potential relationship to risk feeling rejected, but not you?

 

she likes you already. do you like HER?

 

not trying to harsh out on you or anything, I'm sure you're a great person and all that

[smallworld]

Hey LifePuzzle! Remember this?

 

Heheh ok..i found out that before I sent my message my mate sent one to her..to which I also found out he kinda let on that I liked her...right..cheers man.

 

It means Ms. Fleece knew you had the hots for her before you "spent ages talking" and before you convinced her to spend the afternoon playing frisby/ball with you.

 

If she really wasn't interested, that was the time to dash your hopes. She may be the nicest girl in the world, but no girl likes it when someone she's not interested in, keeps pursuing her. It's creepy! So I really think your fear of rejection is preventing from you seeing just how good a sign her acceptance of your invites have been.

 

Have fun at the party! Since she knows that you like-like her, I don't think she'll think it's weird that you're talking to her more. That's what people in like-like do! Just keep being your funny self and give her a chance to sort out her own feelings. She's shy too after all!

 

BTW - If your friends have high expectations, it's probably because they clearly see that you have a good chance with this girl. 8)

[LifePuzzle]

Yeah I remember it, thanks. If my memory was that bad id be failing all my exams in june

 

Heh this forum is great, you guys (/gals) are very knowledgeable and helpful cheers.

 

@ smallworld: good points! I guess 'Ms. Fleece' must know a good guy when she sees one I will be sure to have fun at the party..could be very fun indeed...

 

@ speardane: sorry for cracking you up, i hope you fix yourself ok. Ill make sure I spend more time playing the game in future, fact I just won an advance to go card See you in Mayfair.

 

Future's bright, future's...ah screw it, later!

[LifePuzzle]

OK ill be needing some more advice now!

 

So update:

Went to the party yesterday, I arrived slightly earlier and watched the footie with some people, lit the bbq. heheh, we had loads of meat all reduced...wonder how that happened then I stupidly let 2 of my female friends style my hair...omg i thought girls had fashion sense! Ended up having to wash my hair again, dry with the snoopy hair dryer , all while having people at every window with camera phones, was like big brother

 

So anyway at like 7 when people started arriving I had something to talk about heh but yeah I socialise with everyone, move between the groups etc etc but all the time I was consciously thinking..'I shouldnt be here I should be there..' *looks at abi*. Then some of my not so close friends want me to play this game where you eat a sweet out of someones breasts and one of my close friends comes over and tells me as if i didnt know 'wtf if you do that you'll blow all chances' and im just like, 'how stupid do I look?'.

 

So that gives me chance to leave them and I go to abi and her friend and talk to them for a while, end up with her friend teaching me some dancing moves and yeah was quite fun. Anyway I wanted to ask abi a question but I kept on missing the oportunities...Like we had a game of mercy and ended up up on the floor, but OMG every time I had the perfect chance some bum strides in. She went and sat on a chair in the garden yeah, and I went and sat next to her and then someone just pulled up a chair as well and im like ahhh. Almost finished btw, bear with me! So then I somehow end up dancing with her in the garden doing the stuff Id just been shown, and every two mins my fricking mate kept coming up to her and stealing her glowsticks! Oh yeah we found some glowsticks lying around. So then she chases him to get them back and stuff so i just nick another, give it to her, carry on where left off and am thinking, 'OMG 2 mins till he comes back go go go'. So we start inventing our own dance and she leads for a bit, then its this convo:

 

'now its your turn to lead, whats next?'

''ok, how about a question?'

'A question?'

'yeah, you know that I like you don't you'

''kinda'

'Well, what do you say to that question?'

'I like you too *smiles* but I don't know whats happening with Charlie right now'

 

So then we stop and I talk to her alone for 5-10 mins about it and I gather that if charlie wasnt in the picture then... but yeah they broke up ages ago but I dunno something happened over easter I think, though she said that at college he doesnt show her any kind of affection so what she said I think was, 'Ill let you know'.

 

This is towards the end of the evening so then 10 mins later I see her going and I go up and give her a hug and a kiss on the cheek and she hugs back.

 

So yeah this is where you come in..what do I do now?? Im guessing the best thing to do is to stay in contact but leave off a little to give her time to think? What would you all do given my situation?

 

Cheers, Tim

[LifePuzzle]

Anyone?

 

Also its her birthday this thursday and mine on saturday, should I ask her to do something or would that be stupid given the situation? Would giving her a card be a good idea? Talking to charlie?

 

 

[smallworld]

Hey Marmite! (I looked that up by the way. Gross!)

I've never been much of a game player, but here's what I know:

 

I wouldn't talk to Charlie. When it comes to love, Charlie's not Abi friend or yours. He likes that Abi still pines for him but not enough to be with her. If you talk to him he's only going to realize that his 'good thing' is at risk and try to win her back for ego's sake.

 

Abi's not over Charlie. The problem is you can't force these things. She's young and sometimes girls have to have their hearts stomped on a few zillion times before they learn that love isn't just a word, it's how a person treats you.

 

In your shoes, I'd take Abi at her word. She's not emotionally available now, but that doesn't mean she couldn't be later. So the smart thing to do would be to flirt with whomever you're interested in (including her), enjoy yourself and see what comes of it. Don't cross her off your list, but don't chase her either. If it was meant to be she'll let you know. And if not, well it's clearly her loss.

 

If you decide she's worth the wait and can keep your expectations low, then I'd go ahead and get her a birthday card and some flowers. Women have been brainwashed for centuries to see flowers as a sign that men think we're beautiful and special. (Don't spend more than $10 = £5.29, because you don't want to go overboard and scare her off.) The best part of it is - the flowers will make Charlie look like chopped liver in comparison. Good luck!