Moving on... now what?

[android123]

It's been over a month since I last visited here. Since then my progress has been going steady. I even managed to ignore two messages from my ex that i did not expect receiving. I got one on Christmas night where he wished i had a nice Christmas. It was addressed to me and had an emoji, which he never used to use. I was very shocked when i saw the text. I never expected to hear from him again after he unfriended me. I even deleted his number prior to the holidays. So, i let the impact sit with me for a bit, reflected back to how i never want to go back to those dark days when i was given false hope, and then I decided..... to ignore it. And very quickly deleted it.

 

It felt great to not give in. It wasn't even difficult because i know that i never want to take him back, however i do want him to WANT to come back. I'll leave that up to fate.

 

Anyway, i thought that was the last of it, but i was wrong. I also received a text from him on new years eve night. It was addressed to me, but not as well written. I was stunned again. The fool actually sent me a new years text after i ignored his xmas one. I didn't know wht his messages meant, but they weren't what i was looking for, so i ignored it again.

 

That was the last i heard from him. Our birthdays are this month so who knows if I'll be receiving another text. I suppose it doesn't really matter, though, since I'll more than likely ignore it too.

 

I've moved on. I hold no desire to be his again, but lately those pangs of loss have been hitting. I never want to experience loss like that again. My heart is so afraid of becoming vulnerable now. I'm not sure how i can ever learn to trust again, or if i should even bother.

 

I used to have something good, but that ended up falling apart. How can I trust that the next time something good happens that it won't also fall apart? That is what scares me.

[MissCanuck]

Block him, OP.

 

You haven't moved on yet if he still has the ability to rattle you this much, and that's perfectly okay. It takes time to truly move on.

 

Yes, it's very hard to trust again when you've been badly hurt. But you spend time on your own, learning to trust your own instincts when something doesn't feel right, and apply the lessons you've learned from the demise of this relationship onto future situations so you'll know what to do and how to handle it if something is amiss.

[android123]

MissCanuck, what's holding me back is resentment. I'm very proud of myself for maintaining NC after our breakup became official and blocking him on social media, but i feel as though i need more validation. Like i need justice to be served because i never wronged him and put so much time and effort into trying to make our complex relationship work, just so that he can throw it all away.

 

The betrayal haunts me every now and then, like it does tonight, and makes me pessimistic about other men. It's not a good feeling, but thank you for your advice. I'll follow through with it, and would like any other tips you have.

[Cope]

I hate it when they do that as if everything is ok. That's why I tell them "I'll text you when Im ok".

Again, as MissCanuck said. Block him. If it bothers you that much, you're not over him quite yet.

 

It is hard to trust again, but we need to give the next people we meet a chance. I think the hardest thing is to start trusting myself again.

[MissCanuck]

Depeche, I have been betrayed badly in my life too.

 

You will find it hard to trust again. There is no way around it. But it is possible. You are still too fresh from the hurt to fathom it now, but it your ability to trust comes back slowly and with the right person. You will learn to see that not all men are like your ex, and that the right one will merit your trust.

 

In my experience, justice is rarely "served" in situations like this; at least, not in the way you define it now. But you can find it for yourself by moving on and not letting him and his arsey behavior dictate what the rest of your life looks like when it comes to relationships and love. Justice for yourself is far more important - and sweeter - than living in the past and wanting an ex to suffer.

[android123]

I took your advice and blocked his number before our birthdays hit. I gotta thank you because it was such a great move. I had no anxiety about whether or not he'd try to contact me again or not because I gave myself the chance to not know. Thank you.