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Confused on what is happening.


Tattyanna

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My husband and I have been together for 7 years. We have a daughter so have contact over her.( I also have 2 teenage sons) We had been fighting for a while over his excessive dope use. ( Im not a prude but it took over our lives and I could of lost my job) we have a huge fight and I yelled maybe we should split up. The next day ( he decided in his head definitely over does tell me) and sends sex message to another woman on his lunch break. I see them and kick him out. I was heart broken. For first 2 weeks he slept in his car with all his stuff. But car got stolen. He now has a room. We have just stopped bickering and last week we managed to sit down over a cuppa. He said we may get back together down the track. That night he sent me dirty pics and was saying things like been thinking of you last couple of days. And then on Saturday he said it was mistaken and we are never getting back. This all been over 10 weeks.

Confused about what he is thinking or even playing at. I just got my self to a good place and now have to start again.

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Sorry to hear this. File for separation/divorce and work out terms for your child support and visitation. He's using drugs and sexting at work. Good you threw him out. Let him live in a room since he prefers drug use and sexting to family life.

We had been fighting for a while over his excessive dope use.
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Excessive dope usage, somehow manages to find a sexting buddy the day after you have an argument, has no other option but to sleep in his car - this man does not have his life together.

 

What is it you seek in marriage, OP? Because it doesn't sound like you have a very stable one.

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You don't have to be confused. You had got yourself to a good place and, although this is a temporary setback in an emotional sense, there's no need to start again.

 

Leaving your daughter out of it for the moment... this guy is all over the place with his thinking. Lots of dope will do that. Trying to base your life's decisions on the actions of someone as erratic as this is a bit like trying to lay a table on a boat in a storm. It just isn't going to happen.

 

Apart from the necessary contact about your daughter, let this guy go. He's already got a room. My guess is that whether he wants to get back with you or not is likely to be dictated by whether or not he's managed to pick up another woman. Whatever, you need to make the decision FOR YOURSELF; who cares what he's thinking?

 

You have a choice. You can continue to foster this relationship where dope takes over your life and threatens your job, and your guy sends sexy messages to other women. You will be on an emotional rollercoaster which will ultimately affect your physical health, too.

 

OR...

 

You can decide this isn't the life you want for you and your daughter, ignore his promises of getting back together, file for divorce and get on with your life.

 

It's very, very important that you make your own decision and stick by it. A few years back, my alcoholic ex-partner ended our relationship. I'd only been living with him a couple of months; one day he would tell me that there was no hurry for me to move out, and the next day he'd be putting pressure on me to get out. I ignored both; I'd already made my own arrangements and was putting things through as quickly as possible regardless of what he said or did.

 

If I'd paid any attention to him it would really have messed with my mind, which is exactly what's happening to you right now. That's the effect that people who are off their faces on booze or drugs have - but only if you let them. Make your decision and stick by it - if not for yourself, for your daughter.

 

Good luck!

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You don't have to be confused. You had got yourself to a good place and, although this is a temporary setback in an emotional sense, there's no need to start again.

 

Leaving your daughter out of it for the moment... this guy is all over the place with his thinking. Lots of dope will do that. Trying to base your life's decisions on the actions of someone as erratic as this is a bit like trying to lay a table on a boat in a storm. It just isn't going to happen.

 

Apart from the necessary contact about your daughter, let this guy go. He's already got a room. My guess is that whether he wants to get back with you or not is likely to be dictated by whether or not he's managed to pick up another woman. Whatever, you need to make the decision FOR YOURSELF; who cares what he's thinking?

 

You have a choice. You can continue to foster this relationship where dope takes over your life and threatens your job, and your guy sends sexy messages to other women. You will be on an emotional rollercoaster which will ultimately affect your physical health, too.

 

OR...

 

You can decide this isn't the life you want for you and your daughter, ignore his promises of getting back together, file for divorce and get on with your life.

 

It's very, very important that you make your own decision and stick by it. A few years back, my alcoholic ex-partner ended our relationship. I'd only been living with him a couple of months; one day he would tell me that there was no hurry for me to move out, and the next day he'd be putting pressure on me to get out. I ignored both; I'd already made my own arrangements and was putting things through as quickly as possible regardless of what he said or did.

 

If I'd paid any attention to him it would really have messed with my mind, which is exactly what's happening to you right now. That's the effect that people who are off their faces on booze or drugs have - but only if you let them. Make your decision and stick by it - if not for yourself, for your daughter.

 

Good luck!

 

He said he is trying to give drugs up. And the woman was some ex in a different country. He isn't with anyone else. He said the message was a mistake. But yes I am trying to move foward. I work ,study about to start a dance class. Ive lost weight and have a great group of friends. Im not sure why he would send dirty messages if he doesn't want to be with me. He said he doesn't love me anymore.

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....he is a drug addict acting like one. The sooner you accept that, the easier it will be for you to move on for good.

As for "trying to give up drugs"....lol... unless he is calling you from rehab to tell you he is in rehab by his own will and determination and he will be following through the program, sticking to it, and working on himself for at least a year before he tries to contact you again and see if something can be recovered from the wreck of your relationship, you've got nothing but a drug addict bs'ing you.

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He said he is trying to give drugs up. And the woman was some ex in a different country. He isn't with anyone else. He said the message was a mistake. But yes I am trying to move foward. I work ,study about to start a dance class. Ive lost weight and have a great group of friends. Im not sure why he would send dirty messages if he doesn't want to be with me. He said he doesn't love me anymore.

 

Yep... he's acting like someone who's thinking is all over the place, because of drugs... He's sending you dirty messages because he wants to send you dirty messages. It doesn't mean that he wants to be with you, especially not if you're getting in the way of his drugs. Unfortunately, if you don't take care of yourself and your daughter first, your "trying to move forward" will be about as effective as his "trying to give drugs up". Or, to put it another way, you're as addicted to him and this unhealthy relationship, as he's addicted to drugs.

 

By addiction, I mean the scenario where we know that something or somebody is very bad for us, but we can't leave it alone.

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Yep... he's acting like someone who's thinking is all over the place, because of drugs... He's sending you dirty messages because he wants to send you dirty messages. It doesn't mean that he wants to be with you, especially not if you're getting in the way of his drugs. Unfortunately, if you don't take care of yourself and your daughter first, your "trying to move forward" will be about as effective as his "trying to give drugs up". Or, to put it another way, you're as addicted to him and this unhealthy relationship, as he's addicted to drugs.

 

By addiction, I mean the scenario where we know that something or somebody is very bad for us, but we can't leave it alone.

 

Thank you. I had been doing quite well until the dirty messages. We were together 17 years ago and we split up and I moved countries. 10 years later he moves here to be with me... the whole arguement that nightwas because I hid his weed and said it was more important than us. Turns out it was.

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If you think this would fit for you, look into attending AlAnon or NarAnon meetings in your area. They're the support groups for friends/family of alcoholics/drug users respectively. You will find many people with the same story as you.

 

It's important to remember that an addict's drug of choice is more important than anything else in their entire lives, family, friends, the lot. This is why heroin addicts can sell their mother's wedding ring to finance their next fix, with no second thoughts. With support, you can move on from this no matter how long you've been together.

 

Good luck!

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